|Reviews for Raise Your Hand|
| SeverusPotterSnape chapter 12 . 7/4/2010
really good! U should do more! check out my stories!
| Fear Herself chapter 12 . 12/14/2009
Aw, what a sweet ending.
I'm gonna miss this story!
Fantastic first multi-chapter fic, I look forward to reading more ;).
| Fear Herself chapter 11 . 12/14/2009
Woo! Massive chapter with a happy ending!
Loved the Jedi joke. XD
| HuckingHarkness chapter 12 . 12/14/2009
Ultimately this was good. There's just a few things that were bugging me, and I know this is finished now, and I'm sorry I missed it while you were writing it but I thought I'd give you the con-crit anyway. Up to you (feel free to ignore me...)
Firstly the order of words in sentences following speech was a little weird. E.g. "deadpanned Ianto"- Ianto deadpanned. I would write "said Ianto through his Com" as: Ianto said through his com. Subject (Ianto) then object (com.)This one really bugged me throughout!
Aside from that -Stop appoligising 'if this is OOC' because you've got a good grasp of the characterization & if there were any 'screamers' we'd let you know. It's not OOC, it's your writing style with pre-concieved characters in different situations- not everyone sees a character the same way & everyone will write them differently. I'm a stickler for Jack being 'special' 'cause he's from the 51st century- but some people have him able to grow a beard! lol So yeah, don't appologise for the way you write your characters. :)
Finally I'd love a little more on the characters themselves- their thoughts & feelings more than their actions- though this is just a personal preference- you do have mentions on what they're feeling.
Okay, now I really am wrapping this up (you got 1 long review, instead of a few short one's since I can't review off my mobile.) I LOVED the beginning- where you flipped between each of the characters? Brilliant! lol They should do more of this on the show, simultaneous action really works for the build-up!
Nice one! Keep up the writing... & I hope I haven't intimidated you with so much writing, but you deserve it after a really good multi-chappie!
Carrie ; )
| bbmcowgirl chapter 12 . 12/13/2009
Great story and I loved the ending. Hope you do more multi chapter Janto stories (all with happy ends).
| Halfreck3929 chapter 12 . 12/12/2009
aw they're all domestic-y and you would put in the founder of coffee
lol to the ending even though i had to read it like 5 times to get it!
good job on your first story! can't wait for the CULTURALLY CORRECT a whole new world :D
| Halfreck3929 chapter 11 . 12/12/2009
ew there are mice? are there mice at our school? omg there better not be ill flip out! hahaha yeah and im a jedi knight lol im using that from now on. i loved the ending!
| Halfreck3929 chapter 10 . 12/12/2009
hahahaha yes we did and ah tosh!
| Village-Mystic chapter 12 . 12/12/2009
So some nice characterization overall, okay science fiction, and you need work on your descriptive narrative and five senses details.
| Village-Mystic chapter 11 . 12/12/2009
Hard to follow what was going on or the logic of it once they entered the school.
| jimmy-barnes-13 chapter 12 . 12/12/2009
This was a great story, lovely ending too :)
| Village-Mystic chapter 5 . 12/12/2009
Jack undressed him, bought clothes and dressed him ... in no particular order and then just left him at home alone?
| Village-Mystic chapter 4 . 12/12/2009
Not sure if I see Jack doing that without consent. I know he likes to toss things for Ianto to catch, but...
| Village-Mystic chapter 3 . 12/12/2009
Ah, I had a feeling that some de-aging or perception filter might be involved, based on your title. I like how you have Jack who has been said to have latent psychic ability (i.e. can interact with active pyschic stuff but can't activate or send on his own), sensibly keeping away from the object.
| tempestuous-rayne chapter 12 . 12/12/2009
I adore that Ianto and Avalon kept in touch.