|Reviews for The Return|
| Guest chapter 1 . 7/1/2015
Idk why my review is NOT showing up! But again I'll say I'm not a great writer... I didn't care whether the plot made sense, I just wanted what I wanted. And Iwhen i wrote this i was 13!
I'm an English major now so I would have NEVER written like this but I'm not going to change it... I look back at it and LAUGH. IT'S a kids fan fiction. You ALL need to calm down and stop being so rude..
| ALEX-DIESEL chapter 1 . 6/30/2015
Okay firstly! To this guest who has apparently DESPISED every word of my story, yet continued to read it...I appreciate your review and you are right about a lot of things! Lol but before you want to slit my throat and sacrifice me...I AM MOT A GREAT WRITER AND I WAS 13!HAHA I didn't care if things made sense, or plot flow or character development and purpose. I just wanted whatever I wanted to HAPPEN. that's what fan fictction is. Calm DOWN!
Now that I'm an adult and I majored in English I would HAVE NEVER written something like this but I'm not going to change it...I look back at it and laugh. End of story. You should think about that before you want to rip someones story to shreds...that's NOT constructive critisim, that's just RUDE. Have a great life.
| Alex-Diesel chapter 25 . 7/1/2015
OMG! STOP REVIEWING THIS STORY LIKE YOU'RE IMPORTANT. YOU ALL ARE JUST RUDE. THATS NOT CONSTRUCTIVE, it's just mean! How many times do I have to say I was 13! I didn't care about plot, character development or back story... I just wanted what I wanted...that's what fan fiction is!
Now that I'm an English majored.. .I agree with you ALL and I would never write something this silly but I'm Not going to fix it, I just look back on it and laugh. You all need to chill out and GO READ SOMETHING ELSE!
| Guest chapter 15 . 6/29/2015
Dom says "Am I only supposed to be your 'secret lover'…you just fuck me when you need some kind of release and then you're back to your life like us never happened?"
But isn't that exactly what he just did with Letty? Maybe I would believe him if he hadn't already married Nicole. Maybe I would believe him if he asked for a divorce.
And I had to laugh out loud at Letty being afraid of Keith. Seriously! He "threatened her" saying he'd make her "sorry". How bland. And why would a man have to rape the woman who is already sleeping with him?!
You give absolutely no backstory for your readers to understand what's going on. We know almost nothing about Dom and lettys background together. We have no Idea why Letty left him. We have no idea why Keith raped Letty when she is his fiancée. We have no idea why Letty is suffering my a scared weakling instead of the strong woman she was in the movies.
Also how is Letty so sure that the baby would be some if Keith raped her a week before? You can't tell to the exact day when you got pregnant! Not to mention that there is no explanation for why Keith hasn't raped her again. It's not like he's suddenly my a nice guy.
And then you have Letty acting like some crazy girl in a movie and instead of calling the police and reporting rape (and showing them pictures of all her injuries) she thinks she's going to stab him to death and go to jail. Is she an idiot?!
| Guest chapter 14 . 6/29/2015
Sigh. I'm wondering why Letty thinks she deserves to be treated like a slut.
She started off seeming like a strong woman but every single thing she has done shows her to be weak. She leaves Dom after being treated poorly. Fine. Maybe a strong woman. But while she is gone she sits sadly and lines for him. Then she comes back and instead of explaining why she left or explaining how she feels that he has another woman pregnant she sleeps with Dom and then rejects him.
And then she is pathetic enough (after rejecting Dom) to still be so hung up on him.
Then she apparently allows her fiancée to beat up on her. WTF?! The Letty I remember fr the movies wouldn't allow a man to beat her. She would cut his balls off if he tried.
So now you have a weak ass Lettygetting together with an abuser because she can't have Dom. And now she's allowing DOL to tell her that he won't share her?! Dom is the one who is married to Nicole! And now he wants Letty all to himself? How about he can have Letty all to himself when he divorced her dumb ass!
| Guest chapter 12 . 6/29/2015
This story continues to not make sense. I recommend you wait a few years until you are a grown up and then rewrite.
Everyone in your story seems to treat marriage like some random thing instead of a serious commitment. Dom agrees to marry a woman he's known for less than a year because she's pregnant. Unlikely particularly in a country where most young people seem to avoid marrying their baby mamma. Letty seems to think, what the hell why not marry Keith.
and you still haven't explained why Letty left Dom for a year, while she was pregnant, in chapter one. Not sure what you are waiting for. It makes a HUGE difference in how we are supposed to think about Dom.
