|Reviews for Carnage Necropolis|
| Steveaaml chapter 6 . 10/13/2009
I wrote a lot, but after that last bit. . .ah geez, I cannot really bring myself to focus on anything else.
I'll write you another long review next chapter.
Way way Way too sad.
not really fair at all.
I'm gonna go talk to some sad teenager to cheer myself up.
As always, it was beautifull written and well crafted and many good things. . .
Props on taking me on the exact emotional rollercoaster that I'm sure you were intending too.
| djfhldkjhglkajshflkjahslfkjhas chapter 6 . 10/13/2009
OMGOMGOMGOMG! BESTCHAPTEREVER! Wow, if I thought the previous ones were amazing, this chapter was...holy cow! I'm sorry. I might just very well be high off all the Ash-Torture. So good! xD Oh, wow!
This simple textual review can't even begin to explain how happy this chapter made me! Enough ranting about the good-Ash-torturey-ness.
It was great how you opened it with Ash's dream. Completely believable. Had me going. I was actually pretty upset for a while there, thinking like "is this the end? It's a pretty cliched ending for such an amazing story!" But then I realized it wasn't the ending and I was contented again, and even amazed how you managed to work it in there and make it so...realistic? It was great. It was so sweet how Brock was in the dream. It really shows that Ash misses him ;_; I also loved the little segement with Ash and Delia. I really am a sucker for those two
Yeesh...Pikachu omelet? Interesting choice of food. xD It was a nice piece of foreshadowing what was going to happen at the end of the chapter.
YAY! Jessie's all better! But now what If Ash or Misty or even Nina needed the vaccine? uh-oh. xD
Interesting...Did you make up your own monster-type thing that was chasing them? It's pretty cool, actually. :D Except for the whole, y'know, eating Pikachu thing. But it worked in so wonderfully. I can't wait to read the next chapter to see how Ash is going to try and accept this new-found horror.
Speaking of which, that had to be my favorite part in the whole chapter. So, so, SO well-written! It wasn't just like "and it ate pikachu and ash cried then fainted" It was...great how you made sure to address every necessary detail. And how you just drew out the suspense...I nearly died! I loved it! The whole time you really had me on the edge of my seat.
Ash seems to always be getting the worst of everything in this story. *laughs maniacally* It fills my heart with joy. xD xD
;_; Pikachu should've listened to Ash when he told him to get into the Pokeball. Maybe then he would still be alive. But alas, it was perfect the way you planned it out. I guess it really is "friends to the end" then, huh? xD
Hmm, and about the review reply, I really do agree with you. JJ&M really should be evil again. They were so cool. But I really think that they're aiming the series for younger and younger kids and, well, after 9/11 I guess everyones just paranoid about the usage of bombs and guns on kids shows. The first few seasons of Pokemon were directed towards most ages, so they had a few more mature scenes (in the banned episodes) that were directed towards the more mature audience. But then the anime threw that out the window. _ Just like how Misty was super violent and hit Ash practically every other time she saw him when the series started out. She was your typical "shounen style anime girl" but now that they're directing it to little kids they're probably going to morph her into something like May or Dawn. Be slightly more girly then what we remember. After all, they don't want little japanese girls going to school and beating the crap out of little japanese boys, now do they? xD
Okay, I'll wrap this review up. You're probably getting bored with what I've got to rant about, anyway xD
So, loved the chapter! It wasn't exactly what I expected but it was still GREAT! Pikachu died valiantly; I must say. xD Really, I can't wait to read more about this "Tentagator" as you called it. Good stuff, good stuff!
-ps409 (aka allyy x.)
PS. (If you're still not feeling better I really hope you get well soon! Nobody likes being sick for TOO long! Get well soon, Aiselne)
| Kios chapter 6 . 10/13/2009
Sweet jesus, you ARE evil.
I approve. That was actually the very first scene I have read, ever, mind you, gory. I just naturally am less affect by emotional things, probably because I'm a sociopath. I am very impressed at the impression you have made. (Wait, what?)
Anyways. when it comes to phonetics and grammar and such, the only problem I had with this chapter was when you were described the shaft, I envisioned it as I would most shafts, straight up. I'm sure 'tunnel' or something would have better suited your purposes. I didn't catch any misspellings.
Also, did I say 'sweet jesus' yet? You freakin ate Pikachu! What the hell, man?
| Spruceton Spook chapter 6 . 10/13/2009
YOU ARE AN EVIL WOMAN.
I JUST CAN’T WHAT DID YOU DO I DON’T KNOW.
