Reviews for Aftermath and life thereof
Glitter Poisoned My Blood chapter 1 . 8/21/2009
With her memories, she’d choose him, without her memories she’d still choose him. She's fallen in love with him twice over, and he still asks her if she's okay. All she did was smile, ‘he loves me so much doesn’t he’ she thought. “I’m fine, onii-sama”. He smiled, “I'm glad, and your body seems to have converted quite nicely.” Her face flushed at the comment “a-ano… arigato onii-sama.” She said, self consciously pulling up the sheets tighter around her chest. “You’re so cute Yuuki” he said softly as he walked over to the bed and sat next to her. Reaching one hand up, he brushed away a strand of hair tucking it behind her ear. Her heart raced as he leaned “and would my princess be hungry?”

Remember to seperate the characters speaking like thus:

With her memories, she’d choose him, without her memories she’d still choose him. She's fallen in love with him twice over, and he still asks her if she's okay. All she did was smile, ‘he loves me so much doesn’t he’ she thought.

“I’m fine, onii-sama”.

He smiled, “I'm glad, and your body seems to have converted quite nicely.” Her face flushed at the comment.

“a-ano… arigato onii-sama.” She said, self consciously pulling up the sheets tighter around her chest.

“You’re so cute Yuuki” he said softly as he walked over to the bed and sat next to her. Reaching one hand up, he brushed away a strand of hair tucking it behind her ear. Her heart raced as he leaned “and would my princess be hungry?”

Grammar! When you use 'said' you have to use a comma, not a period! Don't forget punctuation and capitalization!

With her memories, she’d choose him, without her memories she’d still choose him. She's fallen in love with him twice over, and he still asks her if she's okay. All she did was smile, ‘He loves me so much doesn’t he?’ she thought.

“I’m fine, onii-sama.”

He smiled, “I'm glad, and your body seems to have converted quite nicely.” Her face flushed at the comment.

“a-ano… arigato onii-sama,” She said, self consciously pulling up the sheets tighter around her chest.

“You’re so cute Yuuki,” he said softly as he walked over to the bed and sat next to her. Reaching one hand up, he brushed away a strand of hair tucking it behind her ear. Her heart raced as he leaned “And would my princess be hungry?”

Lastly, most people ditch this, but the only thing that should be in Japanese are the things that ABSOLUTELY must be. It really annoys the shit out of people when they can't understand anything. BE CAREFUL. If you can fix these, you'd have a pretty nice story, Kaname's daring, and Yuuki's cute. - A

If you need a Beta, you should find one. Its best when the story is in top shape! - V

A and V
Luna BlueMoon chapter 4 . 8/20/2009
Bloody good story so far! I love how you made kaname so playful and yet sexy at the same time. XD I love what you did to yuuki! Innocent and yet seductive at the same time! A job well done!
RayvynSky chapter 4 . 8/19/2009
Hawt!

I like the lemon, it's definitely nice to see some hot Y/K action.

I told a bunch of my friends about your fic too - and when you put the newest one up, and I update my VK fics I'll mention you in the A/N.

You need more reviews!

Hearts and Hugs,

RS
TheEmptyArchive chapter 4 . 8/19/2009
I'm friends with Ravyn Skye, and I've read all her fics, I even co-authored some with her, and this has parts from her fic "TLYB Claimed" in it, simply paraphrased.

It starts at this paragraph and goes on for a few: "“Slow and drag the pain out less or fast and make it hurt all at once?”". It's paraphrased, and I noticed you reviewed that chapter and you posted this a day later.

Ravyn is fine with people using things from her work, but for gods sake at least credit her.
RayvynSky chapter 3 . 8/19/2009
Lol... This is more than 'ecchi'... This is positively HENTAI! (And I wouldn't have it any other way!)

I love a good lemon!

Kaname is a naughty little boy... Teasing Yuuki like that!

Once again, great chappie, and now (since I don't have the patience for a long review because I want to get to the rest of the lemon), I'm off to read the last (*sobs dramatically that it is the last chap*) chapter!

Hearts and Hugs,

RS
RayvynSky chapter 2 . 8/19/2009
Oh... You really go with the whole 'beasts' thing, eh?

I LOVE IT!

Yuuki kneading her hands against him out of instinct is actually something I was planning to use in a future story for Inufandom... I guess you beat me to it! Great minds think alike, eh?

This is SO hawt, and I'm all excited to read more. Kaname is hawtness, and Yuuki being so cute, yet so... um... well, shall we say 'wanton' is just adorable. She's like a five year old vampire, but with a the hormones of a fifteen year old girl! It's a naughty, NAUGHTY combination!

Hearts and Hugs,

RS
RayvynSky chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
Amazing!

Why doesn't this have more reviews?

So, by now I'm sure you've figured out that I have a particular attraction to (Read as: Fetish for) the phrase 'good girl'... LOL. XDD~ The end of this was particularly hot for me.

On to the next chapter!

Hearts and HUGE HUGS,

RS
alyzzahp chapter 4 . 8/19/2009
Aiya~! lovely lemons~! x3 Loove it~! XD

Hot hot! O/

Kaname and the Nightclass was funny xD

Oh and the blood foreplay at their class room in the middle of the whole class was a major PDA~! XD they do that too these days in the manga XD

And the first time was soo good too~! x3

Kudos! very lovely~! _/
Loco987 chapter 4 . 8/18/2009
please please update soon!
stabpinmonkey chapter 2 . 8/17/2009
I love this story! It's so awesome! Any Zero I wonder? to make it more drama and angst! lol update soon! _
Marie Meyers chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
more
Nanashiseika chapter 1 . 8/17/2009
HAHAHA good job to me ! XP
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