|Reviews for My Lady Commandant|
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/28
Really hoping that this story will be continued
| Guest chapter 5 . 11/23/2014
Looking forward to the next chapter
| Taeniaea chapter 5 . 7/26/2013
very cool story
| Furionknight chapter 5 . 12/16/2012
I look forward to more :)
| matthew22381 chapter 5 . 11/30/2011
This story is SO AWESOME updates happen... when?
| PRAETORIUM chapter 5 . 6/7/2011
really intresting story, cant wait to read more.
| PIWN chapter 4 . 12/2/2010
Nice story. I hope it's not abandoned.
| Rosabell chapter 4 . 7/22/2010
Update? :P I like this pairing!
| FuryouMiko chapter 4 . 7/10/2010
This story's fun, and Anna's really cute. Hope you find time to continue it.
| Aoirann chapter 4 . 2/16/2010
Please tell me you will have Bao-Dur show up. He could easily be with Tali. Two of the Best Mechanics in all of existence working together.
| Dusel chapter 4 . 1/22/2010
It's a nice story, you sometimes write conversations in paragraphs and avoid them entirely like when Anna was in front of the council, my advice is to try and avoid that habit. Otherwise it's an interesting story, different and has my favorite Jedi in it - The Exile of course.
One last thing, I know that this is more like nagging but can you tone down the bashing? I know that a lot of people on use bashing to express their distaste about characters and events in cannon, but in my opinion it makes for an unpleasant read.
| Ashitaba82 chapter 4 . 1/21/2010
One word. Awsome! Totally love it. Been a long time since i played KOTOR and as of right now I'm playing Mass Effect. I truly like that you have incorporated the two worlds and make them fit together (Thank God for Bioware and their ability to blend som Stars Wars elements into a great RPG). Joker is a truly lovable character and I wished that he played a bigger part in ME, hope there will be a lot more of him in ME2 :)
Keep up the work! Can't wait for the continuation... Biting on my nails for the future
| Vshard chapter 1 . 9/4/2009
Alright, here's a full review of this chapter. As the reviewer before me already mentioned, your sentences and paragraphs often run long and should be cut up a bit for easy reading. Try to contain fewer ideas at once. This concept basically summarizes your whole flow - there is too much put together too quickly.
As a reader, I find myself flicking back and forth between too many concepts with none of them really elaborated on. I totally missed the connection in the transfer from SW to ME and was left with a whole lot of questions about how we got there. You need to find a way to focus.
It's frustrating for me because you have so many brilliant insights in your story and you show us wonderful new takes, but only just in glimpses. I guess this is what I can give for advice - try to see it in your head as a movie and write it slower, as you see it. Try to find the central theme of each paragraph either by writing the para the attempting to sum it up with one concept (as in 'this is about this' rather than 'this is about this, this... oh and that') or by planning the idea before you write the para. It's not a set in stone rule of course, but I find it helps. There's a similar thought you can use with sentences, but sort of try to read it out loud to yourself to see how it sounds. If you find yourself a bit breathless at the end - you might want to cut it up.
Now, this is before I've read the second chapter so I'm anxious to see how you've advanced and what happens with our Alliance soldier hehe. Please don't take this critique to hard to heart. You've truly got some wonderful ideas here and I guess my biggest problem is that as I'm reading I can see how quickly those ideas churn out of your head. I don't go that fast - I need a breather :)
Best of luck in the future of this.
| Mister Buch chapter 1 . 9/2/2009
I like that ending - an Exile/Joker romance maybe?
This was pretty good. It's hard to explain a KotOR/Mass Effect crossover but I think you managed it pretty well. I like the way you smoothly joined the two together using memories of the Kavarr thing to tie them.
The structure of the chapter is good, the title is great, and I like how you get deep into the thoughts and memories of your characters. Your account of Anna's leaving the Jedi was moving and the part at Malachor V was great too. I like the creepiness of her realising that Revan had fallen.
I always put criticisms into reviews. I think often your sentences and paragraphs are too long and could be broken up into smaller, more direct ones. I'm not sure about Exile and Kavarr having kissed either - it doesn't seem in his nature - but I like how you used it.
This bit was a really nice touch-
"The Shadow Mass Field Generator or whatever the wretched thing was called..."