|Reviews for Remnants of the Spider|
| Aspiring Hobby chapter 3 . 8/31/2012
the changing of scenes is too abrupt. Perhaps a line breaker or something like xxxx of the sort between two scenes would be better? Also once again some misspellings are there but not too major, just slight ones. like in the very starting scene of Naraku, Izanami said 'thing' instead of 'think'.
Also in this line over here:
"Under a wave of dizziness the miko aimed and loosed her arrow."
The word loosed seemed to signify that she lost it. It could be written as:
"Under a wave of dizziness the miko aimed and let loose her arrow."
Also this line here is: to me it seems confusing. How did Inuyasha propel?
"Instinctively the hanyou's muscles tensed and flexed and Inuyasha was propelled from the dangerous winds."
Also these two lines seems a bit confusing to me;
"They could not see it from where they stood but Kikyou could clearly see an enormous (vat) deep in the crater. It contained thick black (slurry concocted) from many demons and was the source of Naraku's miasma."
The problems which I had in it are bracket enclosed. What is vat? and What Slurry concocted?
The characterization over here is just amazing. They all seem to be so IC. I really love this story. Nice pacing of the story. None of it seems to be rushed.
But I wanted to ask, why does Akira leaves her lady alone with Naraku if she is suspicious of him? Aren't they supposed to be protecting Izanami so why would both of them leave? After all they both are suspicious of naraku. Perhaps if you showed that then a realism could be shown or thoughts of Mai and Akira on Why do they leave Izanami would be great.
PS: none of my reviews are meant to dis motivate you. They are just my views and I am sorry if I came out as rude or harsh.
| Aspiring Hobby chapter 2 . 8/30/2012
Well I certainly enjoyed this chapter! I really liked the direction this story is going.
There were mistakes but very minor, nothing too much of the sort, only relating misspelling.
Also in the starting of the story, Akira seems to have found the fact that Naraku's wounds seem self inflicted. How did she found that out? Though there certainly is no need but it would be better if you gave the reason. It will bring out a richness in the story.
And also you have delved into the thoughts of Akira but why not Mai?
| Aspiring Hobby chapter 1 . 8/30/2012
Wow! an amazing and strong chapter it is! i really liked it though there are some minor mistakes such as:-
"Their movements commanded by a stiff breeze, tendrils of dark wavy hair began a mesmerizing dance about the still figure; a male who lay prone on the ground."
This line seems confusing, it wasn't until I read the next line did I understand that some one was lying there. Don't you think it would be better like:
"Their movements were commanded by a stiff breeze as they ruffled the tendrils of dark wavy hair about a still figure; a male who lay prone on the ground."
"Though she often looked after him as a mother would, Shippou was a little brother of sorts."
Here is this line it would be better if you would mention the name of shippo first like:
"Though she often looked after shippo as a mother would, but he was a more like a little brother of sorts"
This way the sentence matches up to the para it is placed in.
Here you forgot the punctuation's:
"Yes("), Miroku answered quietly. (")About three hundred years ago, the north was ruled by a powerful leopard demon named Kanagawa Youichi. This amulet was used to control his enormous three headed dragon. It was said that the dragon was immensely powerful... unstoppable even.(")
And also this line over here is quiet confusing:
"by forming a secret alliance with Tokushima, Akio, and the lord of the east."
Here is, Tokushima, Akio and lord of the east, three separate persons?
I am sorry if it came out as rude or something, I do not intend to. And I apolozise for any idiotic part on my part here. These above mentioned lines seemed a bit confusing to me though.
Other than the characterization is just great here. I really liked the way the plot was played here.
| Panda120 chapter 53 . 8/29/2012
cant wait to see this finished its very good and your a grate writer, idk if you still plan to finish this story or not, but i hope you do. i would love to read more.
| Guest chapter 53 . 7/24/2012
I do hope you haven't forgotten this story, because I am completely taken with it! The plot is very interesting and the flow is quite natural! The romance is developing rather nicely so far and I am really curious as to how things will progress! Please update soon:)
| LoveInTheBattleField chapter 53 . 6/30/2012
I'm finally leaving a review after reading this story years ago, I hope you finished this story it's really good.
| me chapter 53 . 4/22/2012
i wish u would have kept writing this story i really enjoyed it
| chinadoll1980 chapter 53 . 8/30/2011
please do finish it the story is so good when i found u started back on it i reread it and i am at a stop ones more cry cry cry please update soon
| Vixen Tail chapter 53 . 1/3/2011
I love this story and how your writting it. Its not very often you find a fanfiction well written and thought out like this.
| Ivy chapter 53 . 11/25/2010
Are you still planning to continue this story? :(
I miss it...
| Fumiye chapter 53 . 7/13/2010
oh please oh please update! Can't wait for the next story.
| Kagome357 chapter 53 . 6/9/2010
I'm glad to see that you're continuing the story. There were a lot of personal reflections with the characters and I like it when they delve into their personas. The inner struggles humanize them to a degree instead of making them look like these fearless badasses all the time.
The story has slowed down a bit but when where you left off, it looks like it's picking up.
Hang in there, ((((Sianna))). We're with you.
| Saoirse Driscoll chapter 53 . 6/8/2010
Wow. This appears to be getting to a very dangerous section for our human members of the group - I'd suspect it'd be worse for Sango, given her chosen occupation.
Great chapter, can't wait for more.
| Kokuun chapter 53 . 6/7/2010
love your story... i just wish you had a marker for when the scenes change... will be looking forwaed to your next update
| JordenMichelle chapter 53 . 6/6/2010
Again, another excellent chapter full of mystery and adventure. I am glad that you haven't forgotten this story! It would be a sad thing if it were to go unfinished. Looking forward to the next update (even if it's not for a little bit). Take Care!