|Reviews for What Happened?|
| oOSweet DreamerOo chapter 5 . 8/27/2010
I have some suggestions.
Well, first, I think you could improve on your grammar. Because is really annoying having to interpret the words so they can make sense. Remember to puntuacte correctly. (comas, periods, pauses, etc) If you don't get that right, the story seems rushed and out of balance.
And maybe you could be a little less sloppy with the rythm on your stories. And try not changing the POV every other paragraph. One POV is good for at least a chapter.
You have good ideas, and you're imaginative. I think everyone is well-characterized, but you need to be careful on the way you carry out your stories.
Pay attention to some of the details, like the doctor telling them about Freddie's disease. And why not do a little research on the "infection" part? Come on, the infection started on his leg, and he might die because it spread to his liver? You can do better than that.
I'm only writing this to help you write better stories. It's constructive crit. and I think you can use it.
| ascended ancient chapter 5 . 6/1/2010
Really well written but I hate stories like this not cause they are bad but because they make me nearly cry.
keep writing its a great story
| iLolz aL0T XP chapter 5 . 4/9/2010
| sockstar chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
Someone set us up the bomb.
| Shazzam27 chapter 3 . 9/9/2009
wow, so intense! i love stories when freddie has some kind of secret life. so unexpected.
wow, you're good at the whole cliffhanger thing. suspense. AH! UPDATE SOON!
| Youtube Slut chapter 3 . 9/9/2009
What made Sam freeze please hurry and update
| d4nc3iitupgiirl chapter 3 . 9/8/2009
please write more! ]
| emocutie chapter 3 . 9/8/2009
OMG make some more i know thats not it right this starting 2 get better and better plz make a nother chapter
| issa chapter 2 . 9/8/2009
please continue,i wanna know what happened
| o chapter 1 . 9/7/2009
please continue :)