|Reviews for Camping Trip|
| Agato - The Hadou Inari chapter 2 . 8/17/2009
It's not bad but you shifted everything too quickly there in the second part. One minute she's pissed and a Demon to him and the next she's his Angel and they love each other?
That's a HUGE bug you need to redo and fix. Nothing personal of course but that was WAY too quick. You gotta build up tension first and have Sky do something real special for her to make her like him back.
For the Demon/Angel thing he KIDNAPPED her. She would be VERY hostile towards him a lot longer than you put it.
For my opinion (And only my opinion) you should completely redo this story.
| Agato - The Hadou Inari chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
Two things wrong that corrected would be more enjoyable...and less hurt on the eyes.
1) Longer. Sometimes not all Authors can make really long CH's with everything summarized. Try making it up as you go and increase it's potential of amazement and excitment.
2) Don't put the sentences so close together. It hurts peoples eyes to squint and read everything like that and it's worse for people who have sight troubles.
Fix those errors and I garuntee you I'll be back.
| Name2830 chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
creepy...good story btw!(: