|Reviews for These Fragile Bodies|
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/1/2013
Wow... The power of what you have written is almost tangible. I am glad that a friend pointed it out to me. I'd have never found it on my own, buried as it is under four years' worth of fluffy Kishigo stories. I'm glad that you wrote it from Masaya's POV. It's so very unique and beautiful. I'm nearly speechless.
| MistressRiruko chapter 1 . 4/7/2012
First of all, I'd like to say this story was very well written. It was tragic,but I found it enjoyable and I don't regret reading this at many people write stories with topics such as these,and it was very me tell you this;you have some work!:D
| Avelyst chapter 1 . 6/17/2011
I found this story while hopping around. And I'm going to be utterly honest: I don't like Masaya. Not just in a 'he's annoying' way, but in a near-despising way.
I WILL say, though, that I actually enjoyed this. It was haunting. And it reached inside me and turned my insides out. Usually, I don't think this sort of a story would interest me. You have a unique style, m'dear. It's not incredibly professional or gorgeous. But it's good, and the synonyms, word twisting, and poetic use of epic proportions made it amazing.
I'm inspired now, knowing that there are actually more decent writers in the TMM section besides myself. We should all team-up and bash the others over the heads with grammar bibles. :D
Anywhooo! Good job.
Btw: I officially declare that the hater who reviewed on here deserves an autographed grammar bible from you. It's just not okay. If you don't like someone's work, don't touch the review section. It's sacred land for those who worship the noble bringers of good literature. :D
| Victoria Pendragon chapter 1 . 10/23/2010
This reminded me of Saikano. Really weird, but in a good way.
| patri-300 chapter 1 . 7/26/2010
wow...well that was tragic 0.o never saw this show that way, it was a nicely done though
| Tomoyo Kinomoto chapter 1 . 9/24/2009
Wow, this certainly blew me away!
I like how you started the fiction at the beginning of the manga, since it gives the AU a solid base - something the readers know. Except, instead of the beginning of the adventure, it's the beginning of the end.
This is really well written, with no grammatical or mechanical errors that I could find. There are no loose ends, and your writing is very intense, and realistic. It was a good choice to write this as first person instead of third. It added to the intensity, making it seem as if the events were actually taking place. Although, I have to admit that Cherrie picked up on more of the irony than I did! . Ah well, I noticed it the finer points the second time around, and they were much appreciated.
Alright, now for the creativity critique. Your overall theme was not exceptionally creative, being the literal end of the world, but your means at arriving there were very different. You had the personal end of the world, with Ichigo realizing she was inhuman, Masaya's dreams turning on him by coming true, and with Ichigo eventually killing the one thing that gives her something to live for. You force the reader to wonder how much can be sacrificed in the name of defeating evil, and what if even then it's not enough? I think that this fiction is more morally deep than creative, but still is outside the box.
| Kitty Kat K.O chapter 1 . 9/19/2009
Yes, lazy judge is finally getting around to actually judging. Sorry about the wait. "
OK, so honestly, I wasn't really sure what to expect when it came to the content and plot of the entries, but I think you've done a really good job with this. The first part, when the giant lizard was attacking, sort of reminded me of Cloverfield (I'm not sure whether or not you've seen that movie?), so the atmosphere and tension were quite easy to grasp because of that. Also, the fact that you've started it off the same way as the manga, and then taken it on it's own tangent was very creative.
I like the way you've progressed the story - especially because you had to write something with this theme in only 5,0 words - although, the flow was a little jumpy at the start, and took me a while to get my head round. But once I sunk into it, it was easy to follow.
I don't really need to say anything on spelling and grammar other than they were flawless, as usual. Your vocabulary and characterization were excellent; I really love how you twisted Ichigo to be inhuman and the way you portrayed this through her words. And I have to admit, this is my first time reading something in Masaya's POV, but I actually enjoyed it - especially where you have the stuttering in the narrative. I found that added to the story, and made it seem more realistic and his character more appealing.
All in all, a very strong contender in the competition.
| Immortal x Snow chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
See? I'm being a good girl and catching up on reviews! X3
I now have official proof that I'm only going to get second (at best, taking Cherrie's fic into consideration) to you. The ending really hit me; the whole neck-snapping was just awesomely twisted, like the whole fic itself. I actually have goosebumps.
Masaya's PoV was so beautifully written. It's rare to read something from his eyes, and, Veda, you just... You pulled it off so flawlessly. I'm still dazed from your descriptions, your vocabulary, your PLOT. Just... Wow. I honestly have no chance against you.
I would wish you good luck, but you most definitely do not need it.
Immortal x Snow
| Chiiharu chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
So, like, XD what the hell, man! I don't think I'd even ENTER the contest if I would have read this. You just couldn't take it easy on me, could you? XD You had to pull out all the stops and foil my plans! XD I can't compete with this! And I'll cry if you beat me. XD Seriously. I failed hella tests because of this competition! 100%'s WERE LOST, DAMN IT! TT_TT Before I stop bitching and get to the actual fic, though: XD Why does my opinion matter so much? I mean, obviously, this contest was in your field. Doom and gloom, go figure. XD I'm not better than you in it. XD
I think this might have made me twitch a bit with sadness. XD Man, I usually don't get affected as much by these types of things, but man, I think it was the first person that actually did it. Though I'm wondering why you didn't do Ichigo's PoV. XD While Masaya is pretty damn impressive, could you imagine how much darker it would have been if you DID? XD But then I remember that you don't like Ichigo that much, and if writing someone you don't like in first person is tedious to you, I feel your pain, because it is for me. A lot. XD
Remember that world I was asking Zeph to define? XD That word that means that when a tragedy happens, the reader feels both sadness and fear because the hero failed at saving the world or something, thus pointing out the limitations us humans have? Yeah, it was very strong here. XD You like your time skips, don't you? Time moved, and then it just... didn't move. XD It was like the perfect time thingy. My ego's STILL saying I've got this in the bag here, but I'm typing with my brain, and it's sayin' I've got no chance in hell. XD But I wanna beat you so bad! XD
It'd be like bragging rights! XD And I refuse to say more because it would totally ruin our rivalry. XD;;
We will see! XD
| ThatOneMewFan chapter 1 . 9/1/2009
It's quite beuatiful really
Although present tense confuses my fragile mind...
