|Reviews for Carnage Necropolis|
| Autumn chapter 3 . 9/22/2009
this story is really,really good!
| Albedo's Jerusalem chapter 2 . 9/21/2009
Pokemon/Resident Evil, huh? Sounded interesting and turned out to be more than just that.
This story as it stands so far is amazing. It's so graphic and detailed. It's full of surprises and keeps me on my toes the entire time. The little girl in chapter 1, for example. Part of me had expected her to move but I was still freaked out when it actually happened. The description of her mutilated body still haunts me. XD No kidding. Thanks for the nightmares. The 2nd chapter is what really caught my attention. Every kid's scene was wonderfully written. I'm scared for Brock now and I hope he doesn't turn into a zombie. Ash barely made it out alive, huh? Misty is the only one who got away ok. I love how you're handling their reactions and emotions. That along with your descriptions is definately making everything more realistic.
All in all, I am thoroughly enjoying this story and chan't wait for your next update.
| Spruceton Spook chapter 2 . 9/19/2009
Wow. That was...wow.
OK, I hate gore. And this is very gory. BUT. I love you, and your writing, and what you do to our dear little boy, so...that outweighs the gore hatred, and therefore I love this. :) ...To an extent. LOL ;)
Um...right now I'm just gonna go sit with Brock. *hugs Brock* Even if he is going to turn into a blood-thirsty zombie who's going to go after Ash first and will create some amazing angsty goodiness. I mean-POOR BROCK! D: Is he-is he-gonna...? ;_; Brock! *sobs*
Each kids' encounter with the zombies was unique and splendidly descriptive. I love the irony of Brock's meeting with (dead) Nurse Joy, Misty will never go into a perfume shop ever again, and Ash was freakin' STABBED, yo. I'd be stupid not to read the next chapter of this. Great job, Aiselne! Your imagination...is disturbing brilliant. Haha. ;)
| Steveaaml chapter 2 . 9/17/2009
Oh Loads of Fun!
That bit with Ash and the Butcher zombie was, again, perfectly timed and wonderfully intense! Truly frightening! Especially, given that we figured he was a zombie.
Also, nice red herring here: "Incidentally, there were a dozen rusted hooks overhead, all holding dangling pans of various shapes and sizes. One hook was missing."
The bit right after that was perfect horror movie stuff too: ""The hook must’ve broke," Ash figured, speaking to nobody in particular. "I guess nobody really is here after all.""
Your bit with Brock was one of the saddest things I have ever read. You did his inner monologue perfectly, while he's fighting to stay awake to help Ash and Misty, but also convincing himself it's a dream, and this paragraph: "“N…Nem…Nemi’s…” Brock finally coughed, hanging his head, as though saying that two syllable word was as strenuous as climbing a mountain. His fading consciousness barely allowed him to utter one last word. “…Ash.”" SO SAD! He's gonna help them! It's So Sad! A!
Also, the transition from Brock's sad bit to Ash all innocent and looking for food was perfect juxtaposition, and perfectly unsettling. Great move to go from something so sad and touching to something trivial. Makes us uncomfortable. Which is perfect for this story.
"Now what would Nina do: resume her plans of reaching the A.P.D. station, or chase after some silly little girl? The answer was pretty obvious. Jenny Ninetta was a police officer, after all.
Rolling her maroon eyes, Nina cursed, “Damn kids,” before running after Misty." -This was perfect. Great full-on character establishment in one bit.
Ash’s heart practically burst in shock when something crashed into him. Flared instincts told the boy to tear himself away from the arms wrapped around him. A blur of red also blocked his line of vision. He almost screamed again when he felt the arms around him…accompany a gentle, feminine “Thank God you’re okay, Ash.”" -This bit was perfect and sweet and so important because I got so worried that "Surely Ash will be fine right?".
The bit right after it was excellent too. "Ash did not know which was more disturbing: his recollection of the butcher attacking him, or the sighs of relief Misty and Officer Jenny strangely exhaled. The women almost looked relieved, as if Ash getting sliced and diced was a good thing.
