|Reviews for home truths|
| sd4ianto chapter 1 . 7/13/2014
That's were you are leaving it? You need a chapter 2.
| Crazy-Lemon-Lady chapter 1 . 9/18/2010
awww, I'm guessing this won't be continued...
| eachany chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
In response to the review request-
I liked the story. But like mine, it had some flaws.
The fight reminded me of the fight in season 1 during the finale. Owen was yelling about Ianto and Jack then, too. There was also, this part in the first bit, where it says "but jack had a smile on his face, but he was" (not exactly the right order :) ). To me, reading 'but' twice kinds pulled me out of the reading zone, because it was repeatitive.
I thought maybe you could split the last paragraph into 1-2 extra paragraphs because it seems a little large. It'll look nicer. :).
But the only major flaw I saw in the story was how in the beginning, you wrote how Jack was smiling, and ready to jump down to help, but then in the end, he sounded angry and not evn a hint of humor that was displayed in the beginning, came out in the end. You used the word "dare" which I think was too strong, if Jack was bing humorous about the fight, in the beginning.
All in all, I thought it was a fun story to read and hope ya right some more (but don't forget to capalitize their names)!
How does a rogue beat a paladin?
Pickpockets it's hearthstone.
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| IndeMaat chapter 1 . 8/4/2009
This is not the kind of story that I would have given a second glance, but you asked if I would review, so here I am.
The reason I would have passed on it when browsing the category list for stories is because the names of the characters weren't capitalised. That is usually not a good sign of what is to come. The summary has to lure people in. It has to look good to do that. The least one can do is to make sure that the summary is spelled correctly.
The story itself, has the same problem: proper nouns (the names of the characters) are not consistently capitalised. They should start with a capital all the time, not just some of the time. Sentences, including dialogue, should also start with a capital letter.
I also found there was a problem with punctuation. There are some run-on sentences, where commas are used where full stops should be used, and other places where commas should be used but weren't. E.g. "You file stuff and shag the boss, that is basically what you do admit it Ianto, you haven’t actually got a place here!" should have been punctuated like: 'You fucking file stuff and shag the boss. That is basically what you do. Admit it, Ianto, you haven’t actually got a place here!' An important rule of thumb to avoid run-on sentences is to put a full stop at the end of a complete statement. Do not connect two statements with a comma.
The last paragraph should be cut into several smaller ones. There is action and dialogue in it from several people, and that just gets confusing and messy.
As for the story's structure: I found the opening paragraph a bit boring. It started out okay with the mention of Ianto and Owen fighting, but rather show that fight, it continued telling what the others were doing. This added description distracted from opening the story with a bang. It would have been more exciting if the chapter opened with Ianto and Owen fighting, thus showed their argument for a few paragraphs. Then one paragraph that tells what the others are doing, and back to the fight.
| NO-PANTIES chapter 1 . 8/3/2009
please carry on with this