| Cherrie S chapter 1 . 8/30/2009
*rubs hands together, having finished reading*
Right. I finally got to this entry
Gotta say, sak. You're amazing. Your work is mindblowing - breathtaking. How anyone else even thinks they have a chance at standing against you in this competition, I have no idea. The way you work words and twist them to evoke emotion, and the vivid imagery you paint for your readers...
Well, we can't all be epically brilliant like you. Otherwise... we'd all be epically brilliant like you, and then you'd have to actually work to be better than yourself. LOL.
Masaya was a very clever voice to use in this scenario. Especially considering in the original he was the instigator (basically) for the trouble. That sneaky reference there, about his dislike for the human race, was very appropriate, too. It was like you were quietly referencing the anime/manga itself, but keeping it entirely original
He was slightly OOC though. So was Ichigo, when I think about it. They were IC according to your perceptions of them in their origianl characters, which is according to your take on the original series. So they were, in a sense, perfectly in-sakuuya-character. But Ichigo was very mature. And Aoyama, despite having little personality in the manga/anime, seemed slightly off.
But by slightly I mean SLIGHTLY. He was extremely well-written, and I doubt anyone else could even attempt to pull him off with anywhere near the success you had. I know for a fact that I'd fail epically if I attempted Aoyama. So serious props for kicking him AGAIN.
Um... your plot. Win. It worked well. I liked that you didn't even need to give a detailed explanation of what was going on; you gave us enough scope to grasp the catastrophe whilst still centring the story on personal emotions and - oddly, for you - romance. (You can try to dispute that as much as you want, sak. This is a romance/tragedy story, and there's no denying it XD I love how the only way you can write romance epically is if it's in a killer darkfic with a tragic ending XD)
I liked the changes in time; how you made it pass so smoothly. Each of your paragraphs was adequate and contained enough to keep the reader intrigued and interested. I liked how you portrayed Ichigo through Aoyama's eyes. I liked that she was the only Mew mentioned, and that it absolutely did not even matter XD I really liked how they were the only two character needed in this fic. I liked how she seemed inhuman and deformed to him, and how, by the end of it, she was basically as ethereal as the monsters she was fighting. The slow twisting of Ichigo as a being was really, really well done.
But my absolutel favourite part?
Cruel irony. Oh man, you employed it EPICALLY well. Aoyama's desire for nature to reclaim the Earth subtly being granted when he felt hopeless and dismayed that life was ending for the human race was really the cherry on this cupcake. I loved it. It was brilliant. And it was just one little sentence. I wonder how many other people picked up on that. That he'd been fantasising about vines breaking through the earth, and then when Tokyo was under curfew and the streets were abandoned the weeds broke through the cracked pavement.
Was that a deliberate irony there, too, may I ask? The fact that it was WEEDS, not native plants or impressive vines creeping up through the cement... I thought that was awesome It's like, this was what he always wanted, but it's so indicative that his dream's soured; they're dirty, decaying weeds, not thriving green tendrils XD
Anyway. I loved the cruel irony. Who DOESN'T love cruel irony? :]
Oh, dude. What was with the vengeful anonymous review? Who'd you tick off this time? XD
And, finally, in response to your review: You will never know whether the vividness of the game was indicative of what constituted reality. You'll just have to decide for yourself what reality was in Game Over XD Where's the fun in spoiling everything? I'll just let it do your head in for a while
Ooh, and I liked that you made yours realistic (like I aimed to) by including actual details in the history of Japan; ie, America's banning of Japanese military recruitment. I can't believe how few people have used that in their fics. It seemed to be such a basic starting point, to me! o_o
Anyhow. I think I've written a long enough review. Sorry I CBF signing in for you XD
Eh. You'll win XD XD XD
| vleroy728 chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
I'm NOT Mat, I support Mat. You idiot have no right to fight with Mat he's awesome! You are a imbecile, a loser and a terrible writer! Mat rocks! He's a REAL writer and his self inserts are cool! You're stories SUCK! Leave Mat alone!
And Mat told me you can't report me because this is an anonimus review and I am safe leaving this kind of reviews!
Go to hell.
| Perpetual Concern chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
Honestly, that pretty much sums it up. It's been awhile since I've read your fics, and I'd forgotten just how creepy they can be. XD
Nice. Just, creepy. XD
It was interesting to have it from Masaya's POV. I don't know if I've ever read a fic with that in it.
Definitely a really interesting read!
| Sionna Dehr chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
Wow, I'm...speechless. It was so sad and well written. I'm crying right now, so I'm not that coherent. Um... You write with a lot of emotion and I say, keep it up. You're a good author and will most definitely publish something in the near future. Poor Ichigo, it's so sad.
| LunaStik chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
Whoa sak, I see you're up to your normally dark stuff. I never imagined you would so easily twist Ichigo into a semi-nightmare.
Pretty well-written (as usual), and I'm happy to say mine does not have the same ideas as you.
You really creep me out sometimes in your writing.