|Reviews for Naze?|
| Guest chapter 23 . 7/18/2012
Question: Why the fuck would Pain want Naruto to stay in Konoha. They could've taken Gaara, killed Sasuke & Sakura and be home free. Instead, they're trapped in Konoha, sealed with a Pledge, under constant surveillance, had all information about the Kyuubi being extracted, information on Ame being released and anything more which is bound to be found out in the near future being found out by Konoha.
I just can't see why Pain would do that.
| Guest chapter 17 . 7/4/2012
I love your QnA, it explains a lot about Naruto's character that I was still confused about.
The whole shielding from KI thing was annoying to read. It feels very 'other anime-y' and isn't supported by canon at all. He managed to overcome it on his own in canon, it should be easier here.
The flashback was well done. I didn't mind the length (length is always a dumb thing to complain about if the writing is good and the author isn't repeating themselves), and it provided some background I was very curious about. Yeah you watered down Tayuya a bit, but she's very annoying if totally canon so I dot blame you.
| Guest chapter 16 . 7/3/2012
Your Orochimaru is awesome as is your Gaara and your deviation from the invasion is really unique and interesting. Actually, you did pretty much everything right here, though I doubt Gaara had forgone genjutsu training since he wasn't put to sleep at the start of the canon invasion (thankfully) and since none of the assassinations on him had succeeded (someone would have tried it). All of that said, the fight was very entertaining and a lot of fun to read, which is what counts the most anyways.
| Guest chapter 15 . 7/3/2012
Heh, curiosity killed the cat...
I see what ya did there.
Also digging their self-destructive relationship. You developed it well here and yes Anko could be convinced with an argument like this when she so desperately wants to give in too.
The minor village thing was overdone here but the concept was more then interesting enough to keep the scene enjoyable.
| Guest chapter 14 . 7/2/2012
This feels like you took 3 steps back to appease your readers. You went from having him knocked out to having him go on a tirade about his abilities in front of the most powerful people in the country, having him intimidate everyone (jeopardizing a lot with the stunt he fielded oto), and having him blink back from totally exhausted to battle ready in half a second.
This is all really bad Naruto ff sh*t. Granted the writing is much better then in those fics, but the content of this chapter fell in line with the mindless droves of fics that I go to stories like this to avoid.
The only people I felt were actually well characterized here were the Third, Kakashi and Sakura, all of whom had very small roles. The whole million conflicting emotions (in pupiless red eyes ffs) at every turn is also cliched and annoying.
Not trying to be a dick, this just isn't one of your better chapters. That said, I understand why, you wanted to give people the lulepicwin Naruto that people were probably crying about not reading last chapter, but honestly that never goes well.
| Guest chapter 13 . 7/2/2012
Excellent. I don't really care that he lost (though it still feels unrealistic given his training) because the fight was so good I can't get hung up on it.
| Guest chapter 12 . 7/1/2012
"The resemblance was too vivid to ignore. Nevertheless, Naruto had forced himself to ignore such thought"
This caught me off guard, I don't expect this kind of thing to slip by a writer like you, but it's painful no matter who does it.
I also hope Naruto down plays his own skill in the sense that he's not that strong relative to Ame nin in general and that Konoha's prodigies are surprisingly weak. Attracting business to Ame plays into Pein's long term goals after all and Naruto's a smart boy.
I liked the giggling, a lot.
| Guest chapter 9 . 7/1/2012
Naruto's moodswings come off as too abrupt. I know what you're going for with them, but it doesn't come off well as unstable or as masquerading.
I was also secretly hoping you'd change up the exam format, yours is one of the few stories where a large change would be believable.
I really really enjoyed the comment about Anko liking Morino. It was very slyly done and a nice piece of dramatic irony (something which fanfiction offers an incredible potential for, but which few authors use effectively).
Why did Naruto let himself get knocked out of the prelims? He could have done his 'desperation' move an then shakily gotten to his feet or something, and then collapsing when he was declared the winner. It wouldn't really be any less surprising then him pulling off that move anyways.
Shouldn't he want to be in the finals so he (and his team) can take out Kankuro and Temari? Then he could nab Gaara on his trek back. And why is he acting like it's all over if they don't capture Gaara during the exams. They have to avoid connection with the kidnapping either way, and frankly that would be easier to do outside of a camera filled forest where a team disappearing (with no corpses left behind) would be suspicious in itself and immediately connected with Gaara's disappearance. And why isn't Naruto thinking about this? He seems too smart to not consider his options over 4 days.
Lastly, I like your Naruto. His 'habits' are done well and you maintain his childishness well within the context of someone who had to mature much too early and has seen far too much. I'm not sure if that makes sense (or if this review is coherent) as it's 2:40AM for me not accounting for jet lag.
At any rate this is great work, I felt there were some moments that seemed jarring or nonsensical, but it was predominantly excellent. It's just easier (and probably more helpful) to point out the few things that felt 'off' and the few that were totally awesome, then to point out all the things that were good/great.
| Guest chapter 6 . 6/30/2012
Hmm... And I just know you'll include the full rookie nine (- Naruto) and team Gai in it. Is it really realistic none of them got field promoted? I mean team 7 would have had that at age eight...
| Guest chapter 6 . 6/30/2012
Shouldn't Anko have a disguise and mission moniker? She was originally a leaf nin in canon and I don't see how you could have involved her with Orochimaru if she wasn't.
As for Naruto's attire... The whole oddly cut sleeve bullshit doesn't seem to fit well with someone that doesn't care about their appearance. That said it fits decently with someone still longing to be visible, acknowledged, remembered, etc. You did very well with a conflicted Naruto wanting to have been discovered at some level.
As for power levels... You gave Naruto brutal training for 4 years, a crap load of mission experience and a head start even before he left Konoha. All of that alone should give him a massive edge over canon Naruto. But, even more than that you gave him a very powerful bloodline limit he's had a long time to develop and handed him kage bushin and it's exploding and shuriken equivalents (both crazily op).
Please don't cheapen your work by making him barely stronger than his canon self. If you really need to, rubber band everyone else important, but don't fall in the trap of having to force a character you feel you made too strong into making stupid, terrible tactical decisions all the time, or conviently forgetting they can d or d, or making them substantially slower then they should be for no other reason then to have decent fights. Instead give some random justification for why everyone else he is fighting is stronger (easy with Sakura and Sasuke) is stronger than they were in canon, or don't bring it up at all.
| Guest chapter 5 . 6/30/2012
Welp, still awesome. You managed to make such an unconventional pairing work without coming out forced (though I'd prefer a friendship to a pairing). 4 year time skip will be the death of this though, I can feel it.
| Guest chapter 4 . 6/30/2012
This is one of the best fics I've read, at least up to this point. Then again it will probably become painfully derivative by the time we reach the exams (the fact that he will be participating pretty much ensures this) and in making Naruto and Anko (a preferred pairing of yours I suppose) work. I owe it to such a fantastic beginning to at least read the next few chapters, but I have an inkling most of the refreshing originality of this story is about to go up in smoke.
| snoopy.0 chapter 23 . 6/3/2012
Love the plot. Can't wait for the next chapter too come. Make it soon!
| uchiha isuke chapter 2 . 5/6/2012
your putting him in akatsuki at like chunnin level that is not realistic you idiot
| entityoffire chapter 23 . 5/2/2012
awesome story. D