Little did he realize, it was a very good thing. "As long as they didn’t bite you, there’s nothing to worry about,” Nina smiled, noticing Misty was particularly pleased to hear those Heaven-sent words. Ash just continued blinking strangely, wondering if this night was about to start making sense anytime soon. “We’ll patch you up when we reach the station. Just hang in there until then.” Thereafter, Nina motioned towards Misty. “Help carry him there, okay?”"
Lastly, I loved these lines:
"Plus, Pikachu totally dropped any notions that its violent shivers were thanks to the kitchen’s freezers. "
"The boy’s playful giggle morphed into a surprised yelp."
So all in all, fantastic work again, Misty's fantastic, that bit with the butcher was TERRIFYING, and Pikachu is amrvelous and deserves several awards for excellence.
As do you.
Great work, loved it, cannot wait for more.
Sorry again for the response length; this story seems to demand it.
| dello11 chapter 2 . 9/17/2009
Still exceeding expectations. :) I'm not one for horror but this is simply great. I can't stop reading it! Gah, I need to go to bed, I have school tomorrow ;) I am glad you enjoy the reviews, it always pleases me that you get motivation. It's a shame Brock was bitten, but if I know you correctly, he isn't totally dead from the story, even if I doubt his return will be as joyful as we might wish. ; Keep writing, I read a lot of fanfic from this fandom, but it's tireing to read most of it, even if it's a half-decent plot, and I often find myself looking away to do go to some other website or just relax when reading them, but I just can't take my eyes away from yours. :) Bah, I'm rambling, just keep writing, cause I can't wait to keep on reading :)
| Kyarorain chapter 2 . 9/17/2009
Oh gosh, poor Brock. I knew it was going to be bad when he got bitten. Didn't play any of the Resident Evil games, but I did watch the first movie. I liked the part with Ash, it was indeed a thrilling read.
| Kios chapter 2 . 9/16/2009
First of all: Long chapters are good, if handled well. If it's full of description and content, and doesn't drag on, then it can be as long or short as you damn well please. With how good your writing is, long is very good.
Anyways, I must say, I am surprised that you'd kill off Brock so soon, though I saw it coming as soon as it was clear they were heading to the Pokemon center. Though I did expect it to happen when he was trying to help a zombie Pokemon. I'm safe expecting poke-zombies, aren't I? I mean, given Resident Evil's love for giant monsters, I think the two would go well together.
Anyways, I'm looking forward to the next chapter, and will read it when I can. I don't often go out of the way to follow others, so feel proud of yourself there.
| Tylida Doradelo chapter 2 . 9/16/2009
"Had this moment been lighter, the officer would have joked that the girl’s voice might have been loud enough to wake the dead. Yet, that would not have been funny at all, would it? No."
...Would you hate me if I said I thought it was funny? XD
Ah man poor Brock. I was really hoping that he wouldn't get bitten but it really spices things up. I was wondering if/when one of them would get bitten but now I'm worried to death about him. I know she had a good reason but I'm not sure if I would have been able to just leave Brock or maybe not. I've never been in that situation and hope I never am!
It's funny that you mentioned the Silent Hill series b/c that's exactly what I envisioned when you were describing Nurse Joy. Silent Hill scares me to death. XD
I was surprised at Officer Jenny's arrival but it was a pleasant kind of suprised. She brings a very nice and almost calming sense of control and saftey with her.
Ash's own little episodic nightmare was my personal favorite so far. It was so very graphic and detailed and actually scared me. When Ash was walking toward the butcher I wanted to scream at him "No, Ash! Don't do it!"
Which is ridiculous b/c words are much less likely to listen than the t.v. XD
Your description of the butcher was fantastic as well as the freezer-zombie. The freezer-zombie surprised me. I truly hadn't expected that one and I was seriously almost afraid that Ash would die or at least get bitten from the zombie on the other side of the emergency exit (which turned out to be Misty and Officer Jenny thank goodness)
I was also excited to see Pikachu protecting Ash. The fact that the little mouse Pokemon had enough sense to notice that Ash was too paralyzed to do much of anything was reassuring.
Again, I have to point out how much I love your descriptions of sense. While I'm certain I'll probably never smell anything as disgusting as decaying zombie, it really helps to make everything more realistic.
