|Reviews for Okage 2: A Second Journey|
| The Genius Mage chapter 12 . 5/9/2010
*blinks* For some reason, I see a bunch of squares everywhere.
| Guest chapter 10 . 10/29/2009
An update! PRAISE THE LORD!
A few types but nothing too major, a very interesting and informing chapter.
Yes, KT had little in the ways of personality.
You've managed to do humor combined with adventure, something I commonly can't do at the same time. Amazing.
But hey I'm gonna try a second Okage fic and try to capture the humor next t-
Ignoring me. Like I said, awesome chapter. Update soon.
| The Genius Mage chapter 9 . 10/16/2009
Excellent! That's right. Sometimes schdules don't work, they don't for me.
Good interesting chapter. I think Rosalyn would try to "re-educate" Ari after Stan's moves, but maybe not. Good to see a chapter again.
On another note, to ease up a bit on the long listing of people talking, may I reccomend poses? *glare at Kaoru because I know what he's going to say.*
Poses as in, my fave story word, detail!
Ari crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. "You...and Rosalyn...are going to go fight ghosts?"
Stan snickered, looking partically pleased with himself. "That's right, Slave. Those ghosts are forgetting their true master, moi."
Rosalyn's eyes flashed with laughter, and she brought a hand to her face in an effort to hide her amusement. "If you're their master, why is one stealing your bottle right now?"
Example. Anyway, ignore if you want, because I need to stop pestering.
My bro, sis, and I loved the chapter. My bro says it was hard to tell sometimes if it was a flashback or not but I didn't.
| Kaoru chapter 8 . 10/8/2009
...dude. This chapter was funny and all but like I said, ignore my long winded friend down there.
(grins at her)
Sometimes the descriptions just sound weird. theyre good descriptions but they dont have proper commas or whatever.
Good chapter, anyway.
| Tzrema chapter 8 . 10/1/2009
I've been reading your story, but have never got the time to review it...until now!
I'm glad to see more Okage fans getting on here...it's nice to see new and updated frequently stories. I really like your fanfic, as it does seem like an expansion to the game. You've done a great job with the characters, as they are all pretty in character, too!
However, I will offer my critiques. While there are some spelling and grammar issues here and there, the main thing is your use of description. It seems to vary throughout the story. Let's take Chapter 8 as an example-when describing scenes or situations, you don't need to add every little detail, but if you do want to, try to make it flow more.
Example: Instead of "Ari was seated in a soft, stand-up chair. Rosalyn sat cross legged in a wooden chair near the door.", try connecting them like:
"Ari was seated in a soft, stand up chair, while Rosalyn sat near the door in a wooden chair, cross-legged." You can omit the wooden chair or cross-legged part completely, or keep it if you like. Basically, you don't need to add an immense amount of details unless it is serving as some purpose in the story. ((For instance, you may have used this as symbolism, where it is fine for the great detail, but the sentences still need to flow, unless, once again, creating a certain effect))
But besides that one issue and some minor ones here and there, you're doing great, and I'll probably critique more here and there in coming chapters (I don't want to overwhelm you!), but I look forward to the rest of this story! :D
| The Genius Mage chapter 8 . 10/1/2009
"It's Whale Woman VS. Amazon Lady!" Stan said.
That's epic win. I just cracked up laughing.
My bro's here again, he likes the story, but has a comment.
My bro goes by "The Game Sage", or TGS.
TGS: Wonderful story and all. HOWEVER. I believe Epros is naturally evasive when it comes to physical moves, as a Phantom, is he not?
My little sis, "EmeraldTH" loved it also. The chinco chihuahas were awesome, she says.
What do I say? Glad you updated, I was afraid you weren't going to today.
*cheers* Awesome, and thanks to you I wrote out the whole of my Okage story and will upload it at some point or other...It has around 130 pages.
Peace, Kaoru will probably say somethin' soon, he called me to say you updated since he knows I love this story.
| Kaoru chapter 7 . 9/24/2009
Dude Epros is my fav character need more on him. lulz
yeah k sorry for the late review. this chappie was pretty funny. feelz more okagey than my friend's, she just now realized it was ooc and i went 'no dur'.
yeah. wutever. update, this is pretty sweet.
| The Genius Mage chapter 7 . 9/17/2009
I cracked up laughing at this.
I loved this chapter, and can I ask a question?
Do you hate/support StanxRosalyn? I love that and LindaxEpros, and ArixMarlene.
Loved this chapter, my bro and little sis agree, update whenever convient!
If I can, let me know what I can do to congratulate you! If you want me to do a giftfic for you tell me what so I can get cracking!
Other than that I need to update my own Okage story .
Loved it, made me look forward to getting home. )
| The Genius Mage chapter 6 . 9/10/2009
Aw Marlene and Ari's relationship is so awkward but adorable!
