|Reviews for The Courtship of Hazuki's Father|
| Lendrox chapter 2 . 9/26/2009
Great story :3. Keep up the good work!
| Styloz chapter 2 . 9/11/2009
Another great chapter! I can't wait until the next one. :)
| tiptoed on cliff's edge chapter 2 . 9/8/2009
haha, it seemed like the authentic kyon narrating there. Good job. can't wait till the next installment.
| omegarulesall chapter 2 . 9/3/2009
| Mattricole chapter 2 . 8/29/2009
This is a pretty good story, can't wait for more!
| JonBob0008 chapter 2 . 8/27/2009
Another decent chapter, although I was a bit disappointed that there weren't more romantic moments than there were. I can't say I'm loving this fic quite yet, but the potential is still there for this fic to really grab hold of me.
There are two issues, though and one of them is somewhat major.
The first is a grammar mix-up: "I’ve been alone before with Nagato, Miss Asahina, and Koizumi but for the first two more often then there not there was business involved, and for the last, we mostly just talked about Haruhi."
There's an extra "there" in that sentence, and "then" should be "than."
The second issue is a continuity error. At the end of the chapter, you made it so that Koizumi was unable to arrive because he didn't "know" where Kyon lived (or at least that was his excuse). The major problem with this is that he's already been to Kyon's home before with the whole Brigade (remember the homework cramming session during the Endless Eight?). Surely everyone, including Haruhi, would've remembered that Koizumi has been to Kyon's house before and should remember where it was (and if you consider the drama CD and the PS2 games to be canon, the whole Brigade has been to his home more than once).
Anyway, I'll be looking forward to the next chapter.
| JonBob0008 chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
This was a good start, just as I would expect from someone of your caliber. I wasn't blown away, but then again first chapters rarely blow me away, so that's not a bad thing. To be honest, this is the first fic of yours that I've read, but I'd heard enough about you and your previous works that I figured I should expect quality. And quality is what I got, although I hoped that future chapters peak my interest further.
As for your OC named Hazuki, I'll admit that it took a little while for me to warm up to her. I wasn't sure if I would like her until the scene where she was wearing the frogs head. That was really cute and was enough for me to say "you know, this kid's alright."
Also, I at first thought you had a continuity error when you had the TPDD as a physical device, but that was explained away later in the chapter so kudos to that.
I'll definitely read the next chapter and tell you what I think. I wonder who the mother is. *wink wink*
P.S. BTW, there's already a word for a whisper-yell. It's called a "hiss." When a person yells at you in a quite voice, you say that the person hissed at you. That was probably the only real complaint I had about the story thus far.
| angelitaramos2102 chapter 2 . 8/22/2009
i love this story i really do! I HOPE U CONTINUE SOON! I want to know who hazuki's mom is! (I already know but ... I want to see hazuki admit it!)
| PaperCutVictim chapter 2 . 8/21/2009
The plot thickens... I felt a serious slump of disappointment at the last line, cuz I was searching for the next paragraph and was like "...D'oh!"
I must say, because I think I neglected to mention it before, but you write a really good Kyon. Highly entertaining, excellent narration, while still keeping in character, and thus maintaining the charm of the original character. Very nice. And speaking of Kyon, poor guy. He can never catch a break, fate still insists on kicking his ass around town. XD I had been anticipating a part where he and Haruhi are nervous about her being in his room alone (well, plus Hazuki, but still), but that came off far better than I had ever though! Koizumi's "trolling" (I snickered at that part XD) made it even better, the smiley bastard probably DID do it on purpose as revenge for being woken at an ungodly hour. I know I would. ;D
Not sure what to say about Hazuki without risking repeating myself. Her cutesy antics are still incredibly swoon-worthy. I love how she is incredibly loveable and innocent, yet believable at the same time. Probably one of the best OCs I've read in a fanfic for a long time, and definitely my favorite OC child too. She's totally gonna drive someone into "omochikaeri~!" mode (Higurashi reference, if you happen to watch that series).
I thought this was worthy of mention, but I really loved that scene with Haruhi walking down the stairs tot he sight of Hazuki and Kyon having breakfast, or at the least, Kyon feeding Hazuki her toast with jam. I felt it seemed like a very family type of setting, and if Haruhi is indeed Hazuki's mother (I'm pretty damn sure she is, however, I'm gonna hold back, there still might be a twist lurking), I can totally imagine mornings in their household being a little like that.
Hopefully minus poor Kyon being woken at an ungodly hour to feed his devastatingly adorable daughter.
