|Reviews for Passing By|
| Fireminer chapter 1 . 5/30/2014
Could had been worse!
| Talon Silverwolf chapter 1 . 3/15/2010
I snuck into the all ratings and stumbled across this. That's my excuse.
I wish this fic would be a little longer. Story-wise (I'm technical sometimes when it comes to writing, so here's the mean part.) Okay, each scene of a story has a conflict and I don't see one here. There were some grammar errors that was a bit distracting. I thought the semi-colon was a bit abused here and a period could be in place of that instead.
And I don't see why this would be under M. There's nothing threatening about the last part. You could always put it on T.
| Zeronova chapter 1 . 1/25/2010
This was quite a mature piece. Well done! Onto the real meat, though.
A few issues of verb tense. We've gone over before how English is your second language, but that's not an excuse-especially when you command the language as well as you do! You're a great writer, so it hurts to see those little typos. I know the central temporality of the story is Dizzy in the house at night, but we jump back and forth in memory and to reference of other times, which constantly makes us question the current tense. It can be confusing, but luckily, it isn't too bad. You were going for a sort of...amorphous feeling, an over-arching element of what thinks are like without a definite scene.
As for the story...I kinda think you shouldn't be writing fan fiction. Don't get me wrong, it's good, but there's a very palpable depth of emotion and reality here that might be suitable (and profitable!) were you to attempt true fiction writing. The emotions shown here are a mix of standard fare fanfiction childishness with desire and looking at a sleeping lover, but then there's a subtle subtext of actual longing and emotionality. Basically, the way in which you can make sex both an act of love, of pleasure, and of real unimportance says that you understand it more than many other writers.
I like the way you write, Danceljoy. I feel you've got a good grip on what writing is all about.
| Scrabbleton chapter 1 . 10/21/2009
Dizzy and Ky. Ky and Dizzy.
I've never gotten over their tragic pairing and this Fan-Fiction furthers it more. The way you weaved the words together like you did, to explain such events, was rather well thought out and expertly typed.
I also liked the way you protrayed their mature love without it going to a completely vulgar scene of sex, destroying what honor I hold for the pairing. You controlled it underneath your fingers and let it blossom slowly. You actually showed love was... well, love!
Things like this need to be seen more around
Ciao. _-Xouls Rainez-_
| layniebleargh chapter 1 . 9/12/2009
As promised, here is the pending review:
Nice story, quite good for a first M fic, and tasteful.
There are a few grammatical errors, though, and a need for more consistency of tense.
You seem to be the type who will thrive in innuendoes and suggested "scenes" for M-fics; you may continue the good job there.
By the way, I love some of your lines. Guess which. ;)
| sunnyday chapter 1 . 8/22/2009
A lovey short story. I love it how you write it down. So romantic )
| GottvonHoff chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
The more I read your KyxDizzy fics, the more I feel sorry for these two, and their "forbidden" love. They're pretty much meant for each other, but the many circumstances given to them just go to show that their relationship is just "wrong" in many points of view.
I can see that your writing style has improved tenfold. Good work, and looking forward for more!
| Varen chapter 1 . 8/18/2009
Hello again! I'm glad to see you writing as ever. It's short and sweet. It lacks a little detail toward the end, but I'm considering it the point so our own minds wonder on what happened in the sex.
| NeoCriMs0n chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
THIS is SO Sweet, Dancel!
You certainly captured the sweet scenes between Ky and Dizzy, perfectly!
I'll never get tired of reading your Fanfics!
And I will never get tired of KyXDizzy!
Hope to see more, soon!
I'm hungry for more KyXDizzy!