|Reviews for The Raikage|
| CR14 chapter 1 . 20h ago
OK I've read this story twice now and I love it but really you need to update this or any of your other story's
| Kami sama chapter 1 . 3/28
No offense potter are u freaking dead or something i ve read d raikage, the rise of d raikage and hope of d senju clan up 2 three freaking times while the raikage up to like 5 freaking times and i am not kiddin at all pls update atleast 1 of dem for goodness sake
| boomsko chapter 19 . 3/24
Yo this story is the shit
| NaruhinaloverUA chapter 19 . 3/23
It is a very nice and interesting story. I would like to thank you for writing such a wonderful story and surely you are very good witer. I would also appreciate if you complete the story as fast as you can as I can't wait to read more.
| JayBird19 chapter 3 . 3/21
you can skip this chapter...
| JAGA03 chapter 3 . 3/21
taking a page out of romance of the three kingdoms and the warring states era or just the games made by Koe ooh and sengoku basara, nice touchi eh.. how creative of you, no mockery there I am serious not many people use there character at all
| reader chapter 1 . 3/18
please don't stop this story
| Zombieman55 chapter 19 . 3/17
Hey man I know it's been a while since you have been on this site but I love this story and if you could find the time to either write more or get someone to adopt it please
| ninbigboy168 chapter 19 . 3/16
Wow I love this story but dang chapters where so long if I had to guess if you would cut the chapter a lil sooner this would be chapter 106 or less lol. Your writing skill are awsome but you put a lil to much info that could be explain a lil more simpler, I really had to skip alot of the explaining which I apologize seeing that u put alot of work, to tell you the truth this was my 2nd attempt to read the story 1st time I couldn't last till chap 3 way to long for me and I read Hella slow lol. But I'm glad I sicker it up and read all threw it, awsome story adding to fav update soon
| Kandra13 chapter 3 . 3/14
I really tried to get into this story but I found it impossible. Chapter 2 was beyond painful to read, I ended up skipping parts because I was beyond tired of reading about what had happened and wanted to get into the meat of the story. Then chapter 3: even more entire paragraphs of explinations that made me stop and wonder if it was even important or what it had to do with the story at all. The story had some awesome elements; I was excited and interested in reading more, but the formatting was like eating a juicy burger that is a foot tall - it would taste good if I knocked it over and cut it up, and I can't even tell if it's worth it because I know I can find an easier burger that'll taste just as good and take none of the effort to enjoy.
Good luck and maybe if you ever rewrite this I'll be back to tell you how amazing it is!
PS: get a beta! They can help with many of these problems and can help with the occasional spelling mistake I saw as well.
| guest reader chapter 3 . 3/13
Quite frankly, I really like your story. However, reading it is somewhat difficult and boring. Why? That is easy to answer with two words: itemizations and repetitions.
When ever you introduce a new character you list his/her whole biography, appearance and character trades. In stead of letting the reader know about these new people step by step you have us reading long paragraphs of basically useless information. Now, why is that? Because nobody can remember all of those facts listed on after another of - how many characters did you introduce just in this chapter? I can not seem to remember just how often I read the phrase 'personality wise'... using the search-function... it came up with six.
Personally, I do not want to have to take notes when reading a story. I didn't when I read the 'Silmarillon' or 'A Song of Fire and Ice' and I wont do that now. I'd rather stop reading the story, even if it's a real pity.
Well, now that I've let you know about my frustration with you work - so much, in fact, that some my call my review a flame - I should also let you know how you can do better. First, print your chapters or get a second monitor because you'll need it. What your story needs is space management. You have a very good plot line. However, the way it's written you skip ahead in time by 10 years. Which means, of course, that you need to bridge the gap. Basically, you idea was a good one, if not the correct one. It is the realization that left something to be desired. Let me give you an example of what I would have done by writing a List, each point standing for a chapter (ch)/paragraph (§)/scene - using what you already wrote:
1. Prolog (your first chapter with no real changes)
2. Kurenai's point of view (1§ description of the current mission without mentioning the changes in Konoha, yet)
3. Kurenai's point of view: look wanders over her team mates (1§ each as her view wanders from one to the next - only vital information (physical changes/basic character changes) - Kurenai may have to move around the ship)
4. Kurenai's point of view: finally looking at her charge (1-3§ characteristics that Kurenai knows about her and her past)
5. Kurenai's point of view: Kurenai hears about the enemy ship's - reacts i.e. curses - insert the vital information as to how the two nations started to be at war from Kurenai's point of view and what she knows about
6. scene to the Kiri ships
7. narrator's view: describe the battle (3-?§, insert their new techniques/knowledge here, describe their emotions/hopes/fears as they fight)
8. captures scene
9. scene to the mountain pass describe location and persons in attendance
10. narrator slips into Shiroin Yoruichi: insert the information (?§) you want the reader to know about Kumo at this point in the story, describe the civil war from her point of view, along with the Heavenly Alliance (leave out what you do not want the reader to know yet), stop at her memories of the latest mission
11. Yoruichi is pulled out of these memories by her summon Hina, dialog follows
12. Yoruichi's point of view: Encounter with her fellow shinobi describe shinobi insert necessary knowledge about ANBU structure (masks)
13. Yourichi's point of view: describe the village as she passes through, what does she see, how is it different
14. Meeting with the Raikage - use the dialogued to describe how he looks, behaves/moves how he greets her if you stick with the dialog at least after his reaction "WHAT?")
15. 1§ describing new location: council room and function
16. narrator's point of view/Raikage's point of view give an order of seating arrangements and names with one outstanding physical attribute (could also refer to clothing/a giant sword strapped at the back etc.)
17. Introduce each character/behavioral pattern as they speak up or react to the things said in the meeting - explain some of their reactions by giving background information related to the issue that came up
By know I think you have realized what I am doing. I'm taking what you have written and rearrange it. The reader doesn't need to know all there is only what is relevant for any given situation. Information is the author's biggest weapon and you have to learn how to withhold. Implications and riddles are what make a story so much more interesting.
Finally, I apologize for the numerous spelling mistakes in my review, I was to lazy to look them up.
| Unwanted Empathy chapter 19 . 3/11
| bigfan22 chapter 19 . 2/24
Well damn this fic was AWESOME. I love the length of the chapters, and Naruto's plans were amazing. Not only did he make Kumo stronger, but he also knocked Kohona off its pedestal. The writing for this story is superb, and I love the long action sequences you have put in. Naruto vs the Hokages was an incredible read. Overall this fic has been nothing short of a blast, and I eagerly await the next update cause it looks like Hinata, Temari and Mei are going to be joining Naruto's "little" group. GREAT JOB!
| CynthiaRosenDale chapter 4 . 2/23
This is a very good read, but what bothered me was that they were all scrunched up into big giant essays, it was getting hard to read and make out which sentence I was reading. Also I like the OCs but listing all of them, well I just skipped the part because it was way too long, sometimes I mix them up and they appear somewhere in the story, and I'm like who are they again. It was just too many names to memorize. But overall very good and hope you update soon.
| azz chapter 2 . 2/17
Hello first of all I think you have done a great job in the effort you have clearly put into this story but I found myself skipping through a lot of parts because you go into detail one by one for each character which makes the story boring to read
Good story and concept but too tedious to read
Hope you understand