|Reviews for The Raikage|
| lil'peahqueen133 chapter 19 . 14h
Please continue! I must know what happens next! The feels man! The feels!
| Arion Kagano chapter 4 . 8/21
Now this chapter is much better. While there are some grammatical and spelling errors they don't detract from the plot. You do a good job of describing the action. You set a strong tone and portray the different characters well. This is what I was talking about in reference to the last chapter: you are showing, not telling. The extra info at the bottom is a much better way to share background as it is optional and comes after we have been introduced to STORM
| Arion Kagano chapter 3 . 8/21
Okay you've got a great concept but a bit of a poor execution In this chapter. Hopefully you can take a bit of constructive criticism and advice. This story started pretty interesting. You had a good concept. The reactions to Naruto were well done and emotional. You had Naruto disappear in an interesting way. For the most part the info on what happened to everyone in Konoha was delivered pretty well. There were a couple of parts that could have been streamlined more but we know the characters and want to know what happened to them. But this chapter was a bit of a drag. You front loaded a ton of info on new characters we won't remember because there was too much at once. One of the big things with writing is show not tell. You introduced a ton of characters with names, powers, appearances, positions and history. That's too much for most people to remember when we aren't yet attached to most of these characters. Most readers will either forget or do what I did which is skip most of the war council section. First piece of advice:powers. It's more dynamic for us to find out a character's power when they use them than in a description of said character. We are also more likely to Rembrandt them that way. Second: familiar characters like Killer Bee and Fu we should already know so you shouldn't need to explain their appearances, powers or personalities. Third: characters are more memorable if introduced while doing something not by going down a list. Have the council talk and when someone is talking give their name, title, and, if they are going to be be important, include a single sentence description. Finally, all that war background was a bit too much. Only share roles for major characters and do it sparingly and in different ways, such as flashbacks, telling stories to other characters, etc. Otherwise, just do what you ended up doing and write a story about the war. The one bit that was relevant was when you described what happened to Yugito and Bee. Those two are characters we are invested in so we want to know what happened to them. But you need to get us invested in the other characters before we care what they did in the war. I assume part of what you were trying to do is show how impressive Kumo is now, but you aren't showing us through action.
| Solstro chapter 3 . 8/20
Well, I just started reading this fic a few hours ago, and I have to admit, it's actually pretty good...but you have to calm down on all these info dumps and character bashing.
From what I've read so far, with my understanding and interpretation of Naruto, some of these personalities you've written don't seem realistic to how Kishimoto portrayed them.
Not to mention the OCs man...
It's fine to have OCs in a story, but you literally just described every single aspect about them all in one go. I know that is not something interesting to read, you have to give them time to speak for themselves, show who they truly are from their actions.
I read the entirety of the first 3 you introduced in the war council, and when I remembered you stating that it contained about 30 total, I mentally joked about you doing this for all of the council members...I didn't think you'd actually write everything single detail about them!
Last but not the least, using other characters...really?
Now don't get me wrong, I respect that you want to write that way, and I admire your dedication, fleshing out this world you've created, and to an extent, it's really good, a very nice concept.
Yet you're missing the crucial point of it all, you have to make it interesting and dynamic, my brain hurts from the information overload.
Last but not least, the lore, it's too complex, you should really space the paragraphs a bit better.
In any case, I'll read on and see if it hopefully gets better.
| Asmodeus45 chapter 2 . 8/12
okami Ken no konoha means konoha's wolf sword
| Ladyroo88 chapter 19 . 8/9
Dear Aragon Potter,
I love your fics! The characters are well thought out and awesome battle scenes. The little bits of humor help break up some the really serious stuff. I hope that you will continue writing this is one of my favorites.
| PhantomeLily chapter 2 . 7/26
Unfortunately, I can't bring myself to read this any longer. When I first started, it seemed to be quite promising. However, you don't build on the characters in a believable way, you don't take politics into account, and you make the characters act completely out of what their characters have demonstrated to act like. Konoha is a military dictatorship, the word of the Hokage is law, yet you make it so that Tsunade is absolutely helpless in major decisions but can do whatever she wants when it comes to injuring people, overpower the characters that you like, and make Sakura act horribly to Naruto but have a sudden change of heart. People are so much more complex than that, and while bashing fics can occasionally be pleasurable to read, it very quickly degenerates. You need to flesh out your characters and think of the repercussions of the actions they take.
A country, unless extremely wealthy already, cannot possibly completely cut off a trade agreement over a single person, because both countries will suffer, not just one. That's why they're established in the first place, to benefit both by trading what they don't have for something of equal value.
You also give info-dumps in big bricks of paragraphs; instead, break them up so they're easier to read. Fix your grammar and capitalization (why are you capitalizing ninja?) and possibly get a beta to look over your work and correct the mistakes you miss.
Overall, you need to polish this up. Fix the plotholes and write characters realistically. Watch your grammar, punctuation, and the general language.
| Babanzkiller chapter 19 . 7/23
wow... i like your story buddy
| Guest chapter 19 . 7/18
COULD YOU ST LEAST TELL US WHEN THIS WILL BE UPDATED? This is like the best fucking story and I've been waiting for 2 years now
| IGOT7ARMYs chapter 12 . 7/17
dope means sick sasuke.
| Ryuukasa chapter 2 . 7/12
This fict is quite interesting for me. Unfortunately, it's also too damn many word in one chapter and also make me tired just by reading one damn monologue chapter.
| Guest chapter 19 . 7/8
It's been over two years since you previously updated this story.
| Cabrio9f chapter 6 . 7/3
So you'd say that this Naruto is as strong as Mandara when he controlled the 9tails w/ his sharingan, or a bit more. It'll be a blast if at some point those 2 would clash against one another, and also fight the 1st hokage in his safe mode
| Sman66 chapter 19 . 6/29
The story line I love and the fights are nicely written. The humor is grate and the story has grate flow. The one thing that bugs me is the repeat in the background of the individuals during the story. I like the extra information to read but have it all in the extra section after the chapter is finished were the rest is.
Ps. I rely rely rely like this story and hoping that more will come! Please
| Zou Trip chapter 19 . 6/27
Please continue dear... I'm too thirsty to quench my thirst!