|Reviews for Heroes|
| Blue-Inked Frost chapter 2 . 1/17/2013
I liked the action scene in chapter 1. Short, sharp sentences; quick paragraphs; sense of motion.
I noticed a use of underline instead of italics for emphasis in "Don't touch me!" and wondered why.
"It also occurs to me that she is trying really hard to protect me, but couldn't seem to care less that I exist. I don't get it." - Hasn't Terry ever had to protect anyone he didn't much like?
I thought the way it was established that Terry was familiar with gunfire and situations like this was subtle but well-done - he's casual and insightful about the scene, thinking about how he's going to get back to his apartment and analysing the enemy repositioning. And I also liked the casual attitude coming up against a bullet in the stomach.
With Silverson dragging Terry along, one thing I wondered was why he didn't contact Bruce with some emergency device or using his brains to get to a phone or computer or figuring out a way of signalling. Bruce could verify if she really was FBI and what's going on, use his contacts to help whatever the threat is, and so on.
I also thought that her mysterious healing powers at the end of the chapter were intriguing!
In the second chapter, I liked this line:
[[ "Right, I forgot; you're the best and you know everything. No offense, but I'm not so sure you're as godlike as you seem."
After a few seconds of silence, the second voice whispers quietly, "I never said I was a god." ]]
Very in character.
"it isn't indicative of" - "it doesn't indicate" is less pretentious phrasing; I think that might be more what a character like Terry would say. Or "it isn't a sign of". "Indicative of" is one of those academic-jargon-avoid-avoid sort of phrases - at least IMO.
And the Copycat weirdness was suitably frighting and intriguing; kudos for that! Clearly a confusing, dangerous, interesting situation.
Sorry I don't have time to leave a longer review, but I hope that this reader reaction was helpful.
| Lorendiac chapter 1 . 11/14/2012
Okay, I just finished reading this chapter. I haven't peeked ahead yet to find out who grabbed hold of Terry in the cliffhanger at the end. (Someone who can walk through walls? My memory of Terry's canonical villains isn't all that it could be, and I haven't bothered to go Google for a complete list of the "usual suspects" in that series.)
Now for some snap reactions to the plot as it has developed thus far:
I'm a little surprised that Terry didn't INSIST upon taking a few extra moments to grab the backpack when Silverson was trying to drag him to the window. He could have made something up without needing to say "my superhero suit is in there for emergencies." And he has demonstrated enough fighting skill in the canonical episodes to make it clear that just because one federal agent has grabbed his arm doesn't mean he's utterly helpless and will just meekly go wherever the agent wants him to go.
I know you don't want him to be wearing the suit when people are shooting at him in the opening scene, but there might be other ways to either a) deny him the chance to grab the backpack before being hustled off by Agent Silverson, or b) deny him the chance to pull on the suit before gunfire suddenly starts filling the air later on (perhaps because he was LATER separated from the backpack, much to his chagrin), or else c) have him hesitating to pull the suit out his backpack right in front of Agent Silverson and anyone else who might be watching with interest and could not be trusted to keep his secret identity a "secret" in the future. (In that last case, he might get shot just as he'd FINALLY been thinking, "Heck with it, I'd rather compromise my secret ID than get my head blown off!" - and then discover he had delayed that decision just a little bit too long as he collapsed with a red hole in his torso!)
By the way: The thought did occur to me, when "Agent Silverson" identified herself during that scene in Terry's bedroom, that he really only had her word for it that she was, in fact, a genuine FBI agent. Near as I can tell, she never even showed him any credentials? Later, in another apartment, when he sees her wiping fingerprints off everything, I thought: "Gee, that's more the sort of thing a professional criminal would do if she were afraid a CSI team would soon be sweeping the scene for evidence to use against her in court. How often do FBI agents really worry about leaving their fingerprints on the furniture in a room where they have simply been doing their jobs? How often do criminals bother to dust an apartment for fingerprints of law enforcement officers, instead of the other way around? And what difference would it make if a pack of criminals actually did so in this instance? How would it benefit the criminals to have 'proof' that Agent Silverson and Terry McGinnis had been in this apartment recently, but had left before the bad guys arrived, and probably weren't planning to come back?"
I admit that there could be strong reasons why an FBI agent doesn't want her adversaries to find her fingerprints - and for that matter, the adversaries might be agents of a foreign government, or even of a different agency within the U.S. government, with access to a huge database of fingerprints. But the main thought going through my mind was: "Is Silverson lying through her teeth and doing her best to make sure the real FBI won't be able to pick up her trail and prove anything against her in court?"
As I finish reading this chapter, I don't yet know the answer to that question. You may have wanted readers to be suspicious of her because she's a fraud, or you may have wanted them to be suspicious of her before learning she really is an FBI agent who is behaving unconventionally - and apparently operating alone in the field, without a partner at her side - because of some EXTREME circumstances.
Although Silverson's sudden display of some sort of superhuman healing ability is a strong hint that she has some serious secrets - but I recognize that it doesn't prove she isn't on the FBI payroll! For that matter, when Terry complained in the opening paragraphs of this story that Silverson was firing her gun with her eyes closed, I suspected there was more "method in her madness" than he realized - as if she were somehow receiving information about her enemies via a method he couldn't detect at first glance (such as a psychic power, or some other "unfair advantage").