And finally lett tcomes off as pathetic here. She chose to leave Dom a year ago (likely because he was treating her poorly and or was unfaithful), Dom went on to marry another woman, and yet Letty is still thinking that they could be together still.
No one in your story acts like grow ups or like they have a soul. Lettys thoughts about waning Nicole to lose her baby are mean spirited and evil. Mage shouldn't hate Nicole. She should hate Dom for loving on so fast or hate herself for leaving Dom. Why is it Nicole's fault that Dom went after her?!
| Alex-Diesel chapter 26 . 7/1/2015
I reposted this but I wrote this when I was 13! Chill out! I just look back at it and laugh...calm down ppl.
| Lll chapter 11 . 6/29/2015
Someone PLEASE explain this story to me. Most of the characters act like teenagers.
Why is Nicole married to Dom in think be first place? She is in love with Kent and got pregnant from Kent. There is no reason for her to marry Dom. He's not rich. Her parents hate him. What exactly is her motivation for marrying him? What does she gain from it?
Your story makes NO SENSE!
Not to mention that Dom doesn't seem like the kind of guy to get married anyway. He is a player and didn't bother marrying Letty even though they dated for years! He seems like the kind of guy to have a baby momma rather than a wife.
And we still have no idea why Letty Left Dom in the first place!
Hence your story makes no sense!
| Guest chapter 9 . 6/29/2015
Seriously. You have your readers zero backstory on why letty left Dom in the first place. She left off almost a year. What makes her want him now when she didn't for a year?
| Guest chapter 3 . 6/28/2015
Rotflol! You need to explain why Nicole's parents hate Dom. Is it because he's a mechanic? A street racer? Maybe they should have raised their daughter better so she didn't get pregnant immediately after starting to date a random guy.
Also; I doubt Dom even knows 100 people to invite to his wedding. Regardless though wedding guest lists are made way more that three weeks in advance. The catering place would need to know how much food to bring. It is silly that Three weeks before the wedding Nicole's parents are asking how many guests Dom will have? No way !
| Guest chapter 2 . 6/28/2015
It's weird that you haven't explained to us why Letty left Dom in the first place. Particularly while she was pregnant with his child.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/28/2015
I'm sorry. Dom never asked Letty to marry him in the 5-10 years they have been dating but he asks Nicole to marry him a couple months after they start dating?! Really?!
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/28/2015
Dom's a slut. And compared to Letty who clearly says she loves him, all Dom can say is "I did love her...on some level."
Why start a story where Dom doesn't love Letty like she loves him? Seems like a bad place to start.
| Guest chapter 1 . 6/23/2015
Um. You SERIOUSLY need to learn some basic math. It takes 9 months before a baby come after having sex. If Dom hasn't seen letty in one year and she's still pregnant then the baby couldn't be dom's!
I am assuming that you mean that it has been almost 9 months since she saw Dom and this baby was conceived right before she left. That the baby IS dom's baby.
However that creates a different problem for you. The problem of Nicole.
The fact that dom had a new girfrield (Nicole) who is 7 months pregnant with his baby means that Dom started fucking another woman 2 months after letty left! Seriously?!
Wow! He didn't wait a year or even three months. He just moved on to a new woman right away. That kind of makes him an asshole!
Dom sure does move on quickly! Hard to believe he really ever loved letty of the last time he saw her she was injured in the back of a car because her car flipped, almost killing her, because she and the rest of the team decided to be loyal to Dom in his dumbass plan that none of them wanted to do). And then he just said "fuck her I am finding a new woman! ). Didn't he and letty date for like 6 years?!
Bottom line: the way you wrote this story Dom has two women pregnant by him in 2 months.
None of that says that he is a good guy. Even if he started dating Nicole 2 months after letty left, he wouldn't be "in love" with her and ready to make a baby instantaneously!
Come on! You paint Dom in such a poor light that I can't want letty to be with him. He acts like he doesn't care about letty at all. What if she were hurt? Or dead? He doesn't care because he moved right on to Nicole!
| Nipples chapter 26 . 7/6/2013
Is that all your writing on this one?