|Reviews for The Blackened Heart|
| cryptozthunderlord chapter 7 . 3/26/2010
ive read your story so far and its preety good i exited for the next chapter
| gekkokage chapter 7 . 3/11/2010
You did an amazing job with this story so far. Keep up the good work!
| Elemeffayoh chapter 7 . 3/10/2010
aw i wanted to to see some of that! xD
| Elemeffayoh chapter 6 . 3/10/2010
throat? wouldnt it be neck?
| Elemeffayoh chapter 4 . 3/10/2010
So Ria can transform and stuff?
| Elemeffayoh chapter 3 . 3/10/2010
as much as i like this story Moka is such a girl and bitchy as well as tsukune.
| Elemeffayoh chapter 2 . 3/10/2010
Moka seems like a bitch in this one lol
| Elemeffayoh chapter 1 . 3/10/2010
| Deathmvp chapter 7 . 3/8/2010
Nice chapter. Only one thing it looked like for a moment she may get swayed to him instead of the other way around. I for one thing it should go alittle more middle as I do think she is starting to fall at lest alitte for him.
| samurai89 chapter 7 . 3/8/2010
This is a great story, please keep going!
| daniel 29 chapter 1 . 3/7/2010
Actually I don't completly think this a bad choice I mean Naruto at least likes her for the right reasons and doesn't act perverted around her
| Trinel chapter 7 . 3/7/2010
I'm not really fond of stories where the protagonist is being manipulated, though I would find it extremely amusing if the positions change for Ria.
Anyway, it's still a good fic! Hope to read more~
| Artful Lounger chapter 7 . 3/3/2010
Eh, not bad per se, but not of the same caliber as your other Rosario-Naruto story. There are plenty of spelling and grammar mistakes littered throughout the first five chapters, and the plot feels very narrow minded. The OC Ria really seems tacked on, she hardly fits into the story at all, especially her interactions with Moka. Moka just completely goes OOC the moment she enters the equation, and the explanation given doesn't really make it any better. Sibling rivalry just doesn't seem the sort of thing that Moka would care about. And the various things that have happened so far, such as Midou demanding a fight to 'prove his power' goes against the characteristics of the canon characters as well. Another example would be Naruto flying off the handle like that and being so easily taken in by Ria's schemes. Honestly, if he's THAT naive then he would have been dead who knows how many times. All Akatsuki would have to do would be send in Konan to seduce him and they'd have the Kyuubi.
So, overall a rather poor attempt at writing from someone who usually manages to do good work. It feels rather forced, like something that a talented writer would put down for his first story. I don't mean to sound like an ass, but this is probably the worst story I've seen done by you. It just doesn't really flow the way a good story does. My best recommendation would be to scrap the story, and restart from the beginning, getting rid of the OC character. She's, in my opinion, the part of the story where everything bad about it seems to stem from. Having an OC like this in such a prominent position often ruins a story, because the explanations to justify the person's existence and backstory feel incredibly tacked on when compared to the canon storyline. It's even worse when the OC's presence causes other characters to go OOC. Sorry guy, the story's a decent idea, but the OC character, Ria, really just throws a stick of dynamite into the works. It doesn't help that you aren't nearly as descriptive or as realistic in your story-telling in this one. Take my advice or don't, it's your story, but in my opinion this thing is unsalvageable at this point unless to you start over.
| bobbetter chapter 7 . 3/1/2010
What does Ria look like?
| Lfan8 chapter 7 . 2/28/2010
Great chapter! I wish that at some point Naruto would figure out that Ria wants to use him and simply overpower her...you know, like monsters do, and be the dominant one. Then again whatever you come up with will probably be fine with me.