|Reviews for Brothers of Honor: Chapter One|
| Lioness Of the fire chapter 1 . 10/8/2009
hi i loved how your story going so far oo i hope you keep going also i noctice how your other chaps are put has seperate stories i hope you know you can add chapter to this sotry and that you dont need to keep uploading then has new ones
| OrionTheHunter chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
Interesting start. I look forward to seeing where it goes.
I do recommend that you work on the mechanics of this a bit. It's standard practice to start a new paragraph every time the speaker changes.
Also, do recall that the rules of FFN require that chapters be posted as such, not as separate stories. (Not going to report you or anything, but please consider fixing this issue asap.)
| RedLovesSnakes chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
wow... i feel like an idiot when i read your stories lol! that was beyond great... it was fantastic!
| Karama9 chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
It's nice to see a normal family life for Snake Eyes. I can't seem to get used to his being called Ian, but that's got nothing to do with you, it's just a creepy coincidence for me!
I like that you have his twin in there, too.
Constructive criticism time: some of the dialogue is hard to read because it's all together in the same paragraph. Your readers might find it easier to read if you get used to switching paragraph each time the speaker changes.
On reviews: tell me about it... I'm at the point I think most people who click on my story do it by mistake.
| Akito Souma chapter 1 . 8/27/2009
Hey, this is pretty good. I like all the detail you've put into it. I'm impressed that you've been working on this for 3 years! That shows amazing devotion. The dialogue in this story is pretty realistic. Besides a few grammar mistakes I didn't notice too much that needed to be improved on.
So I'm guessing this isn't based on the movie (well it can't be, since you've been working on it for so long, I guess. lol)? That you're doing your own version of Snake Eyes's origin? That's cool. Are you going to try and get the book published when you're done?
Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I think you have a good start here. I saw that this story was posted a while ago and thought it was shameful that it hadn't gotten any reviews. All those other lame self-insertion fics are getting like, 20-50 reviews, and they're not even that good, and this one hadn't gotten any and it was actually worth reading. Kind of pathetic. My own story Sacrifice seems to have been skipped over quite a bit too. I guess the summary freaked people out or something.
Keep up the good work. Don't give up on your dream, even if the lack of response is discouraging. I can tell that you have a lot of talent just by reading this small sample of your work. If you keep at it you will go far.