Reviews for The Shortest Distance from A to B
heylalaa chapter 11 . 9/24/2009
wow, i loved this chapter - like another chapter in this story. :)

you made it so.. er.. what's the word? - believable? well, so maybe, just maybe, this event could occur in the game~! well, it's just my stupid oppinion, though.

haha, i liked the scene where souji scold kanji for being so reckless. xD i don't know why, but kanji - and souji, probably - sounds so cool there. and stubborn, of course. x)

waiting for the next update. thanks for the read. ;)
FlameOut chapter 11 . 9/24/2009
Wow, Souji you asshole... promise to train to get there on time at 19th of September, then still didn't get there on 6th October... Seriously.

It is justified to rain righteous fury against him then. Do it Kanji! Do it! And interesting take on the guys trying to run ahead. And the disaster that followed. ) Can't wait to read more.
Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 11 . 9/23/2009
UWE HE HE, NICE CHAPTER, SO WHEN THEY RESCUE NAOTO WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN? ARE YOU GONNA END IT THERE OR CONTINUE THE STORY TO THE END OF THE GAME STORY, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kisdota-The Freak Gamer chapter 10 . 9/21/2009
UWE HE HE, OH I'M LIKING THIS STORY, I'M LIKING THIS STORY A LOT, SUCH A GREAT TALE, AND I'VE REALLY WANTED TO READ A GOOD NAOTO AND KANJI FIC, AND WITH EVERYTHING THAT'S BEEN HAPPENING AND WITH KANJI THINKING SHE WAS A HE ALL THIS TIME I CAN ONLY IMAGINE THE AKWARDNESS THAT WILL HAPPEN, PLEASE DON'T STOP, YAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Shinomiya Kaede chapter 10 . 9/21/2009
Wow, such a great story! I really like the adding.

Another great chapter, and I like the conversation between Naoto and her shadow, and great characterization!

I'm looking forward to your next chap! Keep up the good work! )
Lady Cheshire chapter 10 . 9/21/2009
You've done great here. These interludes with Naoto would be distracting for an author who doesn't have her down to a tee, but of course you do and it's simply the perfect topping for her counterpart, Kanji. Thanks so much! You out-do yourself every time!
BonusParts chapter 10 . 9/21/2009
I enjoy the dialogue between Naoto and her Shadow quite a bit. Naoto's constant attempts to reassert control over, well, herself, are very telling of the type of person she is, pre-Seta. The Shadow is also so very compelling, in its speeches and mewlings and arguments.

I did notice one odd phrase: "hadn't played close enough attention". Is that supposed to be "played" or should it be "paid"? I think you could use the verb play, but the context of the word is a little off; it would require some reworking of the surrounding text.

I enjoy the flashbacks, too, notably the letter from Grampa and Dojima at his desk. They show Naoto as less than perfect, which is appreciated around here. :)
heylalaa chapter 9 . 9/17/2009
another nice chapter. :)

i loved how you describe the interaction between all of them, and how you made the information-gathering scene. especially yukiko and the cop.

"I wish you had," added Yukiko, folding her arms. "Asshole."

LOL. xD oh, yukiko. i never know that you could say something like that. i also like the comparison that rise told between her and naoto. i never really think about it, to be honest. OwO

thanks for the read. x)
Lady Cheshire chapter 9 . 9/15/2009
You get this big lug better than anyone else, I swear. I have become addicted to your fics/writing style, so for my sake, please write more! Thanks for your quality work!
Rayless Night chapter 9 . 9/13/2009
Great details about the other teammates, everything from Rise's omission of emoticons (I loved all the Rise stuff here, especially how she's everything Kanji used to fear, also pointing out the similarities between herself and Naoto) to Yukiko and the cop, to the first paragraph's brief allusion to a possible vulnerability from Souji.

I also really liked Kanji's moment of self-reflection, how he's been pushing people away and no longer knows how to approach them. On the other hand, he's relative calm/mature about everything throughout the chapter, considering what's at stake. He deserves credit for that.

And shame on Chie for stretching the fabric. Cloth's one with the universe, and all. :)

Re: your author's note and comment about pacing - That's a good point, actually. You've slowed the pace in order to internalize more and give detail. It works fine here, but I think if you spin out the info-gathering much longer, the arc will lose momentum. Or not - I don't know if you're deliberately setting something up; you have enough skill to carry it off - but I thought I'd mention it.

Crits:

"But, yeah, I know [how] it feels..."

"On second [thought]"?

Looking forward to the next chapter. :D
BonusParts chapter 9 . 9/13/2009
Great conversations between all of the characters here, and I love how you bring out Yukiko's character in her dialogue with Kanji. It's great to see him learning more about the Investigation Team, as real people instead of just the perceptions that other people have. Rise's conversation really shines through, too, in this regard.

I don't know what else to say, except that I really enjoy this story. You've got a great take on Kanji!
Rayless Night chapter 8 . 9/7/2009
Good progression with Kanji's emotions here. Almost feels like the stages of grief, Denial, Anger... ;) But he's keeping it together, not even rising to Yosuke's bait in the latter part of the chapter.

Rise's also really good here, feeling that she has to take so much blame. It rounds her out a bit better than the game does.

"Kind of shitty of him to not tell anyone, but that was basically Naoto." Great line, and I like that Kanji's never been blind to Naoto's flaws.

Nice work describing Shadow Naoto, especially her unrestrained movement and the hammy dialogue. Also liked the comparison to Rise's Shadow, how something in their voices is similar. The clarity of the image is a good detail. Also, given the earlier chapters, emphasizing that Naoto's smiling carries a lot of weight (albeit twisted).

And word soup. Just that.

Crits:

"whistled into life [,] the static..."

Verb tense - "[Was] that what the drill was for?"
Rayless Night chapter 7 . 9/7/2009
Great mood here - subdued, restrained, impatient and desperate. You hit the balance between her "adult" rationality, arrogance and attention to details as well as the childish petulance: "A body hanging from a telephone pole would prove quite conclusive." - this seems to encapsulate it, both playing the victim and being stridently pragmatic.

You're really cutting to the heart of Naoto here; her anger at the team shows how, regardless of what she thinks of them personally, she wants to be necessary to the case. She wants a place where she needs to stay, people who rely on her so she can't be left alone.

The second part, after the door's opened, is excellent writing - very vivid.

I also like the brief glimpses of Dojima this chapter and the next show.

Crit:

"Amatuers" - amateurs

"phone [lying] on the arm of the sofa"

Might have liked to see Naoto's fear played up more, given what she says to Yosuke when she joins the team - "I was really scared." Panicking doesn't seem right for Naoto, definitely, but what I got here was more her struggling against the chloroform than any emotion.

That's slight though. Your characterization for Naoto is great.
Cat Alex chapter 1 . 9/6/2009
This is awesome! Some lovely descriptions, good characterisation - looking forward to the rest! Keep up the good work!

Take care,

CA
heylalaa chapter 8 . 9/5/2009
nice characterization. ;)

and i enjoyed the chie-and-kanji friendship in this chapter.

thanks for the read. xD
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