Keep up the good work, looking forward to the next chapter!
| pretentious kneecap chapter 2 . 8/20/2009
You seriously friggin' captured the characters. I'm a stickler for believability, as is a Haruhi-obsessed friend of mine.. Here are some snippets from our conversation:
Me (12:45:25 AM): "You’re just the king of stupidity today, aren’t you, Koizumi?" kyon should've said that out loud.
Other friend (12:45:42 AM): srsly : (
Haruhi fan friend (12:45:42 AM): WOW YEAH.
Me (12:47:42 AM): "“I guess I’ll let you slide without a penalty this time,” she whisper-yelled (strange verb, I know, but if anyone could do it, Haruhi could)." chlc, you could so pull that off. you dun it before.
Haruhi fan friend (12:48:26 AM): IT'S SO HARUHI!
Haruhi fan friend (12:48:31 AM): I SHOULD START DOING THAT!
Me (12:51:39 AM): “The others can’t come. They have other things to do.”
“Well, when did you call them about this?”
“A half hour ago.”
… Was she really surprised? I thought she had gotten over this need to own people.
Me (12:51:43 AM): haruhi does own people. ;)
Haruhi fan friend (12:51:56 AM): Exactly!
Me (12:56:12 AM): "“Haruhi, it’s getting late. Can’t we at least call a draw?”
“A draw only happens when the winner wimps out! I’ll only accept total victory! Only then is glory worth anything!”
What glory? It’s a video game, not the Battle of Nagashino!" i enjoy haruhi's haruhific determination.
Other friend (12:56:22 AM): I'll slowly get a high pitched voice one day...
Haruhi fan friend (12:56:44 AM): I like the person who wrote that fanfic megan.
Haruhi fan friend (12:56:53 AM): It's rare that someone captures Haruhi just write,
Me (12:59:05 AM):" “Loser does what winner says for the rest of the day!”
Too bad it was Haruhi. “I don’t remember agreeing to those rules.”
“It’s not a rule you agree to, Kyon, it’s common courtesy!”" she would consider that common courtesy.
Haruhi fan friend (12:59:28 AM): I
Haruhi fan friend (12:59:28 AM): AM
Haruhi fan friend (12:59:29 AM): SO
Haruhi fan friend (12:59:30 AM): JEALOUS
Haruhi fan friend (12:59:32 AM): OF WHO
Haruhi fan friend (12:59:33 AM): WROTE THAT
Haruhi fan friend (12:59:34 AM): ):
Other friend (12:59:40 AM): Wow, it's lovely.
Me (1:02:03 AM): "“Koizumi, what the hell is this?”
In case you’re curious, whisper-yelling is surprisingly easy when the situation calls for it. In a way, it was more effective than regular yelling, as Koizumi took a whole beat before replying, “I’m afraid I don’t understand. You’ll have to forgive me; it’s rather late at night—”
“—Yeah! And you know where Haruhi is? In my bedroom!”
… Two beats this time, before: “Well, I can’t say I expected that.”" i like how well i can hear them talking in my head.
Haruhi fan friend (1:02:39 AM): Oh, man, that fanfic author will be the death of.
Haruhi fan friend (1:02:41 AM): me.
Haruhi fan friend (1:02:52 AM): If I didn't know better, I'd say it was Nakiwakhdfjhf himself.
("Nakiwakhdfjhf" being the creator of Haruhi. Eheh.)
At first I thought something along the lines of, "Oh, same old plot. Blah blah blah." Because, yanno, character (perhaps relative) from the future goes back to meet old character, it's been done, right? But then I realized how completely and totally plausible it is in this case, whereas it's just a random and silly plot for most other stories. And thus. Your plot wins.
I usually only read completed fanfics.. This is the hard part of reading those that are still in progress, waiting for the next update!
| JGRDL chapter 2 . 8/20/2009
i like this i think you write kyon well
| Kirino chapter 2 . 8/20/2009
Please continue after September 2nd; I eagerly await your next update.
No comments on quality, it's pretty much perfect in every aspect.
| uzukun7 chapter 2 . 8/20/2009
another great chapter by arty. hazuki is just such a lovable character and kyon has to go through hell just to keep her and haruhi away from each other. i wonder what itsuki is doing. i cant wait for the next chapter. laterz
| Greg Zerich chapter 2 . 8/20/2009
"Haruhi made diamonds look like jello when it came to hard-headedness."
That is the kind of snarky yet distressingly apt metaphor that I only wish I could write.
Looking forward to seeing you continue this, and set Haruhi up the bomb as well.
| HarimaHige chapter 2 . 8/20/2009
good work. i liked it a lot