I wasn't bothered with this chapter's length and as far as I'm concerned too long is never a bad thing. So as long as it's not too shot, we'll be just fine. XD
Another wonderful chapter. Man, I've got to admit I never ever read horror or anything dark mostly because most are boring to me but your's has roped me in and I just can't wait for the next chapter! CX
| djfhldkjhglkajshflkjahslfkjhas chapter 2 . 9/15/2009
Creative town name :] i like how you incorporated outside influences into the story.
...Wow! :D Typical of Brock to try and help Nurse Joy even though she's a zombie (although, he wasnt aware of that, yet). I love how descriptive you get when you start to describe the zombies. It leaves just enough up to the imagination. The Silent Hill Nurse Joy was a great addition to the story. It fit in so well, and it really gives a vivid image. Officer Jenny/Nina was a great addition as well. I'm glad that you didnt just make up a random OC or just swiped one of the characters of Resident Evil. Instead you added your own little twist to an already pre-existing character and that was just awesome. ;D
...Honestly...Ash being attacked by zombies had to be my favorite part. And when he started crying to Misty...I melted. xD
I'm glad that some of the questions are slowly getting answered. I'm sure that once everybody gets to the police station, almost everything will get cleared up...or not. xD
I really like how you incorporated Delia into the chapter, too. It was kinda cute how Ash was remembering his mother's warning; yet it was keeping us all in mild suspension! It was really great.
o_o for some reason i kept on imagining 'Nemi's' looking like an abandoned version of The Krusty Krab from Spongebob. I don't even watch that show; so how that happened i have no idea xD
anyway, the chapter was SUPERB.
I do have one question, though. Do the Zombies come to life every single night? Because I was wondering how the town seemed so spic 'n span when Ash and co got there. So im guessing that either Ash and co showing up caught the zombie's 'intrest' due to them being 'alive' n all having fresh flesh. Well, its either that or the Zombies work like polite little maids, cleaning up the mess they made, before they disappear back into their little hiding spots. (When the zombies came out of the freezer i couldnt help but laugh out loud).
And, and where did Team Rocket go? xD pf i bet they're gunna try n steal Pikachu in the middle of a zombie invasion. xD
Okies, I've ranted long enough! Keep up the great work . Can't wait to read/review the next chapter
ps409 (aka allyy) x.
| eevee-love chapter 2 . 9/15/2009
I don't mind at all that the chapter is long! Who can mind, if it is well written like this?
Once again, great job with your story, I do enjoy getting scared ;) that's the fun when you're reading a horror story, your imagination can make it far worse than a movie ever could :-)
It's typical that once of the main characters has to get bitten. so, that's just bad luck for brock :-)
keep up the good work, I'm dying to read what's coming next! (no pun intended)
| Autumn chapter 2 . 9/15/2009
wow this chapter was both creepy and good) also poor Brock and least Ash did'nt get bit though,thats a good I ordered me a Resident Evil game for Wii that will hopefully get here tomorrow,and also I think u are an awesome author!
| Tylida Doradelo chapter 1 . 9/13/2009
Oh Aislene that was awesome! Totally freakin' awesome! XD
I'm an old RE fan, like of the ridiculously old ones and my memory on them is very fuzzy seeing as how I mostly hid behind my brother while he cursed at Zombies. XD Oh I remember those days.
This stayed very very true to the gruesome and gorey nature that is the RE series and I thought you merged the two very well. I wonder if we'll see zombified Pokemon? There were mentions of that near the corpse of the little girl. (Great description on that one btw, gave me chills) Well all I know was that I was terribly frightened for Staryu. I felt like screaming at it b/c I wasn't sure if it could become a Zombie or not. Silly, right? XD
Your description of the smell really intrigued me for some reason b/c I never would have thought about it. I'm too busy freaking out b/c there's a monster to stop and think "Huh...wonder what it smells like in here." XD So good job!
I should have expected nothing less than greatness from you! I adored it and I can not wait to read the next chapter!
| Steve Again chapter 1 . 9/10/2009
Hey, sorry for the ridiculously long review, and then for adding on to it here. I just had a lot to say about how much I liked this.
Last fun point!
I love that Staryu rapid spun its way through a zombie, cutting it in half.
That's fairly badass.
Or exceedingly so.
