|Reviews for When the Deer Run|
| Fired Feathers of a Pheonix chapter 1 . 4/26/2010
hey! You have to continue this story! I've been waiting 4-eva 4 it! Or, could you at least give the story to me so that I may finish it? It's rly good! PLZ?
Thank you for readin my review.
| rinjy1 chapter 3 . 11/30/2009
I really like it so far, icant wait intill you put more out.
| Frocck chapter 3 . 11/27/2009
is there anouther chapter coming? (sad yet exsited look) please the first 3 are so good! i need to read more!
| Fired Feathers of a Pheonix chapter 2 . 11/3/2009
LUV da story. I keep re-reading it cause I luv it! X3 Anyway, you better upload soon! I've been waiting 4eva!
| Fired Feathers of a Pheonix chapter 3 . 9/30/2009
Aw! I love these kind of stories! At first in this chapter I thought it was from Ino's point of veiw so I got confused when it said 'my daughter waving at me'. _' anyways, write more! Shikamaru's one of my favs so don't not update the story or I won't ever review again! (haha I probably scared u didn't I?) I actually thought of writing a story about this but then I saw this and wuz like "NEVER MIND!" X3
(srry bout long review)
| BlackPANDA xD chapter 3 . 8/28/2009
ooh cake 0 anymoo, this story is pretty interesting! i want to punch shikaku for being such an ass, but he'll get his just deserts, right? :D
well there are some types but nothing major but other than that, i love this! first chapter was extremely depressing though o_o
| In.Light.Syrup chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
the last thing that i expected when i clicked on this story was an abusive fic. er. that's just... weird. i really dont get your shikamaru, he is nothing like him except for the troublesome remarks you put on occasionally. at the beginning i thought you were describing an OC, until near the end.
shikamaru and abuse? the concept is extremely foreign, especially considering his parents, and his personality. it's like you got out a mary sue and plastered shikamaru's name on it, because this makes no sense!
ok. i read yur a/n at the bottom and decided to continue reading. still didn't really like it. i dont know, theres just something pitiful about it. not your writing, but shikamaru himself. and not in a good way. the beginning just screamed 'PITY ME!' its like one of the everyday abuse fics, only with a slight naruto twist, and an author who had to pick the most difficult person to put it on. i mean, sakura, or naruto, or kiba would've been way easier. what i'm saying is to add some interesting details or add ons that immediately screams shikamaru while still sounding original. and i would recommend if you would lay out the facts, details, and flashbacks in a less direct way. this is just a whumpfest, no offence.
and shikamaru crying? that concept is also foreign, even at his age. i would expect his genius mind to go into shock, as he stumbles into the yamanaka house with a blank look on his face, but lets out one small sob when inoichi hugs him. that would've been more shikamaru-like.
and ino and chouji, they ARE shikamaru's best friends, so a chapter in their POV's would be cool too. i need to see some of that pure chouji/shikamaru friendship that was so unique in naruto. and what about his teachers? iruka maybe? or tsunade? o.O naruto finding out would be interesting...
in the end, you've got one OOC shikamaru, one horribly AU parent, and a normal every day angst whumpfest. hurrah.
hm. do you read twilight? that vampire book? before you look at me in disgust, let me explain. i know a fanfic from it that absolutely blew my mind away. i'm serious, that author was a god, writing the intense emotions with utter perfection. read only the first chapter, and you'll get many tips on your story.
short cap: the cullen family are a family of vampires that are a sort of 'vegetarians,' drinking animal blood. jaspar and alice, the newbies to the family, go hunting, but jaspar accidentally kills a human. note here that jaspar has the gift of empathy, and can read emotions, and that he had recently quit human blood, so it is harder to resist them than any other vampire. carlisle, the father figure of the family, goes off to find him when he runs away, consumed with guilt.
the fanfic is called:
"And Then He Took My Hand Part 2: Jaspar" a Twilight fanfic by hopesallthings.
even if you haven't read twilight, i absolutely recommend you read this fanfic.
well thats the end of the review. hope this helps you.
| Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 2 . 8/19/2009
that was a depressing chapter, i haven't chosen whether to read on or or we'll see! this is interesting thru!
| SilentSnowfall chapter 2 . 8/19/2009
It's alright, and seems like it will get a lot better as it goes on. I personally don't like it when Shika's dad is cast as being abusive, but I can't help it. Will there be a romantic pairing in this story? Sorry if that sounds dumb.
Oh, and witholding chapters/updates until people review, make people NOT want to review. Just so you know.
| Lucy Ash Hawthorne chapter 1 . 8/14/2009
hm Shika being abused by the yamaka. not to ma taste to be honest but very good start all the same.