|Reviews for Walk Away|
| Wrenchy chapter 1 . 11/24/2009
Oh yes, I remember seeing this before, but I never actually reviewed it; I only favorited it. XD Whoops.
Now, all informalities aside, I definitely liked the dramatic effect you incorporated with your wording. First, I would think italics would help increase the notion, and rambling with words, especially in Ratchet's perspective, can help, too. Basically, don't be afraid to put things in a more dramatic feel, with more words so much so that it starts to become a run-on sentence. It changes the writing style and makes him sound more furious. What I mean is doing something like this -
"A tickling sensation rolled down his face; he wiped his cheek, leaving an ugly red smudged stain on the back. As his glance wavered its position from behind him to the back of his glove, he sighed - and OF COURSE this couldn't POSSIBLY be the only spot he would find this foul stench and the angry, angry dark red that haunted him so. It would never be that easy to hide, would it? It would never be so easy to hide what he had just done, to hide the foul stench that was wafting to his nose, and his friends, his FRIENDS, would be able to see it all - what he wouldn't give to wash himself, even if it was MUD, for goodness sake-"
That's just a tiny example. Making it seem like Ratchet is ranting to himself really makes it seem more... emotional, more Ratchet.
As far as displaying missing Clank is concerned, I would recommend when talking about him through Ratchet's limited omniscient as regarding him with a certain fondness and more dread of him seeing Ratchet like that, and Ratchet's desperation for isolation (hey that rhymed) to hide what he had just done.
I like the last sentence... I can't explain it. It just seems to add the right kick to the oneshot. If you are going to edit it I would recommend at least keeping the foundations of that sentence, because it's amazingly well-placed.
Well done is all I have to say now.
| Samu chapter 1 . 11/8/2009
I love the dark mood of this. Ratchet's darker side is always very fascinating, and I can only imagine how hard it was for him when Clank was gone. I'd love to see Clank's side of this.
| Lomcat93 chapter 1 . 10/24/2009
Great story; I loved the detail. And the imagery made it feel like the story was real. Keep writing. ;)