|Reviews for My Daughter Has A Vampire Boyfriend|
| Guest chapter 7 . 1/16/2013
AAAHHHH! omg! best story ever i cant wait for the next chapter your really doing great on this story and i cant wait to see what comes next
| Guest chapter 7 . 8/9/2012
when is the continuation?
| crashthecat88 chapter 1 . 12/22/2011
That was a really good story. I ain't kidding ya. I mean, I don't know how many time I have read that story.
| Netbug-Archive chapter 1 . 8/2/2011
I... I just can't see it. Lightning flat out giving up racing like that so suddenly. Taking seasons off? Yeah. Basically saying he doesn't even want to race anymore feels off to me.
| Life Is A Highway66 chapter 7 . 1/1/2010
So far, this is quite good. However, I do have some critisism...
All the way through the story, you've had many grammar mistakes. None moreso than in the title. It should be written as "My Daughter Has a Vampire Boyfriend". You jump from past to present tense sometimes, which can be annoying. You can use commas a lot more, and ellipses ('-' and '...') more often to make the dialogue seem more realistic. For example, in chapter five, instead of "Coach she's not oh forget it" it could be "Coach, she's not my- oh, forget it...". Try not to use exclimation points as well, they often make the text seem more childlike. Oh, and don't abbreviate Radiator Springs, it's lazy writing. You lazy writer.
I also noticed that you describe actions a lot. Sometimes it would be nice to know what the surroundings of the characters are like, to allow the reader a better mental image of what is going on within the story. Also, Ashley seems a bit of a 2D character at the moment, try showing her feelings. At the moment, you're telling the reader what she is feeling. And yes. I think I just made that more complicated than it really is... This could have also been applied for when Sally fooled Lightning about her dieing. He didn't seem that... bothered about it. And if the character doesn't feel anything nor will the reader. Also, in chapter 4, 'father and daughter time' could have been done in detail. Which then could have opened millions of oppotunities for Chick to enter! *holy music* Also, when describing new characters, I beg. Use more than 'blue car' or things like this. Try telling us how they look. Use names of models. Researching doesn't hurt, and doesn't even take that long!
The biggest thing which annoyed me was Mater. He doesn't speak how you've shown it. He often distorts words. And he seems quite out of character.
In chapter 3, the Cindy and Mater... 'Storyline'? Yeah. Relationships don't form that quickly. If you wanted them to be together, they could have been a subplot. My friend, what we have between them is lust.
Another problem I had, which was only with two of the chapters was the formatting (bold, italics and underlining). Picky, yes. But sometimes it can be distracting.
There are also some things I noticed which... Can be preventable. 'Super loud' and 'beautiful stuff'... Seriously? You didn't need 'super loud' because the diolgue was already in capitals, and with the second... If you're going to write that, then don't bother even trying to describe.
Your own characters are nice, although, I feel you made a mistake about naming your character 'Lightning'. Miley... Seems to be a mock of Miley Cyrus, if she was, then... I love you. And Cullen... No. Just a simple big N-O.
Don't get me wrong, this story has potential, and some parts are really cute, but... the glass is half empty.
If you made it this far, then you win. (:
| Sally Jonson chapter 5 . 11/9/2009
Lightning sure had a fast recovery! Going from needing help to get in bed to a racing after Ashley a few minutes later.
At the beginning of this chapter, you spelled Romon. His name is spelled Ramone.
Hm... I don't mean to sound hostile or anything in anyway, for this is your story and you can do what ya want with it, but this vampire/Cars crossover is kinda weirdin' me out. Probably because I just don't have a thing for vampires. But I'm sure if I did, I would like it better. I don't know... maybe it will get more interesting as it goes along.
Something I was also thinking about, when you get Lightning and Lightning together, how will you tell the difference. I know before when baby Lightning was mentioned briefly in the previous chapters, you had little parentheses to tell the difference. Well... that's a little distracting to the readers. Maybe you could come up with a nickname for Lightning "Cullen". Just something to think about.
| caramelkaren chapter 5 . 11/8/2009
Okay, you're lucky that I'm a great friend and all, for well, this story is getting too vampire-y for me. Just letting you know. And I forgot to mention this last chapter, but naming the vampire Lightning isn't very original. Neither is using the name Edward Cullen for his dad. Okay?
| caramelkaren chapter 4 . 11/5/2009
Aw, Ashley is so cute! And I laughed so hard when I read Lightning crashed. Oh, and how can Sally give them a key to cone 15 if there are only 9 cones! (Yeah, I was told there are only 9, and I believe her.)
Edward Cullen. *rolls eyes* I guess I'll put up with the Twilight reference.
| Sally Jonson chapter 3 . 10/19/2009
Wow... Mater and Cindy got real close real fast, huh? Well... *scratches neck*... I think you should wait a bit for them to cuddle and things like that. It just went a little too fast.
Sally was joking? WHAT? Okay, I think that may have matched Lightning's scream when he found out! What did Lightning do to her while she was expecting?
And they turned the Cozy Cone into a house? Hm... :/ I'm not seeing it. Sorry!
| Sally Jonson chapter 2 . 10/19/2009
I knew it! As soon as Lightning listened to Sally and left for the Butte, I was like, "HUH? HE CAN'T LEAVE HER!" And then, I had a feeling he was going to get Doc... and he was! On to the next chapter!
| Sally Jonson chapter 1 . 10/19/2009
You've done better! Only one thing... why would Doc ask Lightning if he was gonna stop racing?isn't that Lightning's decision? I guess I'll find out when I click on to the next chapter!
| caramelkaren chapter 3 . 9/23/2009
Okay, that was mean of Sally to prank Lightning like that! I mean, it's just really mean to do so, telling Lightning she's dying!
Okay, I feel Mater and Cindy getting together was really rushed. I think it should've taken time for them to like each other.
And how did they turn the Cozy Cone into a house? That's my question!
| caramelkaren chapter 2 . 9/11/2009
Okay, there's something wrong here. How can Sally just now she's gonna die? I don't get that at all! But other than, that, I almost cried tears of happiness for the new parents, and almost cried tears of sadness for the possibility of Lightning losing Sally. And when a story makes me cry, I never forget it.
| caramelkaren chapter 1 . 9/1/2009
This sounds really good! I'm loving the whole baby thing. But I've got a question, since when did Sally get pregnant?
I've seen an improvement in your writing since the first chapter of Cars-Crushathon. It's odd, this site seems to help improve your writing quickly! I know it's helped me! XD