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Hiya! I read this fic a while ago but never really got to appreciate it until I finally played a PMD game.

A quote I liked:
[another idiot that should by all rights be able to eat zubat for breakfast]

[Nick felt a spasm of shame for beating up what was obviously only a little kid, but then shoved the feeling aside out of irritation. Pokémon, right? This is what they were born to do.]
If only the pokemon are fighty monsters/I am a pokemon resolved a little more in Nick's head, and maybe he would've heeded the poor kid a little more. The kid who was probably fleeing from getting eaten...

Needs caps for the names:
[Even arcanine was, for once,]
[The big pokémon, who had been watching cubone's death as well]

[Warm breath panted against his ear, and Nick found himself uncomfortably close to Arcanine's face as he turned around again.]
I really enjoyed the transition from casual rescue mission to creepiness; if it was a game, this would be the point where the music would stop playing but the outright horror didn't yet start. I also liked how the story went directly from Nick getting killed to Arcanine's perspective.

[It was so wrong, he had to get them out of here, maybe they would still be okay if he could just get them away from these monsters—]
The actual murdering scene and Arcanine's explanation afterwards were a bit wordy and perhaps less effective than the in-betweens, though. This quote is what showed off the horribleness best for me. I think it was what worked because Nick's background narration earlier was him more complaining than describing stuff, so when the killing began the glut of description that came with it seemed over the top. Or maybe it was that because that tension was up, keeping with lots of description made the description feel like it was getting in the way.

Arcanine's narration after that was, hm. It felt like a weird mix between objective narration and Arcanine narration, so that Arcanine was justifying his lifestyle to a reader more than musing on his meal. I liked the lore but it felt detached more than gloating, sorta?

Anyway, if PMD would allow it, this would make for a great scene in the games. An escort mission that was actually an ambush, hiding as an innocent little job on the boards. Or a story rescue teams tell around a campfire as well, of the rescues gone wrong. I don't know, but I love the sheer horroriness of this story.

I also haven't been reviewing Salvage lately and I plan to get on that!

That's one disturbing double meaning to that 'never again' but it makes sense. Sick...

...Creepy...

At first, the story just felt like an excuse to rant about how stupid escort missions are. That's most of what Nick was doing, after all. The ending, while predictable and maybe a bit over-explained, was funny.

Oh man. You are once again my hero! I love it! It's utterly amazing! Especially the twist at the end. I haven't had a chance to read your new chapter for Clouded Sky, only because it's been so long since I read the story, I'll have to start over.

I haven't gotten far enough into the newest dungeon version to know if there are still escort missions, but most likely there are.

Keep writing! I gave up because I hardly have the time right now... but I love your stuff and was so excited to see the update e-mail in my box.

PNEK MEKS

So now all you need to do is write one about rescue missions involving Hail/Sandstorm dungeons and the bloody non-Ice/Rock/Steel/Ground clients that keep dying before you can reach them.

...stupid Azumarill.

I liked this. I was expecting some sort of violent twist given the rating, but I was so distracted by my mental giggle fit over the "There's a zubat!" in the beginning that it almost caught me off guard when it came. Sounds like a perfectly fair theory about why the game's clients are such pansies to me.

I also thought it was interesting when you were describing Nick's memories-the "games" and "real dogs" stuff-because I think most of us tend to assume that the PMD humans come from, say, Ash's universe or something. A "real boy", huh... cool.

I thought I had something constructive to say but on closer inspection I was apparently wrong, so good work!

Oh MAN, I didn't see that ending coming. An original, if not morbid, take on those ridiculous escort missions.

I'll never look at the clients the same way again... In the next generation, they're still just as ridiculous, only now you also have 'outlaws' that you 'arrest'.

It's really annoying when you have a client who keeps using a move like mudsport, watersport, or refresh and won't stop. I've even had a client use sandstorm on my team. Too bad we were too strong for them to eat us. ;P

Wasn't it also ridiculous that a ninetails was considered a legendary in the first generation games?

Hee, morbid.

I really enjoyed the progression of this, for lack of a better word; I didn't know where you were going with the idea at the start (my initial guesses were for some reason that it would be something in the direction of Facia's Xanthic Growlithe Contract) all the way up until the frantic Zubat and the strange cautiousness, and then "wait, it's a trap!"

I also thought Nick was quite well done throughout with the little details of his missing human life, which added to the horror element since it makes us very aware that he is a human (who played Pokémon video games, no less) without shoving it in our faces. The little we saw of the rescue team dynamic and generally the first half felt very nicely like the actual game, forming a twisted contrast with the last part.

For some reason I also really liked the portrayal of the rescue badge throbbing.

Fairly late, you have "His eyes flicked sideways at flickers of movement of movement", which you might want to fix.

I'm kind of torn on whether most of the final scene is really necessary; it feels a little infodumpish, and a lot of that information is only what we've either figured out already or could deduce if we bothered to think about it. Which is not to say there aren't interesting bits in it too (particularly the human-turned-Charmander tasting a little "different", and I liked the touch with Poochyena being too much like a Growlithe for Arcanine's taste), but when I was reading it it felt like it was just explaining a bit too much, somehow. That said, I also have a hard time imagining the scene done in such a way as to avoid that while still getting all the interesting information across without feeling awkward, so eh. It's not that it precisely hurts the story.

...Well, I also might just be rationalizing my general squick reaction to the fact that it's a scene about gnawing on the bones of an adorable little former-human Charmander who misses home and just wanted to go home and take a nap (it doesn't help that while reading this, *I* wanted to go home and take a nap). D: You cruel, evil Negrek.