|Reviews for Of Cereal and Arguments|
| Kendra PJO chapter 1 . 3/19
Pronoun-antecedent agreement! "One does not want to smell like dead things when they come for cereal." 'One' is singular, 'they' is plural. If it was dialogue, I would excuse you, but it's his thoughts. Either change "they" to "he or she", or if that's a bit awkward (I hate using he-or-she in my writing, it doesn't sound right even though it is) change "one" to "I''.
Otherwise, great job. Your Demeter-Persephone argument was very IC- I like how Persephone was unintentionally on Nico's side:)
| p3paula chapter 1 . 3/8/2011
a lot of arguments.. and i agree..
although i sense a huamn emotion from hades.. too bad for his situation...
nevertheless... a nice fic for what had happened in the underworld.. XD
| TheBroadwayBabyofHufflepuff chapter 1 . 9/18/2010
| Karma's Inferno chapter 1 . 8/8/2010
I liked it. You write the "dysfuntional family" well. Very pleased. Very impressed.
| Kay Celestine chapter 1 . 5/8/2010
I really liked this Kal!
Great job :))
I especially loved the last line
| JessieRedbird chapter 1 . 4/18/2010
Well, I think your previous reviewers said it all but this was very good. Funny, IC (though, I have to say Persephone was a bit too informal at times... maybe that's just me) and creative. Demeter was portrayed exceptionally well. Kudos to you Kal, and erm... I can't think of anything else to say... but it was awesome.
Thanks for writing this,
| Rien Que Moi chapter 1 . 4/11/2010
I always wondered what Nico was doing in the Underworld...
Excellent story, very well written.
| SisterOfAnElvenWannabe chapter 1 . 3/16/2010
lol love it
| Limnetic chapter 1 . 3/10/2010
This is really well written. Even though I would have LOVED it to be longer, because you're very talented, I know there's only so much you can do with a moment like this. I'd be afraid of ruining the story had I written any more. You spaced it out perfectly, your grammar/puntuation/spelling it great. I can't really say anything more.
However, there was one thing near the end I was kind of torn between: 'They had also knocked over several bowls, which had shattered on the cold marble floors, with their Olympian anatomies.' I wasn't really sure if you needed a comma after floors, but it's your story, your call. xD
| TheEvilSmileyFace chapter 1 . 3/5/2010
| FireChildSlytherin5 chapter 1 . 3/4/2010
| Editor Called Antrevine chapter 1 . 2/13/2010
Clever. Different and new. Only a few things to change.
1) I think Persephone would call Demeter mother, not mom.
2) I heard a pang of sa
dness in his voice, like he didn’t quite want to be alienated from his family.
I wouldn't break the page right there. I would keep saddness one word.
That is it! It was a very interesting idea!
| ariex chapter 1 . 11/21/2009
This story made me laugh. In the middle of a war, they're arguing about breakfast. I especially like the last line. You did a great job with characterization, especially Demeter and Persephone; I can picture them acting like that. Great story!
| electric gurrl chapter 1 . 11/20/2009
This is funny in a seroius way. I like the relationship between Persephone and Demeter. It seems a lot like them. Anyway, nice story.
| Nyx Nox chapter 1 . 10/21/2009
That was really good!