I’m…speechless. I have nothing to offer. Except…well, no…I’m officially handing it to you—the “Cruelest Torturer of Ash” Award. You’ve earned it, you deserve it—hands down. I mean, if that atrocious leg-injury doesn’t kill the poor child, his shattered heart will. I…I just can’t see Ash recovering fully from this. I can’t. Can’t. HOW.
Ok…gotta compose my thoughts and review. That’s why I sent you that PM…because…that’s all I could say at that moment. I must have said “OMG” a hundred times while reading this and many more afterward. Let me start from the beginning.
First off, that dream. Incredible. I knew it was a dream. And then…then I started to believe it WASN’T. But I was still cautious. I guess I was just craving it to be so. That would have been the wussy way out of it, though, so I commend you. ;) I absolutely adored the way you painted the scene—I could feel how overly bright and cheery it was. Your attention to detail, how Ash was slowly awakening from his “nightmare,” feeling clean, comfortable, but still very frightened. Too many times you have dreams that you don’t really recuperate from right away, and you did a brilliant job showcasing this with Ash. I have to yell at you, though, because YOU ARE VERY MEAN FOR TEASING ME WITH SUNNY, HAPPY, FLUFFY PALLET TOWN BLISS. And doing that to Ash, too. The way the dream ended, with Ash finding Pikachu’s fur in Brock’s breakfast—wow, was that morbid! Your brain is devious. ;P After this story is over, and pending I’m not completely ruined, you owe us REAL happy, fluffy, Pallet Town bliss, ya hear?
SO glad that Jessie is going to be okay. Rocketshipping to the rescue, w00t! Totally in character for Jessie to refuse the vaccine, and also very in character for Ash to want to keep it for him and Misty. The culpability he’s feeling, the belief that he wouldn’t deserve to be saved if it came down to it, is also classic Ash. His thoughts are all plausible. Let’s just really hope now that giving Jessie the vaccination will not end up pointless.
Good Lord, Tentagator…I’m trying to picture this monstrosity in my mind, and…wow. That whole scene in the tunnel was taxing. At first I was prepared to scream at you because I thought you were going to kill Bayleef. Ha! How silly of me. What is truly exceptional in the name of Ash-Torture is that you didn’t kill Pikachu just by having Tentagator eat him. No. You had to fatally injure him beforehand. And have him dying in Ash’s arms. I’m…actually…kinda glad at the moment that Pikachu was eaten, because…was it a better way to go than to die a slow and agonizing death? I dunno—just…ack. The remains of what was once my heart can now only be seen by microscope. Can’t be said for Ash, though. I mean…God, that little boy. That poor little boy…and—and his leg! I can’t sit here and try to visualize what you really did to him, how wounded he really is, physically and mentally. What’s going to happen? WHAT’S GOING TO HAPPEN? How…what is going to happen to Ash? :( Please…
| dello11 chapter 6 . 10/13/2009
I just couldn't help myself, not reviewing this would be a crime...
Oh my god. Where do I start? Feels like I need someone to throw a bucket of cold water all over me, I just can't believe what I read. :*
Starting with the nightmare scene, I kind of realized it was some form of a dream, since I knew the amount of chapters the story was going to be, and that this wouldn't be the last. It started so calmly and peacefully, then at the last paragraph it changed so fast.. :) Well, I really liked it anyways, so no worries. Well written as usual. :D
Moving on with the actual story, I like the Ash-angsty part a lot, and I think it's something he needs to experience. I never knew you'd take it as far as you did though! :) Pikachu's death as the end of the chapter seemed a bit harsh but then again, what am I doing reading a horror story if I didn't expect it? And it was done very well, bringing Ash more angst. The pokeshipper within hopes that you will have a Misty yelling at Ash about how it's not his fault. (Ask and you shall recieve?(a)) At the moment I don't even know what/who is going to be the next in line, as I always had Pikachu as the last possible thing to decease. :)
Regarding the other events taking place, this was quite a heavy chapter. Sweet of Ash to let Jessie use the antidote, too.
