|Reviews for Trip Of A Lifetime, Part 1: I Grieve With Thee|
| anlenahan chapter 8 . 2/28
That was very good. Thanks for sharing
| ad694 chapter 8 . 5/13/2014
Just started reading 'Enterprise' fanfiction this week after reading 'Jag' & 'Stargate SG-1' stories for over 2 years. I'm really enjoying this AU version better than the TV series thus far. Great job. Thanks
| WarriorDrgnMage chapter 8 . 3/22/2014
I'm enjoying though I'm slightly baffled as to why Archer isn't more There. Trip is his best friend and they've known each other for years. Other then that, a most enjoyable story. Why didn't you put all of in one fic instead of spearing it out like this? Oh well, I'm off to read the next one. Ta
| LoverandaFighter chapter 8 . 3/26/2013
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE update. I miss this show so much. I love your fic. Keep up the good work :)
| Huskerinexile chapter 8 . 2/18/2010
I love this story, I wasnt sure if it is on hold or complete, but if it is on hold I hope you find time to continue to update it.
| fullhans1 chapter 8 . 12/17/2009
| Kessi38 chapter 8 . 8/25/2009
loved this story!
| JDB89 chapter 8 . 8/10/2009
Very good! Keep up the good work :D
| Jayiin Mistaya chapter 8 . 8/10/2009
*grins* This chapter was exactly what I needed after a crazy day! Fantastic work - I'm loving this story and I hope to see more very soon.
You're writing something I love to see - when Trip and T'Pol not only accept each other, but they don't hide what they are to each other.
| The Middleman chapter 8 . 8/10/2009
Now that I have been through the re-write of all 8 chapters, I have to say I'm very impressed by your imagination and where you are taking our favorite couple. Please promise to continue!
| jedikatie chapter 6 . 8/9/2009
Please understand, I mean this solely as constructive criticism. I know that English is not your first language-I see the German flag on your profile here at -but you really need a good beta, because there are a number of grammar errors especially throughout the six chapters you've posted of this story. Things like commas where they shouldn't be, apostrophes missing in possessive nouns, even some words that are missing in the sentences.
I can't speak for anyone else, but that (along with spelling errors, which you didn't have a lot of that I saw) is one sure way of turning me off from reading a story, irregardless of how good I might think the idea for the story might be. I have literally stopped reading stories on this site before because of that.
And I do mean a good beta-someone who actually goes through and reads the story and catches those little things, and is willing to tell you if the writing is not flowing well or if you're out of character or whatever, and will suggest ideas and/or ask questions that might spark new ideas that you might use to make the story better.
For example, in this story, you have the humans acting entirely too stiff and formal, whereas the Vulcans-in particular the bigoted dad of Koss-acting more human than the humans. Your Vulcan bigot would come across much better if he had a logical reasoning behind why he's against the idea of a Vulcan/Human hybrid, rather than spouting off emotionally against it. No matter how bigoted they might be-and most fans would quite probably have said Soval was utterly against humanity rather than a friend of it prior to season 4-they would stick with their logical reasoning, because the other Vulcans would not go along with an emotional appeal. If anything, if other Vulcans saw him behaving in such a fashion, no matter how powerful his faction is, it would most likely result in him and his faction (if they were likewise emotional motivated) being shunned as V'tosh Ka'tur, like Kov and the others were. They may have the Kir'shara now, but they are still very much at the beginning of the path towards the Vulcans as we know them in Kirk's time.
Likewise, you need to break up the conversation more. Nothing is duller than reading a chapter that largely consists of a back-and-forth conversation with nothing but the words being said. You need to add in descriptions of the places that they're entering, the people around them, the emotional reactions of the characters to what is being said, etc. It gives the story more depth. For example, in chapter 6, when Archer relates to Gardner that Tolaris tried to mind rape T'Pol-which I also have a problem with, since he promised T'Pol that he would not to tell anyone, and yet he's now breaking that promise-you have Gardner go, "He did what?" Not a lot of emotional impact there. Had you written it more like "He did WHAT?" with 'what' either in bold or italics, then it comes across much more strongly to the reader. Likewise, Archer was angry about what Tolaris did to T'Pol in the episode; surely remembering what Tolaris had done would cause some of that anger to resurface in Archer as he related the incident to the Admiral. Little things like that can greatly improve your overall story.
Once again, I'm not saying this to be nasty, it's purely meant as constructive criticism. I'm not a writer myself-though I have a few things posted here, but I have a terrible time finishing any story which is longer than about 6 or 7 pages. But I have been acting as a beta to one of the best Enterprise writers out there, Rigil Kent (who writes the Star Trek: Endeavour stories with plenty of TnT action), for the past several years on his various stories. If you can find a good beta who's willing to tell you when something doesn't work, it can only improve your story.
I do find your idea interesting-far more interesting than the usual "TnT decide to get married and have more kids after Elizabeth's death" which most authors do after the events of Terra Prime-but I do think it needs more work also.
| The Middleman chapter 3 . 8/7/2009
I felt compelled to comment again after reading the next two chapters. I read your earlier version of this story on another site and I must say that this version is an outstanding improvement over the first version. The story is tight, the characters are true to their television persona and you have developed a great concept for the lives of Star Trek's most star crossed lovers in a post Terra Prime world. Please keep on writing, you are making Trip & T'Pol fans around the world very happy.
| The Middleman chapter 1 . 8/7/2009
Excellent start! Go for it!