Reviews for Redo
Crystal Silvera chapter 1 . 4/13/2014
Gahhh . . .

That huge long review?

Belongs to moi. Something weird happened to my computer, and, well, it signed me out and I had no idea . . .

Anyway. (I only realized after I typed some of my story, hit "Save," and it said there was an /error/ . . . T.T) Sorry 'bout that! XP
Guest chapter 1 . 4/12/2014
Well, 'bout time I put in my few cents . . .

Overall, I have to say that this is one of the better K/N fics I've read so far. (And boy, have I gone through a lot, trying to find good ones, scavenging through the entire archive, only to be rewarded with a few . . .)

A bone to pick: There are definitely technical mistakes, though the creativity counterpart/partner (unintentional reference . . .) is great. :D A few tips:

If you have dialogue, then a period, the next word is capitalized. BUT it should NOT be capitalized if it is an exclamation or question mark, and expresses something about the said dialogue. (Oh, gosh, that sounds confusing . . .) (Ex. [I'm going to use examples from your fic, to make it easier to understand. :) ] : {". . . Kit, don't these things cost at least a hundred bucks each?" She asked incredulously.} "She" shouldn't be capitalized, since it connects the dialogue and the following phrase. . . . Ditto with the first thing Nita says in the beginning.)

There are a few words that start sentences that /should/ be capitalized, but I'm pretty sure those are just typos. XD

Back to the dialogue thing: Same goes for thoughts. (Ex.: {/I guess I better get used to it./ She thought to herself.} To make it flow better and make sense grammatically and, well, visually, just change the period after "it" to a comma and make "She" lowercase.)

Again on dialogue (sorry . . . wow, am I picky): If there's dialogue inserted in the middle of the action, and the aforementioned action continues to be described after the dialogue, then the dialogue should end with a comma and the following narration should start with a lowercase word. (Ex.: { [Kit] said, "Look around." sweeping his arm . . .} Actually, no problem with the whole lowercase thing there. Just the comma-period thing. Change the period after "around" and you'll be fine. :) )

. . . Okay. Enough with the critique: now let me find something that doesn't make me feel so guilty . . .

Well, normally I don't read fluff but every now and then I'll feel compelled to scour some archive to find a well-written one. I'm a bit fickle: I want something that'll satisfy that need to read a pairing, and yet make enough sense so that it's not overboard . . . And usually I want some sort of plotline, along with canonical references or characters or - Well, basically anything canonical will do.

And so, yes, your wonderful work caught my eye and convinced me enough to read the first part.

Obviously, I read it through (three times, actually . . . XD) and am leaving you this to read. I'm not sure if you'll ever see this, now that I think about it: this was posted in 2009 . . . which is four years ago . . . But then again, this is the YW archive and it's not exactly easy to find newer /anything/ about it. :)

I'll tell you this: It's rare that I see a fanfic author whose fluff writing actually has some kind of density and context to it. (Those might've been the wrong words, but they feel right . . .) There's real /substance/, in fact defying the label we FFN users decided to give it. This is one of those gems where the fluff isn't "fluffy" at all, but has weight to it. :D And that's exactly what I keep trying to find, and end up with, go figure, something not unlike clouds.

And it seems so natural for you to write all this . . . For me, the entire story would've been an impossibility. (As you might be able to tell, I am a total dud when it comes to writing romance . . .)

So, concluding my novella-length review: Amazing, epic job, and I hope you do write more even though it's been four years! 8D
UnderxGravity chapter 1 . 6/1/2011
Not often a fic can make me Literally "LOL". The first kiss scene, how she doubted she'd even kissed him after such a stumble, made me laugh so much! The first scene was really good to hook the audience too, with Kit and his little victory dance with Nita's father. I love this!
vapanalley chapter 1 . 10/30/2010
Oh my goodness I could not tell you how many boy-asks-girl-he-likes-about-girl-advice-and-it-turns-out-to-be-the-same-girl ficlets I've seen. But this just tops them all. This seriously hurt to read and when they did kiss it was oh so sweet. :) Amazing to the nth degree!
britt chapter 1 . 8/17/2010
This is such an amazing piece! Its rare to find fanfiction that is actually beautiful and well written. I hope you keep writing!
maple the wacky tree chapter 1 . 10/23/2009
OMG! that was so freakin' good! i didn't think it was humanly possible to laugh your head off and squeal in delight at the same time. kudos! kudos! you did such a good job keeping them in character. to be honest, an awkward screw-up seems exactly what their first kiss would be like.

squee! the fluff nearly made my heart go out. i'm gonna make you pay the medical bills. ;D
Emily chapter 1 . 10/23/2009
That was really cute. : ) Thank you. The first bit, where Kit crashes into Nita's dad, was too funny. What a great story! That made my day; now I'm smiling like an idiot (who should be working on her schoolwork) at how happy that story was. : ) Aw...
Starbucks3894 chapter 1 . 10/7/2009
Aw. I love Kit/Nita fics. And this one was especially adorable. :)
ThReE AqUiLa chapter 1 . 9/5/2009
SnowsongIsAJaypawFan chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
haha. The car/bike needs a name.
Curlscat chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
That was adorable and I loved it and thank you for writing something new!
Bubblesswimmer chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
I like it a all lot! Would have been interesting to throw Ronan's name in there...

Good job!
QuixoticQuest chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
Let me start by saying I'm not huge on one-shots. But this one really works. I like the pacing, the whole motorcycle thing is cool (makes me want one, ha, ha- though I'd be too chicken to ride one). Anyways, the characters aren't OOC, and the entire setup is nicely paced. The kissing is also realistic for their characters, they probably wouldn't get it right the first time.

This is really cute and an awesome story.

Nice work!

-Don "QuixoticQuest"
Eavan chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
This is beautiful. I love it. It's well-written, and realistic, and totally sweet. Ki' ts obsession with the motorcycle reflects interests he has and his personality, and the fact that he involved with his feelings for Nita makes complete sens.

I'm sorry about these apparent typo; I use the speech recognition progra to type and its acting up in this window

anyway, because a well-rounded critique is important, I'll just add tha the way you detail his excitement makes it sounds just a little bit over the top initially, I mea, I'm not sure that we need quite so man illustrations of his frantic energy y n. T

. M s

also, I feel like you're getting into a popular but overused way of expressing intense emotion namely the very long sentence:gulping, Nita felt as though strings of tension had been cut all over her body, and that she would probably be relieved as soon as the numbness wore off, but she couldn’t think about that right now, because there was still at least four feet of loaded air between them, and one of them had to bridge it…

it's just that one sentence, thoug. h,
Reading Redhead chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
Gah, this is so adorable, and more importantly, so REAL. It usually doesn't work out like in the movies, and one thing that I love about Nita and Kit is that I know that when they fall in love (no ifs about it) it'll be something that feels natural, with all of the awkwardness that accompanies normal teenage love. You've done a great job portraying that here.

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