This chapter was depressing but not too badly so that I started crying, haha. It's nice to see that little detail about the promise, it's a good story element.
I'm puzzled to hear about Linda being sad, we need detail on that!
Haha. Okay. I enjoyed the story and chapter as always, you've once again brightened up a dismal school day.
I read about your editor not being here so I'm not gonna bring up typoes or whatever.
| Kaoru chapter 6 . 9/10/2009
I'm a friend of Inspiration of Imagination, (good god she needs a shorter name).
So I read this, saw some typoes, but nothin major cause I dont write myself and to be honest its better than the crap i have to write for school where i spell 'their' wrong.
All good, this chapter was decent and the promise adds life to what Ari is feelin for Marlene.
Dude, though, sometimes there was so much sentences without something sayin who said what i lost track. I know my friend said to do that occasionally, but shes pushy so ignore her.
hehe she's gonna kill me later.
| The Genius Mage chapter 5 . 9/3/2009
Okay...no early releases?
I need to tell you then, I read these with my brother and my little sister who likes Okage, but only I have an account.
This story is really, really good. You can do combat scenes right and there were only a few very minor typoes. The slapping scenes made me grin, because there's somethin' wrong with that RockStar guy. XD
Um...nice move throwing the urn out, those were just...annoying. I kinda imagined the ghosts in the dungeon came out of the urn since they stopped for that floor once they were destroyed. Beats me, and yeah, they're lame. Imagine writing that! Like maybe once or twice there's an urn, but that's still kinda hard to write. XD
Okay. I love it, no more critcism, cuz you fixed it already.
My brother says:
*I went back to read this after my sister pointed it out, and I like the style. Some things I wouldn't have done, but then again I'm not a writer. Keep on going, these are very good.*
My little sister is only 10, she just says she loves it. )
And...that's it! Hahah. I look forward to these updates, makes a school day worth pulling through.
The part with Linda was genius. _
| The Genius Mage chapter 4 . 8/27/2009
Every Thursday, that's a good update style. I update on the weekends.
*scratches head* Ready for another LONG spiel?
Okay. In my opinion, MY OPINION, which shouldn't really affect yours too much, I think Stan calls Rosalyn fat too much, way too often. He's said more fat puns then he said in the whole game in one or two chapters, not that they aren't funny.
Also, video links don't show up on fanfiction by the way.
...Okay, what else...
You're writing style is funny, I was actually smiling while reading, which is good. Maybe you can do what I do and use a thesaurus for Kisling, (my microsoft word has one built in), but if not I don't really care.
Can we see a *little* detail? Like the weather or something, the smells, sights, etc. Don't worry overmuch if you don't, I assume like with most fanfictions that you believe the reader knows what it looks like already.
Otherwise, I still greatly enjoy this. I'm not being mean am I? I don't intend to. If you're going to add original characters as partners, go ahead. OCs make the story more interesting, even though you already have OCs with the made up Evil Kings. Your story is more Okage-y then mine, I think mine is too...serious or something.
| The Genius Mage chapter 3 . 8/21/2009
*makes a face* I figured the whole thing was a dream, then I'd get ticked off if none of that actually happened.
Haha. Nicely done! Very nicely done.
You have some spellings errors, I can pick a few out, but it's not that big of a deal, and very occasionally you miss some punctuation.
No big deal. Still EASILY readable and understandable. Nice, fluid writing style, fun to read, with a touch of humor.
Thanks for not being a Marlene hater! Some people can't look past the fact the doll is different than the real thing.
So...I'm not sure if Annie is a jerk or not, don't remember, but you do her well. Also, Julia IS a little witch, so don't worry about that. Haha.
*thinks* Thanks for rhyming with Epros,and heck yeah they won't let her sing, for good reason. Linda has a crush on Epros now I think, but maybe still Stan...Depends on how you want to portray it.
Sometimes you don't have to keep putting "-Insert character here-" said. You could do:
"Where's Stan?" Rosalyn asked.
"How am I supposed to know?" Ari replied.
"Well, jeesh, he DOES live in your house!"
"Well, he's out now."
Even if you don't, that's still okay.
...Oh my God. I nitpick. So sorry. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE this story, why wasn't it on my faves list earlier? Please continue, I hate when I see good stuff some people just stop updating.
This story is excellent, and so are you. _ My first story had more typoes than this, so no worries.
I'll add this to faves, both you and the story, okay? )
| The Genius Mage chapter 2 . 8/14/2009
Yay more new Okage people. _
This section needs more love.
Welcome to Okage. _ I'll be your master and creator...joking. I like this story, by the way. Might want to try and put just a little more detail about the surroundings and thoughts, but still a very good story. )
Welcome to Fanfiction, too! If you need any help or anything throw me a PM.
-Inspiration of Imagination-