|Reviews for Artifact Of The Old World|
| FireMageHao chapter 1 . 2/18/2010
Absolutely amazing! Good job on capturing their personalities.
If you have any interest in Lord of the Rings, a song of ice and fire, Harry Potter, or twilight, you should read exploding bomb's work. I don't know him, but it is really funny.
And keep up the good work!
Help foolish mortals fix their ways, or I will engulf their souls in flame with the power of the fire spirit(if you have read shaman king)
| Swyn Song chapter 2 . 9/26/2009
Xzistance? Like, existence? Clever. As long as they don't end up fighting to save all Xzistance. That would be a little too cheesy.
| LittleFireDragon chapter 2 . 9/13/2009
So I spoke too soon... "Blah blah blah," said Character. That's a comma, not a period. I know this is a habit for you; try to break it. Also, you like your capitalization. Having read through the original version of the story, I know that "noble" is just an adjective you use with Cale. There's no reason for it to be capitalized. That's just the most glaring example. But you're tired of me ragging you about your writing structure, so I'll stop, lol. On to writing style! You know just where to split a story into chapters! I don't remember exactly how the original went, but for some reason, this version seems to be much, much better. I would like to see the revised version of the rest of it, too! You've become a great writer, and aside from a few purely structural goofs, the story is a good one. I like how you phrase your sentences, and the flow is good. I also know already that the plot is a thrilling, epic story that I will enjoy re-reading!
| LittleFireDragon chapter 1 . 9/13/2009
Well done. I see I finally hammered the concept of commas in dialogue punctuation into your head. Thanks for mentioning me at the top there. A couple complaints: "Well, here is chapter 1. I hope you all enjoy it" Notes at the bottom of the page are kinda jarring. Especially with no break-line. Put your notes at the top or add a break. Also, your breaks are way too long and stretch some people's windows far out beyond their computer screens (like mine). Three to five, maybe even ten stars, that's enough. I shouldn't have a scrollbar at the bottom of the window where a fourth of it is due to the break-line stretching beyond the screen. All technicalities aside, I love the story! It was great the first time, and you've ironed out almost all the gramatical and syntax errors, removing much of the distraction from an otherwise well written story. You're much more eloquent now, too!