|Reviews for Falling Farther In|
| Nat chapter 1 . 6/29/2015
Best story I've ever read... 3
| TheYellowMoon chapter 1 . 6/3/2013
Loved it, although I don't understand why people insist on having Ike use the word touché. It seems out of place to me and I think he would more likely say "fair enough"
| Guest chapter 1 . 9/4/2011
| King Ike of Crimea chapter 1 . 9/22/2010
Hey that was a really great story. I really liked the story book ending. Amazing job and well done
| Affictionata chapter 1 . 8/10/2010
Just thought you deserved to know, I enjoyed reading your story. I was disappointed that there were so few Ike/ Elincia stories! I found yours to be pretty well-written, apart from some errors (kindly pointed out by Zoraiah- fantastic job by the way). I will read more of your stories later, and I hope you keep writing!
| Sansuri chapter 1 . 2/3/2010
Great story! I can't wait for Elincia's part
| CharonicImpulse chapter 1 . 1/7/2010
*basking in the warm afterglow of IkexElincia*
Is that enough of feed for you? XD There were some minor spelling errors, but yea. Write moar plox
| Tezna chapter 1 . 12/16/2009
Hey i really liked the story so far, interested in how it turns out. Good work
| Title Track chapter 1 . 9/18/2009
was really cute! I really liked it!You do have a point though,there really isn't many Ike x Elincia fans. :( anyway, i'm anxious to read your other stories now! Great job! I really liked it!
| FEScrublord chapter 1 . 8/23/2009
Yay! Ike/Elincia! This is my UBER favorite pairing, and even with the stories I've written for it, there's just not enough of it on the site.
| Andromeda Rising chapter 1 . 8/11/2009
You're right, Ike and Elincia fans/fics seem to be few and far between. I think the reason is that Radiant Dawn pretty much killed their chances of getting together by having him leave the court... and later, leaving Tellius altogether. Or people don't like the princess(/queen)/hero(/commoner) dynamic. Either way, I still like it, even after Radiant Dawn.
Anyway, enough rambling, and onto the fic. Oh, and I hope you don't mind the constructive criticism peppered here and there.
Okay... first off, I like your writing style. The balance between dialogue and description is good: not too much, and not too little. Some of the paragraphs, though, could stand to be divvied up, especially the first one.
The characterization was all pretty spot-on. The interaction between Ike and Elincia was so cute: familiar, but also hesitant. Aww. There were so many adorable moments. Soren seemed to be his usual stern self; Shinon and Gatrie were themselves, as well, even drunk. Though Titania was a tad out of character, she was drunk, and kudos on including hints of her love for Greil and Ike being all, "What?" Ike, at times, was a bit too eloquent... I doubt "pertaining" would be in his vocabulary.
Since you said you wanted someone to beta this for you, I figured I'd just go ahead and point out any grammatical flaws and errors. I might have missed some, though; I went over this and picked errors when I noticed them.
[Ike blushed.] This is written from his POV, so that's not right. It's like saying "he blinked his blue eyes". He can't see his blush or his blue eyes, so it sounds strange. "He felt his face growing hot" could be a viable substiture for "he blushed". This happened a handful of times throughout.
[“Touché,” he laughed, feeling more lighthearted than usual, despite the normal anxieties that plagued his mind.] That should be, “Touché.” He laughed[...]
[We have the support of Begnion’s apostle and her army, a task that is impossible in it of itself. It’s only a matter of time until Crimea is free once more.”] The correct expression is "in and of itself".
[Ike placed a quick kiss on her forehead, still afraid of being so affectionate in the opened, “Then, I promise you I will always be at the lead when the army returns.”] That should have been "in the open[...]".
[She smiled: Ike always kept his promises, no matter how impossible they seemed. It was why she could believe her country would be freed, and it was why she knew he would always come back alive.] You're head-hopping. If this is in Ike's POV, and not omniscient, we shouldn't hear Elincia's thoughts.
[She was so beautiful.] Remember... show, don't tell. It's true you can't show everything, but beauty is subjective, so you should describe what exactly is beautiful to Ike.
[He hesitated a moment then pulled her into his embrace, placing a chaste kiss on her lips, “You’re so beautiful.”] Would Ike be so forward? Also, déjà vu. "She was so beautiful" is used a handful of times, to the point where it's a bit redundant.
[“Ike, you idiot! You could have scolded yourself or… or hit your head!”] Elincia "scolded" him, but I think you meant he could have "scalded" himself.
[Her eyebrows knit together in anger, but quickly soften again as she sighed.] That should be "softened".
[“I’m always worried about you,” She smiled slightly, “But you’ve promised me you’ll always return alive.”] There should be a period after "you" and "slightly".
[“I have,” He said softly, loosening his grip to look at her.] "He" should not be capitalized.
[His first mistake was opening his eyes; he was met by her lovely golden stare and porcine features, instantly bringing a guilty blush to his face.] Just so you know, "porcine" means "pertaining to a pig/overweight to the extent of resembling a pig". I didn't know what the word meant, but it sounded strangely like the French word for "pig", so I looked it up and I was right. Haha, I don't think that's what you meant.
[“Oh, Ike,” Her voice was filled with so many emotions at once: excitement, joy, fear, anger, sorrow.] There should be a period after "Ike"; aside, the rest of the paragraph should begin anew.
[“Ike, no,” She rested her head on his bare shoulder, letting her arms loop around his neck and hang down his back.] There should be a period after "no".
[This time, it was Shinon of all people who reacted, slapping Gatrie in the head before Titania could wheel around and unleash her fiery on the poor drunk.] That should be her "fury". Or "fiery rage"? Hmm.
[“Ike,” She whispered his name, mid yawn.] "She" should not be capitalized.
[Their story is pulled strait from the pages of a dusty old storybook, resting on the far shelf. They cannot make out the book’s ending: it is a tragedy or a beacon of hope?] That should be "straight".
[The last few pages are missing, what will their ending be?] This is a bit subjective/a stylistic sort of thing, but that comma would probably be best replaced by a semicolon.
[‘Falling Further In’ is a cd by the bad ‘October Project’. The song, ‘Funeral In His Heart’ makes me think of Ike.] You do mean band? Heh.
Despite the small grammatical errors, I enjoyed reading this. I look forward to your next stories.