Reviews for He Took Them All
darkgemwildcat chapter 1 . 8/20/2011
very cute!
rosebud24270 chapter 1 . 2/16/2011
FallingStar95 chapter 1 . 1/17/2011
Ohhhhhh my gosh! I'm seriously crying right now! That was SO beautiful!
J'aime ma vie chapter 1 . 12/27/2009
Okay. I see where you're trying to go with this. It's a good concept, however, you are in dire need of a beta reader. This oneshot of yours is riddled with grammar, punctuation, and spelling errors that it's almost hard to read. Some serious proofreading needs to be done here.

In additon, you may not think that your fic title and summary will turn a person away from reading your fic, it actually does. In your summary, you need to make sure that everything is spelled properly; grammar and punctuation is key as well. Furthermore, the summary must engage the reader without giving too much away.

For example, instead of your current summary, maybe think of:

"Amneris intervenes and Aida and Radames are saved from death. They are each sentenced to recieve forty lashes, but when it's Aida's turn, Radames does an amazing thing to prove his love for her."

See how more concise the summary is - how it perfectly summarizes the fic, but doesn't give too much away.

Also, with your title, I think "He Took Them All" would be better than "80 And He Took Them All." Having numbers in the title just looks odd.

I hope you don't find my concrit too nitpicky. It is my only wish to help you be a better writer. I hope you don't take what I've given you the wrong way, and I hope you can use it to apply to your writing.
LuckyxLabradoodlexLoverx7 chapter 1 . 9/20/2009
pretty good - i really do think that u need a beta - like i said before - i volunteer my services.

i found a few spelling, puncuation and grammar mistakes, but all of those can be easily fixed.

keep writing and i'll b sure to read.

your friend

Maureen Elphaba Thropp


Queen of the Seas chapter 1 . 9/17/2009
Uhm, okay.

Let me start off by saying that this COULD have been a very cute and awesome story if it was a little better written.

I highly suggest you work with a beta to improve your grammar and such.

But I do see where you were trying to go with this though.