|Reviews for Time|
| Sayaneko-chan chapter 1 . 7/6/2013
kyaaaa kawaiii, this fic is very cute I loved it take care and good luck sayounara
| TheFifthCharmedOne chapter 1 . 6/13/2013
That was beautiful and perfect in every way! Amazing job!
| LoreleiJubilation chapter 1 . 1/23/2013
Great Story! :))))
| Tsuna chan27 chapter 1 . 10/28/2012
My Favorite Story!
| Envymukuro chapter 1 . 8/19/2011
Hiya! Wow.. Loved your story! I'm actually more of a yaoi fan so i despise any tsuna and girl pairings but this story really caught my eye ( lol )
So ya. I hope you keep writing! XD
| Still Shots chapter 1 . 6/3/2011
Finally! I've found this.. AGAIN! Wooh.
I really really liked it. :)
Whenever I feel like.. 2786 thingy, I go back tot his fic. :)
That's skill, bro. *brofist*
| too lazy to log in chapter 1 . 5/7/2011
Kawaii! Wonderfully made. So Haru! I could imagine her doing this just for Tsuna. :)
| The 2786 Project chapter 1 . 1/3/2011
Kyahh! When I first read this fanfic, my breath got caught up in my throat. I was really amazed. This stuff is amazing! I'm really glad I read this fic. :D
| JasminDragon92 chapter 1 . 11/6/2010
awwwwww that was so darn kawaii x3 TsunaxHaru FTW!
| sayume214 chapter 1 . 9/11/2010
Overall, good job at narration. The story was interesting, the drama well-written and wonderful!
Aww, that was pretty cute.
“But I have to go!"
"Yes, you have to go home with me."
Ah, that even made me squeal. X3
There are some stuff that seemed kinda inconsistent at first:
"But is this alright? Boss hasn't even woken up to give his consent."
"Shamal-san says it has to be right now. And I think it'll be better if Tsu-kun could at least see with one eye instead of..."
Kyoko never finished her sentence as they reached their end. Tsuna was carried into the surgery room while they were told to wait outside.
"He's getting only one eye?" Hayato asked, taking a seat on one of the rows of benches. He wasn't necessary disappointed that Tsuna was only getting one eye, but rather thankful to the donor for even giving away one. He guessed it was some nice dead guy, and didn't think any more on it.
"Kyoko-chan, you should go eat lunch."
Note the last two paragraphs. Gokudera had just said he was still asleep and then Tsuna told her to go eat lunch? Then I realized that some time had happened between those two DIFFERENT scenes.
There needs to be transition between scenes to not confuse the readers.
You could have imputed something like: “After the surgery, Tsuna woke up and saw everyone. He noted the joy in everyone’s eyes. It was…strange. How come he could see? […] And he also noted the worry in Kyoko’s face…” Something like that helps transition occur.
Another thing you can do is use scene separators.
Just slapping another scene in front of the other is confusing and gave a feeling of incoherency at first. The only times when I do that is when, for example:
(….)There is this room. All the guardians are gathered. Gokudera and Yamamoto were having a heated discussion. Nobody else was allowed. Tsuna merely heard what was going on, but his thoughts were somewhere else…
“I can’t help feeling anxious, Kyoko-chan!” Haru expressed.
“That’s alright, Haru; Tsuna must be as anxious as you.” Kyoko spoke with a reassuring smile.
Do you see? It’s clear that in one scene some people are present, but then I decide to surprise the reader and give insight on what’s going on meanwhile with Haru, who is not in the room, nor is Kyoko, so it’s definitely a new scene.
"Don't worry," Shamal said. "She's a strong girl. Much stronger than you think."
One month passed by without any news from Haru.
In there, it was alright because there was transition somehow; you made it clear it was a new scene coming up.
Just a tip here, which applies to many things, especially dialogue. ;)
The ending was especially sweet and moving. I very much adored this! I hope you one day feel like writing a sequel for it! :D
Thanks a million for sharing this and spreading the TsunaHaru love! :3
| bloody-pudding chapter 1 . 9/9/2010
Feed me more. Feed my addiction. hahah, I love it! I hope you'll write more of HaruXtsuna pairing.
| Sasural chapter 1 . 8/31/2010
Aww i loved this! So lovely and well written. Haru is just the best!
| iXheartXrecX75 chapter 1 . 7/7/2010
Your story was great! The ending was really touching and I wish that would happen for real in KHR. Thanks for posting it!
| Kebchii chapter 1 . 6/26/2010
Uwaaaaaaaaaaah~! This was beautiful! I love it! I just love it! o
Haru and Tsuna forevah!
- Scrappy Cocoa
| Moon Of Jupiter chapter 1 . 11/9/2009
my first Katekyou fic that i read!
I so ship this pairing!
So hope that Tsuna will end up with Haru (or no one else!)
But love the whole concept of your fic!
good work :D