|Reviews for You Belong With Me|
| SourSweety chapter 39 . 3/24
Uhm hi? I'm Rhy as you see. I have been reading this story for so long but I couldn't review because I haven't signed up yet before. I just wanna tell you that I love what you did in this story and how it turned out to be. I guess I just wanted to say, good job.
I guess, I can cope with another story. Yeah... I wanna read it in the future someday. I trust your writing skills and creative mind. It kinda makes you my second idol.
| Guest chapter 4 . 1/18
Don't please don't make hinata and sasuke get together he is such a jerk and doesn't deserve her.
| Guest chapter 10 . 11/12/2016
Naruto stated clearly in the beginning (in his thoughts) that the reason why he abandoned Hinata was because he lusted after Sakura and clearly was just a shitty friend who'd abandon anyone for pussy. This whole conspiracy thing you're trying here to make us forgive him is not really working and seems very contradictory.
| Guest chapter 9 . 11/12/2016
Even after all of this, all the people that have talked to him, Sasuke still doesn't defend Hinata and let her be treated like shit by his slut - this just doesn't work as a romance between them, cause he doesn't deserve her.
| Guest chapter 21 . 11/3/2016
You're making this so hard for me. I kinda ship Hinata with everyone... Arghhhh! You're messing up my mind.
| ohbuoy chapter 36 . 7/20/2016
itachiiii :o! 10/10
| garra chapter 29 . 1/14/2016
I didn't like when garra and hinata break up,i feel like i just want to quit reading this fanfic :p
| Guest chapter 6 . 12/13/2015
This is too good
| TheEternallyElite chapter 16 . 12/2/2015
| TheEternallyElite chapter 15 . 12/2/2015
Not true! Aishido getting his ass kicked was pretty amusing
| TheEternallyElite chapter 12 . 12/2/2015
Eh heh heh, ignore my previous review
| TheEternallyElite chapter 10 . 12/2/2015
Love the story! Please don't update! I have a superb suggestion for the next chapter.
| TheEternallyElite chapter 8 . 12/2/2015
| theaddictwithapen chapter 38 . 11/15/2015
the review under mine is bullshit. it's a fanfiction all, and no fanfiction ever is completely accurate. keep doing you! ignore the last one. that person obviously has no life to be able to sit there and point out every possible "flaw" in a fanfiction. entertaining story by the way!do what you like
| Guest chapter 7 . 10/15/2015
I commend you on finishing this story I really do, but I'm afraid I can no longer read this. There were some things I was very willing to overlook (such as the fact that this is supposed to be a modern Japan AU, but harbors no Japanese social culture whatsoever. I.E. Calling people by their given names so easily, it's a big deal to ben first name basis with people in Japan.)
The fact that the story was getting a bit frustrating, so I decided to read the reviews and found out that practically everyone falls for Hinata. Hinata is a pretty girl, a sweet girl, but it's kind of odd that she happens to be everyone"s type as in they want to spend their life with her. That's actually really annoying in that it makes all the other girls seem insignificant and you're boosting up the main girl by bringing the other girls down.
Sakura was getting annoying too. There is one way to portray a self-centered, spoiled brat and still have her have dimension but unfortunately Sakura was very flat as a character and seemed to only be there for the sake of animosity. A disposable character that anyone could have filled. It just seemed so odd that this Sakura was the person that Sasuke would've forsook Hinata for. I'm not the biggest fan of Sakura by a long shot, but this was way our of character. I suppose by writing fanfic any character can seen as OOC but this was a bit too much. Any girl could have filled in the role of the mean girl, it didn't feel like Sakura needed to be this girl.
Secondly, Hinata was and has been really bland as a character. Which is unfortunate because she was the reason why I read this story in the first place. Again, she feels like the Mary Sue who can do no wrong and it's everyone else who is mean, not her. She has no dimension. Add to the fact that her father is mean to her, but not in the scary Asian Dad, Hiashi-way but rather it seems really petty. Like really? Taking her siblings out but not her because she was asleep? You're telling me Neji and Hanabi went along with this all fine and dandy? Some siblings they are.
I think even if Hinata was seen as the "lame" girl in the school, she'd still have a regal and ethereal aura to her. But perhaps she wears her hair in a way that construed her face because she's shy. Maybe her skirt is way longer than the other girls. Maybe she wears sizes too big too hide her breasts because she's embarassed how huge they are but it just makes her look frumpy (thus why she's not appealing at first glance anyway. I say she has a regal and ethereal aura to her because that the appeal of Hinata as a character herself and you've taken that away by having her sit in the back, by having her be so unnoticeable yet at the same time all the guys like her, maybe what is appealing about her is that she still holds her regal aura despite being picked on. Maybe that's why the girls pick on her in addition to attention she gets from guys as in "oh look this girl thinks she's better than all of us"; which would be irrating for other girls, because unlike beauty and fashion, this aura isn't something that can't be bought, Hinata is just naturally graceful and looks every bit like a society princess but her shyness overshadows this. Something like that.
Also, I see that you've written like 6 alternate endings for this story which kind of shows that any of these events leading up to the ending doesn't matter, that the trials and tribulations Sasuhina (or any of the other couples) have gone through throughout her course of this story don't hold significant meaning because the ending is a "pick what you like". Like emotions and bonding Hinata went through in the story don't matter. As a writer, it's very easy to go one route and have many paths open up for you regarding story direction. But it is your job as a writer to CHOOSE the best direction for the story, by having all these alternate endings, it seems like a copout and that you had no real direction for the story. As a reader, it feels so unsatisfying.
I know you're writing this on your own time and again I think it's great you've finished the story where most writers on this site have not, but I feel like you could've done this premise much better justice. Right now, it honestly feels like any girl could insert themselves as Hinata and daydream that she has 10 guys drooling after her. But you know, Stephanie Meyers wrong Twilight intending for that and she's a very rich lady right now, so what do I know? I mean, the books were NOT the best written, not by a long shot, but she's been published and read around the world.
My advice is to do a bit more background research on your topic. They say to write what you know. If you research a bit more on Japanese social culture and school life it would help. Also, I avise you to use spellcheck or to find a beta; someone to profread your ep story before you publish. As I've said, there are a lot of incorrect word usage and spelling mistakes that are easy rectified. Also, finding a beta may help you bounce ideas better (so they can reign you in when the story gets too crazy, like having all the guys falling for the main character) and also they can point out continuity errors. I think that it would be beneficial for you to grow as a writer, especially if you write your own novel someday.
Also, as I've said being, you should rely too heavily on dialogue for exposition. Try to write a few descriptive paragraphs from the charcters head. I've seen so many beautifully written fics that should be novels themselves that were written like this. Try to understand the charcters motivation of their actions rather than "I'm mean because he likes her and not me. I'm pretty and she's not. Why doesn't he notice me? He's mine, he should only be paying attention to me." Perhaps it could be more like the character is insecure, flawed and losing their other half (significant other) seems like losing a piece of themselves, needing validation from that other half because otherwise they feel worthless as a person. This makes the character seem more dimensional and helps the readers relate to them better. A lot of villains that aren't straight-up villains but aren't particularly good guys either always seem to be popular characters in franchises because of their depth. Look at Loki from Disney's Marvel Cinematic Universe. I don't think he was nearly as popular in the comic world before Tom Hiddleston's portrayal of him as a flawed individual with reasons behind his actions that aren't just "I want to be king."
Don't be discouraged by this review, everyone starts somewhere and your writing can only grow from it is all I have to say.