All in all, a mega chapter, and I just felt like I needed to review it. I'm still reading, keep it up!
| Autumn chapter 6 . 10/13/2009
first off glad to hear u are feeling better.(hugs)also no how could u kill Pikachu?Poor this chapter was really good,and u still have an awesome way of telling stories.)
| Spruceton Spook chapter 5 . 10/9/2009
Wow. I can’t believe how much you pack into one chapter, both action-wise and emotion-wise. Even though my heart was just torn into shreds after what happened to Brock (and I apologize for the short review I left for the previous chapter—I had so many things to say about the Pokémon-zombie slaughter and the elevator suspense, among other things, and then when Brock… I just—I didn’t have words after that! D: It hit me SO hard.), I was looking forward to seeing how Ash and Misty were going to deal with the tragedy. I must say, I’m very impressed and pleased with how you handled it. Extremely realistic reactions, excellent writing. I loved (weird choice of word, but you know what I mean) that Ash didn’t want to speak about the situation and wouldn’t let Misty even try to start up the dreaded conversation that both know will ultimately take place. My broken heart was then mashed into even more minuscule fragments (you are GOOD, girl, let me tell you!) when Misty was going through Brock’s backpack. Dear sweet Brock with all of his “big brother” supplies…and his dirty books. Ha. Ash’s behavior in this scene was very believable and effective; this is hitting him much, much harder than Misty. Not taking away from Misty’s grief—just that while this is devastating Misty, it’s DESTROYING Ash. When he took the supplies Misty handed him without even looking at her, it showed that particularly. Coupled with the guilt he holds over leading them to this city in the first place, this is not going to be easy for him to overcome anytime soon. You’re taking his character through a real nasty ringer, and hopefully, someday, after this is over (IF it’s over) he’ll be able to recover. I also truly, truly hope that they will eventually be able to go back to retrieve Brock’s body and the other things they were forced to leave behind. It will definitely give them some much-needed closure.
I also love the progression of Jessie’s contamination. I can’t believe how stubborn she’s being about it, too. I really hope she doesn’t succumb to the same fate as Brock, all because of her pride in herself. She may think she’s doing fine, but she is slowly dying, and it will only be a matter of time before James and Meowth (and Nina, who certainly does not want any more dead bodies on her conscience) intercede. Jessie is brilliant here, though. Her unbridled (and morbid) enthusiasm over the zombie massacre was fun and disturbing at the same time. Love how James recognized that Jessie is not herself, that the virus is slowly manipulating her brain. When Team Rocket steps in to help, they always shine. Their willingness to help in this instance was more than Nina could have asked for, and for that, I do hope they do not become a causality. The tearing through the city in the Jeep was awesome, nail-biting action.
And, of course, must end with the obligatory: WHAT THE HELL IS THAT MONSTER THING? And the car crash? Dear God, are you trying to kill me here? This is seriously (and I believe irrevocably) turning into the most intense Pokémon fanfic I’ve ever read. Eagerly (and hesitantly!) looking forward to the next chapter.
P.S. I believe my family and I are sitting down to watch “Night of the Living Dead” tonight, and I KNOW I won’t stop thinking of this story! :P
| Kyarorain chapter 5 . 10/9/2009
Insane Jessie was freaky, but oh so fun to read about. Ash really could do with a hug right now. Poor thing. Very dramatic and very good chapter.
| Tylida Doradelo chapter 5 . 10/8/2009
I was not at all disappointed with this chapter. Not one bit! C: I love the truck scene. It was a perfect idea. The chase was awesome! I was beginning to wonder if Nina was capable of making mistakes, but she proved me wrong. She can't seem to get her mind off of Tauris. ): Though I wouldn't be able to either, now isn't really the time to get distracted by emotions. I probably would've stopped or wrecked too if I thought he was still alive.
Jessie seems to be getting worse. I hope they are able to get somewhere safe soon so that they can give her the vaccine. I don't want another Brock! D: It was fun to see her acting as if the whole thing was fun. Maybe I'm just a little twisted that way. XD I found it a strange contrast to her guilt and hesistance about killing the baby Pokemon. Then again, it wasn't one of the cute rotten creatures that bit her, was it? It really gave James a scare though, huh?
I really felt for James during the second hot wiring. How is he supposed to work with everyone screaming at him? I would've yelled at people to give me some freaking thinking room. I guess you can't really blame everyone for freaking out though, there was a gigantic monster after them.
I agree with your not using Pikachu for to charge the car. You're right he can't do EVERYTHING. He's not magic and he was preoccupied at the moment. It probably wouldn't have been good if he'd caused the truck to explode either. XD I also thought that the fact that Team Rocket didn't use guns b/c of lack of money was a good idea. It's very logical. They are always broke.
