|Reviews for Umbra|
| Debby-1957 chapter 1 . 8/8/2013
Umbra is a good name for your story; it fits perfectly. It would be overwhelming to face what Bella is facing. You wrote about the funk she falls into very well. I enjoyed it all except for the ending because it needs a few more chapters! You have a good start, though. Wether you finish it or not, I admire your bravery! I’m too chicken to try writing.
I have read and loved nine of your favorite stories. I'll try some of your other favorites. Have you read "Glitch" by quothme? It's one of my absolute favorites.
I’ll finish this review with my favorite paragraph. This really made me laugh. I can imagine Alice saying this.
"BELLA!", I see Alice waving two pieces of cardstock in front of my eyes – they move so fast that it's almost a blur. "Are you even listening to me? THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT! I have to send out the invitations by the end of the week and the printers are not bending on their two day turn around timeframe for the project – even though I've told them that money is not an object, they keep going on about ink drying time or something! Now what do you think, should we go with the ivory cards with the vellum petal overlay, or the white die-cut cards in the shape of…"
| Xaipre chapter 1 . 2/20/2010
I remember asking for feedback on my first fic, and not getting any, so since you asked for input, I'll try to fulfill your request.
Writing in present tense can be tricky, but I really like it here and the voice you gave Bella. I'm not an expert on fiction writing, but I don't see any problems with it. The biggest danger of using present is that it is easy to accidentally fall into another tense, but you seem to have avoided that very well.
Points of critique - be careful about punctuation and especially the use of capitalization and exclamation marks. These things are crutches, and I think you are more than talented enough to write this story with the emotions and feelings you want to convey without falling back on these devices. Also, sentences are a bit long for fiction. It may seem choppy, but in fiction a liberal use of the period is actually helpful.
All in all, I think for your first attempt this is really good. Please continue writing, because I see a lot of talent in this, and I think you have the potential to write something amazing.
| nosleep3 chapter 1 . 12/3/2009
I really enjoyed this! Are you planning to keep going with it, or are you letting this stand alone?
So, my thoughts:
1. I totally get the frustration with Alice. In having to help other people plan their weddings, I realized how ridiculous everything starts to sound after a while. I almost wanted to jump into the story and yell "The point of putting you in charge of the wedding was so that you could plan the party you want, so plan it already! Why are you invitation cardstock with the girl who wanted to get married in the drive-thru chapel?" I wonder if Bella will reach a boiling point about this kind of thing in your story.
2. If I were Edward, I'd be so scared right now that Bella's getting cold feet.
3. I love that Bella's really contemplating the eventual need to cut herself off from her parents. It seems like she just skipped right over that in the books.
| Noble Enough chapter 1 . 9/2/2009
very good first chapter. im intrigued.