Reviews for Monsters Within
Comix28 chapter 4 . 9/19/2009
First of all, I really, really, really hope you don't go back to your old layout. No offense, but this layout was a lot smoother and easier to read. Before, you mixed the dialogue a lot so that it was hard to tell who was saying what.

Believe me, this way works so much better! Made it much more enjoyable!

And I love the way you are not afraid to delve into how Snakes gets stung in regards to his disability. SO many authors are afraid to do so. I think that is what makes this fic even more interesting so far. _

I just love it. You are giving Snake-Eyes the attention to his character that he deserves while keeping him bad-ass. Haha.

And this chapter with Breaker was priceless. Just priceless!
zenbon zakura chapter 4 . 9/19/2009

poor breaker!


smooth snake eyes!

hurry update!
Loki22 chapter 4 . 9/19/2009
WOW! I think this is tremendously interesting. I particularly liked that you have SE *talk* to someone like Breaker. Also, your take on his frustration at being mute, is very good. Also very well written, it is a treat to read it! I will wait for more! Thanks!
zenbon zakura chapter 3 . 9/18/2009

chocolate cake sounds good right now lol
Frankizzle chapter 3 . 9/18/2009
The rest of the time.. he just yelled a lot - made me laugh :D

please let it be time for action! good chapter, update soon please.
Rutga chapter 3 . 9/17/2009
Your look into Snake Eyes and his frustration with his situation is unique and well done. There aren't very many writers who go into much depth with him, and I like what you're doing.

One suggestion I would make is that you often have one person "talking" followed by the reaction of someone else in the same paragraph. For example

*You mean a 'chair brick leaf'. He stayed confused for a week.* She grinned.

It can be confusing. I would suggest putting the reactions in the same paragraph as the person's response.
Comix28 chapter 2 . 9/17/2009
I am loving this so much! Snakes is my absolute fave as well and I think you have done a great job with him! I always appreciate it when writers delve into his feelings about being a mute and such. And I think you transitioned into it quite nicely! I can't wait to see where this goes, it looks like its going to be a pretty tasty fic! *excited*
Frankizzle chapter 2 . 9/17/2009
:O this is so good, youve got ssnake-eyes done perfectly! please update soon!

Frankie xx
snakesandscarlettforever chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
Great! I love it. Wonderful job. About keeping the language "not so bad", I think that what you did in this chapter is as far as I (personally) would go. That's just my suggestion, because I don't use "language" etc., but this chapter is really good. Looking forward to more! D

-Snakes and Scarlett 4 Ever!-
Jasperslittlesister chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
I like this story can't wait to read more
Fett012000 chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
Very nice! I'm loving your writing style and the characterization you've managed to have come through. Can't wait for more.
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