|Reviews for Always togther|
| dwatlaskrhtcm chapter 1 . 4/24/2011
That Was A Really Good Starting Chapter , Well Done And Thanks .
| Jak Moriarty chapter 1 . 8/21/2009
Really good start, but I don’t mean to be a spelling freak but you've spelt you title wrong - I think you were surpossed to put ‘Always Together’. And there are random numbers in middle of words. It’s a really good opening; I just thought I’ll let you know.
| IndeMaat chapter 1 . 8/21/2009
I don't like the prologue. It tells me a lot, but mainly that I'm probably not going to like this story, because it is going to have two superspecial characters in it. I read on, and then things became more interesting very quickly.
The prologue is a bit of a weak opener. Open a story with a bang. I would suggest: scratch everything and start with Cassi waking up in the holding cell. Let the story continue from there, and weave in the information that was in the prologue.
By the way, Cassi is an empath, not an empathy or an empathic. Which generally doesn't mean she can hear or read thoughts. It means she can pick up on feelings. So, she could pick up on Amber's feelings about a conversation, but not hear the actual conversation.
Some technical notes:
- write out numbers. Don't say, it was great the first 2 days. Say, it was great the first two days.
- there are numbers in the middle of words. I don't know what they're doing there, but they should be there.
- some spelling errors (minuet for minute, ok for Okay, though for through). It's a good idea to read through a story a few days after it was written, or ask someone else to read it. A fresh look can catch more typos.
- "I turned once more to our prisoners" quite a reversal of fortune there, seen as Cassi and Amber are inside the cell. General rule: prisoners go into the cell, captors and guards stay out of it.
I think I'll read on.