Ash and Misty's emotions and thoughts were very well described a the story's beginning. It's very sad to see them struggle with their grief over Brock's death. It really isn't the time to think about such things but at the same time it might seem cruel or inappropriate, not to mention hard to not think about him or mourn his death at the moment but it's not really the place for proper mourning. It was kind of Nina to give them his backpack. Its contents seem bittersweet with all the cooking equipment and medicine. He was always looking out for them, wasn't he? *sadness*
Well, I liked this chapter and didn't find anything wrong with it. C: I can't wait to see more. Hope you get better soon!
| Tylida Doradelo chapter 4 . 10/8/2009
Dear God this chapter. XD You weren't lying when you said it was long, but I enjoyed its length. Especially with the way you describe the surroundings and actions of the characters so well! Seriously, I'm still not able to get over the way you are able to construct such wonderful imagery.
I was wondering where Team Rocket had been and I'm glad to see them back and unharmed. I'm not the least bit surprised that they had nothing to do with the chemical plant. There's no way Giovanni would let them in on anything like that, knowing they could potentially mess it up as they tend to ruin every mission assigned them. I think it's very funny that they accidentally escaped the zombies by hiding in a supply totally sounds like them. XD They didn't survive by cunning or swiftness, but by accident. Masking their sent is a great idea. I wonder if any of them will impliment it as a means of survival later? It would definately be useful when they reach the chemical plant.
Split up? What was Officer Jenny thinking? Isn't it the number 1 rule in a scary movie/book/fic to never split up? She shouldn't have left by herself anyway. I was hoping maybe Jessie or James but I guess they wouldn't be much help, so her being alone was probably best. Her scene with the Spearows was classic! I knew the moment she said something about Tauris calling them lovebirds that there was something wrong about them. Though I had thought that maybe one was eating the other until she started feeling suffocated. How terrifying! And not only the infected Pokemon, but the victim of one of their attacks trying to kill her as soon as she reached saftey! I don't know HOW there is any ounce of fight in her. I would be completely insane by now. I would have thrown up my hands and said "Done!" Let a zombie eat me. I admire her resilience. She's such a strong woman! This was by far my favorite part of this chapter. Bravo!
I enjoyed Team Rocket's encounter in the Pokemon nursery. How creepy! Aw, and a rotten Phanpy? Well I adore Phanpy, but I'm not sure if I would a zombified one. I am worried about Jessie now though. Meowth was right, she should have told the "twerps". Well they still have that vial of antidote and now that Brock won't need it...
The continuation of their scene was very well written. I thoroughly enjoyed the way you portrayed their emotions and your descriptions of how very twisted the human/Pokemon mind can become when faced with death, especially in their situation. Excellent work.
Ash's reaction to Noctowl and Pikachu attacking other Pokemon really hit me. I was happy to see Misty yell sense into him. Her idea to have Pikachu use thunder in the room was a good/potentially bad idea. But Brock's death absolutely killed me. I knew it was coming, but I was still hoping that maybe a miracle would happen. I shouldn've known better. I mean, really? A miracle in Hell? I admire Brock for his determination and for his absolute fighting to keep his friend's safe. It amazes me that even though he was dying and in incredible pain he could so quickly give up the vaccine and tell them to keep it in case one of them is bitten. Ugh! But it killed me! I knew it! I knew Misty should have never left him! Poor Brock, but at least he's not suffereing anymore.
Well, another excellent chapter, Aislene! Now, on to the next one!
| eevee-love chapter 5 . 10/7/2009
Once again I can only worship you and your story!
I wish I good perform so well when I'm sick!
I discovered a new element in this chapter! Humor :-)
I couldn't help but laugh at the comment that Jessie made to herself about dracula :-) I don't know if you ment it to be funny but it's my kind of humor. sarcastic and black :-)
So this story isn't only scary, intense, bloody, full of suspence and a hint of romance, it's a little bit funny as well :-)
you keep surprising me everytime there is a new chapter!
I liked the way you described Jessie and her changing slowly but surely. I'm intrigued about what you are going to do with her character... keep her or let her change and die? I can only imagine poor James if it's the second option.
I wanted to make a little comment to something you wrote to me. I think you are one of the best writers I have come across her on ! So please don't doubt yourself! You're doing great and I want you to believe in yourself en this story. Just enjoy the writing as much as I have been loving to read it!
I was also happy to read that the story has a lot more to come (1/3 complete) so I can't wait!
| Steveaaml chapter 5 . 10/6/2009
And I again have taken way too many notes of things to tell you, so I'll try to summarize.
I've said it before, but you have a mad gift for tension. Or that whole thing I described before, but man, this was incredibly stressful and brilliant.