One mildly amusing side note: In the opening scene, when Terry reflects that the woman is trying hard to protect him, but doesn't seem to care about him, I remember blinking in surprise, because as far as I could tell at the time, she might just be trying hard to protect HERSELF from enemy fire. As I kept reading, of course, it became clear that she had previously CLAIMED to be dedicated to the mission of protecting Terry, although I'm still not sure how seriously to take that claim.
The way you jump around, chronologically, I still don't know just how they made the transition from "riding in a car to some destination outside of Gotham" all the way to "crouched down behind crates while enemies are shooting at them!" I assume you'll be filling in that gap in the sequence of events, somewhere along the line - I'm looking forward to finding out! (It may be explained in the very next chapter, but as I said, I haven't peeked ahead yet.)
Now for the Obligatory Nitpicking (or "bits of constructive criticism," if you prefer) regarding a few specific lines. Material quoted from your story will be surrounded by asterisks.
* * * "What the hell is going on?" * * *
It's a natural question under the circumstances, but I would have made it the last thing in the initial paragraph, instead of giving this line of dialogue its own little paragraph. Since the opening paragraph started with a two-word speech by the narrator, adding this question at the end of that same paragraph would clue the reader in that the same person was still speaking to his companion.
As it now stands: When the narrator speaks, then looks at another character, and then there's a paragraph break, followed by an unattributed line of dialogue, it can create the impression that there's just been a change in focus in this conversation, with the second character (the "deadly beauty") presumably speaking those words to the narrator who is staring at her!
I had to keep reading more of this scene before I could be sure that wasn't what you meant.
* * * she might have better luck if her eyes are actually open. * * *
"If her eyes were actually open." Even though he's narrating this story in the present tense, rather than in the past, that clause starting with "if" calls for the subjunctive form of the verb "to be."
* * * Her's doesn't even have a feminine twist to it! * * *
"Hers." No apostrophe.
| Purple Majestic chapter 2 . 3/13/2012
ooh i love it i cant wait for more
| Waterfall13 chapter 1 . 3/11/2012
This is so cool! i also have the same questions as the reviewer below me. why IS dick so young? and who is this Darren? so many questions! please update!
| Waterfall13 chapter 3 . 3/11/2012
im loving this story, BUT WHY DID YOU STOP THERE? im in so much suspense its killing me! please update soon!X)
| ShadowCatAlex chapter 3 . 3/5/2012
So sorry about the whole private message thing, but I've fixed it!
I'm blown away by your enthusiasm to respond to my questions, can't wait to hear from you!
| ShadowCatAlex chapter 2 . 3/4/2012
I realize you haven't added to this story for about 3 years, but how could you possible end it like that? It's so good!
I have a million questions! You can't just stop it there!
Why are they after Terry? Why is Dick Grayson young, a shapeshifter, and a telepath? Who is Darren?
| xSilentPeanutx chapter 2 . 7/29/2011
GEEZ, what a wild story! It's so interesting and just keeps me itching for more. I love how you put the twist in that the agent seemed to be good at first, but then it goes a 180 and she ends up possibly being the bad guy. WOW juat WOW xD
| MrGoodyTwoShoes chapter 2 . 3/30/2011
Good start. I'm not a fan of first person stories but you seem to be able to keep the character whose perspective we're following in character. The first chapter was a tad confusing because you jumped aorund quite a bit but that seemed intentional. Chapter 2 was a bit easier for me to follow so I hope you'll consider sticking to that method for the rest of the story.
Nothing else to say since you're only two chapters in and you're clear spelling and grammar wise.
Hope this helps.
| King Spritzee chapter 2 . 3/29/2011
Great story. Found no glaring errors, spelling or grammar-wise, so I approve of this story.
Have a wonderful whatever,
| ecrm chapter 2 . 5/27/2010
I hope you continue this, I can't wait to see more of the mysterious Copycat. She's a great opponent for Batman, after all she could be anywhere, it's no wonder Terry is so paranoid.
| dmnq8 chapter 2 . 2/7/2010
Well, now! I hope this continues, because it's really got me hooked! Now I have to go google batman beyond :D
| dmnq8 chapter 1 . 2/7/2010
Don't know anything about batman beyond or these characters, but reading stuff I'm clueless about is a habit of mine. I like to see if the author can suck me in regardless.
You certainly have. It's like being dropped in the middle of some...wildly chaotic thing...they way the action just starts right off, no identities, no nothing to prepare you. Mcginnis strikes me as funny. His thought processes are very ordinary, but somehow hilarious despite that.
:D on to next chap.
| Vampire Queen chapter 2 . 2/2/2010
hmm, interesting fic you've got going here. I'm curious who Copycat turns out to be. Update soon!
| Maximara chapter 2 . 10/19/2009
I am totally confused. If these people are telepathic why are they calling Terry McGinnis Dick Grayson? Also given that Terry has fought Inque (a genetically created shapeshifter) and likely knows about (or should know about) Clayface why could shapeshifters surprise him?
It comes off like you don't really know much about he world of Batman Beyond to get the setting right.