|Reviews for Return of Ramat|
| Sworn Sword chapter 1 . 4/24/2010
As a first story, as you pointed out in your PM, this is a good story. I am intrigued to see how that characters develop, and how you develop the cursory characters that you mention in this chapter without actually including them yet, such as Faeloswien. One critique I did have, and it is a common stylistic issue with new writers is to pick one perspective and stick with it. In this chapter you vary between first and third person perspective and voice. The reader appreciates knowing Graic's thoughts as he converses with himself - "Graic the Watcher was not the honor name I was hoping for" - first person, however we also like to play the omnipresent observer to look at the scene from our own perspective so we do not miss things that go on outside the main character's focus, such as subtle or conspiratorial look between comrades that do not include the main character. However, the change in voice from "I" did something to "Graic" did something (Graic Understood why this happened) is distracting. So pick a voice (1st or 3rd person) and stick with it throughout all of the story. With that one constructive criticism out of the way I commend your efforts and look forward to reading more of your work in the subsequent chapters.
| jackpot7374 chapter 1 . 8/24/2009
Cool dude. I'm feelin it.