|Reviews for STAR FOX: The Mad Descent of Leon Powalski|
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/2/2012
Your writing style is great (definitely good enough to make it necessary to read a few sentences another time at least for a non-native speaker as I am (but I dont need to when it comes to most other fanfics)) The wording seems well considered and it reads very fluently though its not easy to read(but thats a good thing).
I quite liked the characterization too even though the conversations were a bit too formal for my liking (but thats merely personal opinion and I have to admit that it actually goes well with your characterization of Leon and Wolf). There isnt really a lot of plot but the little that is there is well done. However, to me it rather seems to be the beginning of a story and not an actual story.
It would be great if the story was continued but as you wrote this years ago this seems to be rather unlikely to happen. Anyway good stories and good authors are rare and therefore itd be wonderful if you continued writhing either this or another story.
| Sheila J chapter 1 . 1/16/2011
Good plot, tough youd need to add a few chapters to make it a reall conection between StarFox64 and Assault. The chapter on its own doesnt sugest much. Basically I like the way you view Leon and the others. However, I dont quite get the thing with the sir. Why call him sir? Well, I have never read this anywhere but in your story, or maybe I just forgott about it. At least I know that Leon doesnt call Wolf like that in Command and Ive never seen it in Ausault eighter. What I really liked was your prologue- or whatsoever it may be- tough I dont quite get the connection to the other part of the story. Anyway I figured your story actually is just the beginning of a story and would fancy reading an installment as Leon is the most fascinating character in the StarFox games -in a way. Well its true for most the characters, but there is not much known about his past eighter. Id also like reading a good story about this topic somewhere. However, there is little to be found about him.
| The Red Spade chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
I must say, I really enjoyed the beginning of this adventure. You ingeniously set up an introduction that is simply thrilling and very attention grabbing (in reference to 'Titania'). You easily keep the attention by creating the mystery and tension of Star Wolf's newest mission and by Leon's clear and unwavering hatred for Pigma.
I am really impressed by your writing. It's intensely descriptive, without becoming boring. I only have a two complaints/ criticisms...
Perhaps it's because I don't have a good background on the characters, but does Leon hate Oikonny just as much as Pigma, or simply see him as an annoyance? Right now, I feel like Leon hates Pigma and bothered by Oikonny.
It was too short! You had a beautiful blend of short and long sentences, word choice was excellent, and dialogue was not overwhelming. I can clearly see where you choose to end it and why it works so perfectly, but I need more!
Please! Write the next chapter!
| Rachel chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
Well I don't know much of anything about Star Fox, but I must say that I do really like the beginning of your story! I love the references to bones and I'm curious to see the further development of that theme.. It's very dark and atmospheric and your word choice is AWESOME. I also really like the split introduction through the eyes of a victim. Okay, that's my pathetic attempt at looking at the writing as a whole, and now onto that which I'm actually useful for!
This sentence really doesn't make much sense to me: Half a sandwich smashed into the cavern, gaping chewing allowed spit and chunks of soggy bread to spew from the mouth like a geyser.
And I found spelling/grammar errors in the following segments:
Disgustingly fat Pigma Dengar beelined for the fridge and *pull* out five sandwiches to “snack on,”
Without any further ado Wolf got up and left, clipping his beloved handheld computer next *to?* his blaster on his belt.
their sleek bodies *narrowing* to numerous sharp spikes and their red paintjobs *gave* them an aggressive, war-like appearance. -change mid sentence from -ing ending to past tense
“Obviously someone not wanting to be found,” Leon supplied *drily.*
Long after all his *secretes* had been peeled away like strips of skin
Also, I'm finding it a tad bit difficult to visualize the characters, especially Dengard and Oikonny, perhaps only because I'm not familiar with the games. But I think some more physical description might be good.
Hope my review was helpful,
I'm excited for the next chapter! :D
| VENOMDARK wow chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
im in amazement at how this story is!
that is all i can say...
| Swiper. No swiping chapter 1 . 8/20/2009
This will obviously be good.
| Shadow Commando chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
Pretty cool, keep it goin, dewd. :)
| Miss Mavis chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
this was awesome, i cant wait for the next chapter. your writing style is brilliant
| Fraye chapter 1 . 8/19/2009
Normally I don't really enjoy Star Wolf themed stories, but I really, and I mean really, enjoyed this. It's written incredibly well and you kept the characters like you think they'd be. I'll be watching you. :P