The hazel bonyness was a wicked little bit. Very beautifully written. I loved the language used "Weathered, bony, bloodstained fingers hastily punched a door keypad."
"It was Jessie’s brash, yet brilliant, idea to hot-wire a vehicle and plow their way though the infested streets." - This line sounded great, especially coming after the paragraph beforehand. Again, that awesome narrative voice. I like how the characters keep referring to the "Brilliance" of the plan too. This bit had nice timing. Logically deduced/justified/reasoned badassery.
This was a fun chapter in that it brought back some overt humour as well.
Also some quite shippyness stuff, with Misty blushing in the seat, and this wicked line "…Jessie…that was why James pulled the trigger."
Aah! Jessie getting scary was super intense too! Brilliant progression over the course of the chapter.
Loved how you didn't know what Ash and Misty were doing right off that bat. Great idea to start with NJJM in the parking lot while we all wonder how A&M are doing.
"Silence. . .Silence. . .Silence. . .Brock" -Beautiful little interjections.
I forgot about his pokemon! Aw Brock!
The bit with his backpack was very touching.
"Misty needed light."
The pervert bit, and then "Goddammit...Misty missed Brock"
Ash's bit with “…I’m sorry.” at the end.
I LOVED the bit where you're referencing Jessie sharing her faith in James from Meowth's perspective.
"…The road…that happened to be crowded with zombies." -Again, your timing rocks
Oh yeah. . .They did use to have more guns. . .
You write brilliant TR stuff.
"Like a tidal wave, rows of zombies piled up atop the toppled parking lot fence, some crawling across bloodied pavement in sluggishly pursuit of the faster truck." -Horrifying Image!
"Of course, all professionalism ended thereafter. . .Probably, the only reason the woman’s leg never bothered her was because she was too dead to feel the excruciating pain." -Very Funny
Good description of the Gross, Bony Marowak.
Good character paragraph for Nina, ending in "She held no intentions of stopping, even if Tauris miraculously waltzed right out of the station’s front doors while she drove by."
WONDERFUL bit with Team rocket's realizations, and Totally would be Bulbasaur.
I loved how you introduced some crazy terrifying figure, only to crash the car so we have to get worried about it without knowing anything more for a bit.
Knowing that pikachu is fighting, without straight up saying "Then Pikachu stood up and used Agility", which would have been infinitely less cool in a narrative way.
James is a total hero. Great work. Wonderful ending with Jessie unconscious and everything scary.
Also, I loved all the references to episodes throughout.
Sorry, there was a lot to say with this one. I'm ridiculously invested in this story.
| djfhldkjhglkajshflkjahslfkjhas chapter 5 . 10/6/2009
:] You always make my Tuesdays so happy ;D
I swear- If anyone else attempted to write this story, they wouldn't be able to pull it off. You gotta phrase things just right so it's not overkill but you still get a mental image. (Something you are *INCREDIBLY* good at by the way!)
The idea of Hot-wiring a vehicle was perfect. Interesting choice, too.
I really liked the scene in the near-beginning where it was showing Ash and Misty mourning over the death of Brock. It really showed how close their bond was. I especially liked the line "But now their group’s backbone was severed, and left the younger friends crippled." The beginning made me tear up a bit Dx But in a good way.
The whole segment on "Ash being silent" was also perfectly in character. I must say, that section was one of my favorite parts in the whole chapter
Ohh Was the person typing up the password Tauris, or something? Or was he completely killed off in the last chapter by the thing thats chasing the group, now!
Aww I miss when the rockets actually used to be evil. They were only seriously hardcore bad in like the first few episodes. Then they just became kinda a "i'm a bad guy but I'll help you when you need it" type of comic relief. Their personalities are so warped in the DP seasons that it sickens me. It's horrible what they did to poor Jessie James and Meowth. They only appear to be funny, and they don't even really succeed in that. _
GREAT CHAPTER As I said before; your updates make my tuesdays happy xD This is what I look forward to when I'm at school. xD xD
And don't feel like you didn't try your best on a chapter, or that it came out like crap. Because it 100 percent completely totally did NOT. :] And I hope that you feel better :] Best regards
-ps409 aka ally. x.
| Autumn chapter 5 . 10/6/2009
wow this chapter is really suspenseful,also hope u feel better soon,being sick is no fun(hugs)
| Kyarorain chapter 4 . 10/5/2009
Aw... poor Brock. Poor Ash and Misty... a rather gruesome chapter, but very effective and brilliant.