Anyway, awesome work again!
| Steveaaml chapter 1 . 9/10/2009
Now, I'm sure you know that I am an enormous fan of fluff. Partifularly your fluff.
That being said, OH MAN WAS THIS BADASS.
I have a number of quotes to share, But first:
You build the atmosphere WOMDERFULLY. You introduce little bits perfectly and gradually. It's fun to read because, sarting off, we know it's gonna be about zombies, so then when they walk into the town and it looks recently deserted, we get excited, and then when Meowth notices an odd smell, that excitement grows. It's really brilliantly timed and paced.
Also, I love the way you play on the reoccurring actions, like TR's meeting the zombies, then Misty's noticing of the body, and now Ash & Pikachu going to see who is behind the door.
Builds wonderfully, plays expertly off of us readers' expectations.
Okay! Quote Time!
"and put this hellish day behind them." -YAH! Foreshadowing!
"She never even noticed James’ face flush when she snuggled close to him," -Cute! This is not without fluff!
“Whadda’ hell stinks around here?” -Totally his voice, and a wonderful WONDERFUL bit of foreshadowing and spooky-atmosphere building.
"It did not help that the red shoe…was red for another reason." -Creepy! Something you're doing very well in this story is suggesting an image. This tells us wonderfully that the show is covered in blood, without just saying "The shoe wuz covrd in blud lols"
"Jessie, James, and Meowth learned the answer to that question a little too quickly for their stomachs to tolerate." -I really like this line.
"Her sapphire eyes blinking, Jessie stared into James’ unmoving face whilst listening to the ghastly moans. James’ lips never budged, proving he was not the moaner. The groans sounded male, but too deep for Meowth’s pitch, and certainly not Jessie’s, either. Something, or someone, was moaning…louder…closer…" -The timing here is perfect. It gets that great thing that TR do that's super funny. The gradually dawning comprehension.
The bit where you describe the corpse with the "how else could a corpse be..." is excellent in that suggestion way too, which is a nice, interesting way of describing something. This bit was fun because we knew it was a corpse, but then to have it gradually described like that created a wonderful, creepy image. Nice work!
Also, the bit with AMB&P all splitting up was perfect because OH GOSH GUYS DON'T SPLIT UP!
Loads of fun.
"dead little girl behind them…
…The dead little girl behind them…clawing at the heel of James’ boot!" -Again, a very fun bit with great timing and fun, dawning comprehension. The repetition of the phrase "dead little girl" works wonderfully.
"The threesome could only pray that muscle man could not run, which seemed unlikely due to his drunken maneuvers. Jessie was not about to stop and find out, either.
"What the hell kind of city is this?" Jessie cried through panicked breaths. She never expected James and Meowth to answer her. At the moment, Team Rocket had more pivotal details to worry about as they ran through the ominous streets.
More echoing moans were beginning to emerge from the city." -This was, again, wonderfully timed. You are writing in a wonderfully patient fashion here; taking a lot of time to create a detailed image, and your narrator's voice is fantastic. It's nice because this is a wonderfully creepy story, but the narrator has a humorous side to their voice, as if vaguely amused by what is going on. It makes it very enjoyable to read, and really adds to the fun of the story in a way that overly dramatic language would not. The fact that the narrator does not take the danger as seriously as they could allows us to take it as seriously as we can, whereas if the narrator is all serious and dramatic all the time, then the reader will be inclined to take it less seriously.
So, in summary, Great Work!
| Spruceton Spook chapter 1 . 9/10/2009
Oh my good Lord, what the devil is going on in this town? *runs away screaming* Dude, that was intense! Definitely a switch-up from your normal stuff-but variety, it is good! Good, I tell you... Wow...where to begin? Um, so yeah, although I love horror and zombies, I hate gore. Unfortunately, when you HAVE horror and zombies, you usually GET gore. So in this case...well, I'm just gonna have to (wo)man-up and take it. ;P And I can. Something about seeing the kids dealing with such a disturbing situation will be very interesting to see. I love the details (and hate them, because...ew. LOL) And...I gotta find out what's going on here and who will (and will not) get out of this alive. Please do sic zombies on Ash, I implore you. LOL! ;) Can't wait for the next chapter...or can I? Damn queasy stomach!