|Reviews for My Tears and the Sky|
| Loomena chapter 3 . 8/20/2011
Such a sweet story!:)
I really love it;)
Poor Kluke... That stupid landshark!;(
| Inita chapter 3 . 7/26/2011
It's a bit of a shame that you don't have much time lately, but it's fine, it's fine :) I read the note on your profile, so everything is understandable on my end.
What have we hear? Another critique:
- "Hope you're both doing well. Things are fine down here" They're both fragments, so I'd suggest a semicolon, but at the same time... seeing the way this chapter's tone is, I'm not going to worry too much about it, and neither should you.
- "They put their faith in you, and it's your responsibility to help them and be worthy of that trust" I don't think the comma is necessary here.
- "It's the only thing that keeps me going sometimes, the thought that I'll see you two once more." I don't like the looks of a comma here... Hmm, I'd suggest a hyphen, but at the same time... Well you used it in the previous sentence, so I suppose 'no'. Let me mull this over...
I didn't find that many mistakes because it's such a short chapter, but that's understandable. Well, in comparison to other critiques I've left on short chapters, there weren't nearly as many mistakes :/
My overall thought on this chapter? It was very sweet and I'm impressed with how much emotion you could put into such a little amount of words.
~ SnivyGirl07 (Inita)
| Inita chapter 2 . 7/26/2011
Response to Review Reply: Forgive me for reviewing so late :( I have been quite busy. Common thought ;P There are probably zero to none Shu/Kluke fans (who are actually members) and those who are... well, they write for Shu/Kluke, but meh. Heh I love Jiro/Kluke; friendship or not. If ya do work in the Lago Village scene, why not change it around a bit ;) Oh, right... Hmm... I'll think about the line e.e Try to expand just a bit ;P Huh? Oh! Right xDD Forgot about that myself, too ; But yeah, any time and glad it's healing up
Now instead of my usual review with 100% bliss, I'm going to try something else...
Oh my, look what you're getting from moi; a critique :D
- "She was the only one who came here now, save for Fana or Lailala" I am quite unsure of this myself, but I don't really think a comma fits after "now". I say this because there is a lot more 'detail' after the first part of the sentence.
- "between adults or adolescents - or even infants." I don't think the hyphen is necessary. Why? Because you have "or" before adolescents, so I don't see why the hyphen is needed; especially if you just wrote about infants/babies just before.
- "Rapidly, she pulled it back up, but from how light it felt, Kluke already knew what had happened." Honestly, I think you're abusing commas quite a lot in this whole chapter; this sentence helps me explain my theory (stop that, mate ;P). There are certain phrases in grammar - depending on the writing - where commas are necessary, but there a few unnecessary here. Honestly, the sentence is quite perplexing, but... Though it is a conjunction, I think it's okay to get rid of the comma after "up" here :/ Er... this could go without saying -_- It just seems that you're pausing at unnecessary marks. Do look over that sentence again and think up a /better/ conclusion; it may be easier for the writer rather editor.
- "...to do it in the exact same spot. Shu had also done it in the exact same spot of Jiro's old house" The word "spot" is used quite a lot here. I'd suggest adding in more detail on Shu's pacing habit without having to use that word, or just delete one of the words; look for a synonym is what I mean.
In pure honesty, I can't find many mistekes You just saved me from a world of very, very long analysis. Lately these days, I'm staring at someone's fanfic pointing out each mistake that it's a bit absurd :/ I'll literally be there for hours just fixing up one bloody chapter -.- Sometimes the chapter isn't even that long.. but I critique, that's what I do _ So...I guess you could say, this is my way of complimenting you as a good writer with little, /trivial/ mistakes ;)
So yeah, loved the Jiro/Kluke friendship in this chapter :) I thought everyone was pretty in-character, and I'll get to critique chapter 3 in a bit, 'kay?
~ SnivyGirl07 (Inita)
| Pheeja chapter 3 . 7/26/2011
awww... so sweet :), dnt wry kluke one day u'll be together :D.
Welcome back, I'm really happy u updated, thats terrible i wud hav died without internet.
I look 4wd to reading ur updated fics. :)
| Pheeja chapter 2 . 12/27/2010
dis chap was gr8! i hope this story gets updated soon! i just love kluke shes my fav character in bluedragon! y cant there b more kluke stories...
ny way ur stories r awsome! i have read all of them they r really good! im new nd i think my stories suck! but oneday i know ill write better stories! plz update soon nd dis story is soo like going in my favourites :D
| ThanksAgain chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
I love it Yamadori-chan~ You have to update this soon~
| kotokei chapter 1 . 9/18/2009
Ah! Are you alright?
Drabbles...*dreamy look* from senpai...Yes! *pumps fist* And I feel really, really sad for Kluke right now. So I should probably write that I think you portrayed the emotions very well, clearly and strongly. And Shu's, too.
...I can't wait for Jiro to show up. (Jiro: I'm right here, unfortunately.)(No, silly, in the story. xP)(Jiro:...You haven't had enough of torturing me?)(When have I ever? *innocent look while pushing papers to the side*)
| KARIN848 chapter 1 . 9/18/2009
aw love it! 3 poor Kluke! Don't worry! Shu's there!
| Wind Paradox chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
Please update more! I want more from you!:D Great Chapter!
| OceanLeviathan chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
That's so sad, yet beautifully written :) The game only really touched on the deaths of her parents but you could tell she was still tormented by it, this would fit in as a scene really nicely
| Inita chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
So "My Tears and the Sky" is here now, eh? Good beginning even though I'm not a fan of Shu/Kluke it was pretty good...then again it was friendship so I'll lay off. Hey, is the next chapter going to be Jiro/Kluke friendship? The event in Lago Village? Hah...anyway keep up the good work. _ Oh and about taht "cutting potatoes" episode and all, that sorta sucks. Hope it heals quickly.
| Crescenta chapter 1 . 9/16/2009
Please update soon! I love it so far! I would also like to a little KlukeXJiro scenes ;)