|Reviews for The Weapon Revised!|
| Guest chapter 16 . 4/12
I think the main problem with this fic is that it is too long for story being told and the author isnt getting to the point. The first chapter is about Harry wanting to mature but I am on chapt 15/16 and he is still just as immature as he was at the beginning. What you don't write is just as important as what you do write. I have to be at least 80k words into the story and the plot up to this point could have been told in 10k.
| Ohmy chapter 16 . 4/12
There are some good things about it such as exploring how guilt can really screw up a person and cause them to do harm to themselves while disguising it as for the greater good.
However, there are so many continuity issues in the story facts, timeline, and character motivations that the story turns into gibberish at times.
Your story is certainly better written that 80% of the fics out there but the bar is not set very high in this fandom.
| montanaatheart chapter 12 . 3/15
The my little pony references and Harry's focus on it brings to mind a scene from Schindlers List with a child in a vibrant red coat. Well written visual discription
| Evienancy chapter 47 . 3/8
Amazing! Loved it! Well done x
| Guest chapter 37 . 12/25/2016
I love your portrayal of snape. Truly a man willing to do anything for the war. He was the perfect person to develop with Harry once Harry stopped being able to relate to anyone else.
I don't understand how Voldermort could demand snape lower his shields fully unless plans to kill Snape afterwards. Either Voldermort trusts Snape and he's willing to lose him as a spy to send this message (since he knows an open mind snape can reveal his loyalty) or he doesn't trust Snape and has no reason to assume this will go through or even allow Snape to live.
I also think it's weird that Harry's core thoughts on Voldermort are formed around the time his parents died. Seems like something worth commenting on in the narrative if the scene does make sense.
That said these are just nitpicks from one of the rare chapters where I don't agree with your world building. For the most part this fic is extremely enjoyable. I can't say I liked Harry early on, but his character progressed naturally (or unnaturally) in a believable way and is very fun to read now.
| Schlepian chapter 1 . 10/17/2016
Ok loved how this story started up, the training, the brutality, murders/ war.
Hated the ending.
If this is the cleaned up revises version - I can't imagine how bad the original was.
| Schlepian chapter 37 . 10/16/2016
I.M.G - Other times in this story you abbreviate it as G.M.I - Quite a bad mistake.
In this chapter you imply that Sirius was the Potters Secret keeper. You say Sirius would never have told/betrayed. James would never say that, he knew Peter was the Secret keeper.
Just saying, Snape is a genius is kind of a silly reason for him to know Harry is Thestral.
All that being said- I'm loving this story, Love brutal Harry. Passing ones magical core off as someones else's to slip past wards- impressive idea.
| Schlepian chapter 13 . 10/16/2016
When Harry goes to get the potions from Borgin and Burkes , you have the exact same scene written twice in different chapters.
When you 1st started off with Harry pulling like 20 hour days I was like WTF, that cant be healthy, glad you have shown that it has almost killed him draining his health quite a bit.
| Shadowdog11 chapter 13 . 10/10/2016
And suddenly Snape became essential... you write well, but I feel sometimes the story can't decide what's important and who/what is competent. Crickets from Moody during this? Not a finger pointed or a question had? I'm glad why Harry was supposed to do potions was explained, but his sudden attachment to the idea of Snape needed and the little red head who does nothing for the war efffort decides this with her opinion?
| Shadowdog11 chapter 11 . 10/10/2016
There was smart super dedicated Harry that knew and recognized the signs of overdosing and rode it out... oh wait. /frustration
| Shadowdog11 chapter 10 . 10/10/2016
This character is so back and forth on his abilities and control that it's mind boggling. He's either super mad, but not allowed to show it (?) or he's completely unaware despite his constant vigilance... and how would getting another hour of sleep be a hindrance? This is supposedly a smarter Harry, even if he is obsessed it doesn't mesh with the character. Same with the back-and-forth with Dumbledore and his sudden need for him?
| Shadowdog11 chapter 9 . 10/10/2016
For supposedly having trained in constant vigilance, he's useless. His training and logic is inconsistent with the image he's trying to put forth?
| Shadowdog11 chapter 8 . 10/10/2016
So he's not eating or something and doesn't sleep? Also the dealing with a busted Moody is a bit... off. I'm trying to think of a constructive way to vent, but I think I see why you went with some of his behavior. His incessant need to hide instead of telling people to shove off is stupid... he's equally likely to lose friends so why bother? For someone who is trying to think logically and remove himself fr his emotions he acts in a fairly stupid manner
| Shadowdog11 chapter 7 . 10/10/2016
What is this weird obsession with not attacking Draco back that writers in this genre have? How is taking someone out who assaults you childish?
| Songonthewind chapter 47 . 10/6/2016
I realize it's been a while since you sent this story off into the world, but I'm so glad you did and figure feedback is a positive all the same. I truly enjoyed this as it captures a more mature fantasy version of the story we all love, something I very much wish for more of! I feel like you indeed addressed the inconsistencies of "I'll sacrifice anything," not becoming who you are fighting by basing that off building something and Dumbledores question of what are you fighting for? But to mention the obvious problem of declining order members should they choose to rely on stunning spells. I also believe I understood what you were getting at with Harry's internal battle over what Thestral would do with Lucius and the Malfoys and thought it appropriately addressed. Nothing horrible stood out to me worthy of constructive criticism, but I'll admit to being a bit engrossed in the story. Apologies for having nothing to offer there, though I do recall a couple spelling errors I cannot tell you where i read them. I would go so far as to point out several comments I read on here regarding the matter of war seem to be based mostly on opinions to which I will not needlessly ass mind. Either way, this seems well thought out, I loved Harry's more logical approach, taken without droning on for ages about something mythical, just enough for us to understand the important pieces and where you were headed, but still grasp the awesome ways you grew your character. On that note I also found many difficult to write characters such as Snape, Voldemort and Dumbledore- so many people disappoint me on that front- to be wonderfully captured. I noted that very early on! Well done. I would personally quite enjoy a sequal, though I suppose that ship has sailed. Cheers!