Umm if I was I ninja would I tell the mechanics behind my jutsu?

Lmao. It took Naruto a month to learn the rasengan. Not a week. By the time he made that bet with Tsunade, he was already practicing with the rasengan for weeks.

v

Ok i liked your story so far. But you made a HUGE mistake in this chapter. You created to many charcters and went into too much details. I noticed this in the last chapter too. I honestly dont think you need over half of those charcters and if you did you could have gotten a way with xxx the leader/head of xxxx squard/organiztion/clan. This story has huge potenial but you went off tanget.

get a fucking beta

So you can stay here cause it might pull us into the war..bit here a bunch of village secretsand the premise of how the raikage does his advance technique... I get you want to explain how his jutsu works and paint a vivid picture but explaining it to what amounts to future enemy's that just spastic.

You are dumping too much information in one go about the clans. Some 14 odd people each having three paragraphs minimum is too much and stalls the story. It is nice to get some background on important characters, you've done this at the expense of progression. When you dump that much info on a reader it becomes a chore to get through it.

My opinion is this fic is horrible

0-Dimensional Characters with little to no character development. You purposely made your fave characters to OP and too out of place in the Naruto world.

The MC is the problem, he's too much of an Edgelord, now don't get me wrong I like Grey!/Smart! Naruto stories, but this is straight up edgy and emo Naruto. His reasons for hating Konoha are mostly dumb, and one-sided. His hate is unneeded

World-building is horrible, and Plot holes are everywhere

There is no Development between characters in this fic, you just made the best Naruto characters straight up dislikeable and horrible. The relationship between his wives is terrible, mostly them just hitting Naruto and him retreating or surrendering to their 'wrath'. This just made Naruto's Personality useless

My opinion is this fic is horrible

1. 0-Dimensional Characters with little to no character development. You purposely made your fave characters to OP and too out of place in the Naruto world.

2. The MC is the problem, he's too much of an Edgelord, now don't get me wrong I like Grey!/Smart! Naruto stories, but this is straight up edgy and emo Naruto. His reasons for hating Konoha are mostly dumb, and one-sided. His hate is unneeded

3. World-building is horrible, and Plot holes are everywhere

4. There is no Development between characters in this fic, you just made the best Naruto characters straight up dislikeable and horrible. The relationship between his wives is terrible, mostly them just hitting Naruto and him retreating or surrendering to their 'wrath'. This just made Naruto's Personality useless

SPOILER SHEESH

Why didn't he think to go to suna?

Interesting to read so many names of Bleach, the story is quite entertaining. Good job

This was horrible. Why did his personality change all of a sudden. Why did his vocabulary expand. Why does everyone turn naruto into some edgelord. The show is called naruto for a reason. Changing his personality makes it a different show. Both yall are some weirdos and extremely bad at writing

1. 0-dimensional side characters that are there to fail/succeed because the author hates/loves them. I can already picture how it will go from the first chapter and it's not a good sign.
2. Too much unnecessary information. Why should anyone care that Konoha was pranked by some children when Naruto was banished? Like, how does that very specific piece of info add anything to the story? It's not just unnecessary, it's boring. 90% of this is entirely skippable and the other 10% is your very subjective view on some events/people that only shows your perspective and nothing else. As an author, you're supposed to show, not tell.
Uninspired overall

i hate that village and the people in it well most of them pure fucking scum eww dont get me started