|Reviews for Storm Cycle|
| Kendoka Girl chapter 10 . 11/26/2009
I loved the change of pace with the domestic scene.
Nice touch with the little details of office decor. It really fleshes out the scene.
Director of First Impressions! Sounds like the Ministry of Truth from 1984.
This was a most wonderful series, full of life and energy with a nice closing scene that brought a smile to my face.
I once had to play the infiltrator during an exercise, trying to get in somewhere I was not supposed to be and left little rolls of toilet paper that were supposed to be explosives. I was called the bomb fairy for a while after that.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 9 . 11/21/2009
I always love your characterization of Fredericks. :)
the excrement interfaced with the air recirculators - great line!
I like how you worked in the Red Sand effects into the story and the interaction between Hailey and Garrus was insightful.
| Vshard chapter 10 . 11/20/2009
I loved this one even though I'm pretty sure you've described my own personal hell. The bubblehead, the inept know-it-all, the tiny staff for the supposedly large company, the sheer ineptitude... 'Help, we can't send out our emails and we're getting so much spam'. 'Well, let me take a look. Yep, it seems a spammer has seen through your intricate subterfuge of a password named password and used your account to send off Nigerian aid letters. Now you're blacklisted in 30 countries. Cheers!'.. and the flourescent lights. Yep. I need one of those Munch poster dealies. Actually, full kudos for mentioning that one. You just need to add a Starry Night that says 'we're all a little mad here...' hehe.
This one flowed just nicely and interfaced well between my real world and my fantasy world. I full expect that hundreds of years from now there will still be the uber cells just so no one has to remember whether it was regular or dijon mustard again. Hell, maybe in the future, the phone will answer you.
Nice touch with the PEBKAC. We use something similar here except it sounds more like... Loose nut between chair and keyboard or 1D1-OT error. You know what else... I'm finding I almost prefer the Carver/Storm to the Shenko.. mostly because I don't know anything about it really and Bill seems tasty. :)
Anyway... good work! Must see more! Hehe.
| Vshard chapter 9 . 11/18/2009
Hehe - I love how you twist words around. Let's see.. what were some favorites...
"...to forestall any arguments from the bulkheads..." (because we all talk to bulkheads and/or walls...)
"...when the excrement interfaced with the air recirculators..." (sounds like a 7of9 version of cussing but that's neither here nor there :p)
and now... whether you meant it to go that way or not... I have Storm dancing about to REM in my head. So very very random and so amusing.
Overall, this one was a little disjointed, but it works well for the red sand high. I'll admit I kind of read really quickly until I got to the red sand parts, but now I'm curious what the hell was going on in that sand facility and who the interlopers are. :p
Anyways yay sandblasted! Wait.. I shouldn't be saying that... the futuristic authorities might hear me.. hrm... Eh well, always wanted to meet Shep anyway.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 8 . 11/14/2009
A little Monty Python, huh? I'm no' dead yet! I'm getting bettah!
Nice conversation between Ash and Haley, it really digs into their character and psyche.
"You have boobs under there?" LOL! That was priceless.
I had Chakwas down for the serial killers.
You have all the ingredients for an outstanding fic - drama, humor, characterization, and action. Plus, it has a lot of energy. Most fics that I read lack in one or more areas, but you manage to ace them all. Bravo!
| Kendoka Girl chapter 7 . 11/11/2009
Wow, very heavy intro. It was well done and really grabs the reader right away.
The action scene and the sprint to save Ash was most excellent and I could really feel the sense of drama in the battle.
Hayley continues to grow as a character and you flesh her out with a lot of depth. Great job!
| Kendoka Girl chapter 6 . 11/7/2009
Hah, that first section was priceless! Their software developers must be the same as ours.
Computer Seppuku! I am a certified Kaishakunin (one who finishes the person who commits Seppuku) after two years of Iaido training. :P
Mako Mike! You have the best lines. Thank you, that chapter was hilarious. :D
| Dr.Olga chapter 8 . 10/27/2009
Loved the Python reference!
and my favourite lines were:
"You two have been voted Hardest to Kill Bitches. Congratulations."
"Bodice-ripping romance novels... Got any?"
just awesome, you had me laughing out loud :)
| Vshard chapter 8 . 10/27/2009
This one felt a bit disconnected between sections to me, but then what in life isn't I guess. Had some great lines in there like.. 'K...tad disturbing, Ma'am' hehe. Fitting. I take some minor issue with the heap of crying women confessing their sisterly love, but then I've never had a near-death experience so who am I to say. Oh and Joker... priceless. :)
| Kendoka Girl chapter 5 . 10/26/2009
Nice look at the decision making process. I can't wait to see how it turns out.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 4 . 10/26/2009
You really built the tension of arriving at the colony well. I loved the comment about some people not even speaking a first language without a translator. And the characterization of Fredericks! Hah!
Great depiction of the weapons load. It's rare to see someone write those things well and in a knowledgeable fashion. A professional knows their equipment and you show that in Haley. Cool reference to the Marie Celeste too. I read about her. I always like small details like that in a good story. It gives a lot of depth.
Very well written with a good sense of drama. The battle sequence was riveting and I love a good fight scene. The only thing I can say is that I think your tenses switch from present to past, but that is very minor this excellent story.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 3 . 10/24/2009
ZG porn! :D
I loved the way that you created an interesting chapter on the repair of the core, making it detailed and realistic. Well done on creating a unique personality in Storm too.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 2 . 10/24/2009
Great description of the gamblers!
And pulling the plug, that was genius. :D
You have a very nice series of interactions going between the characters and they blend seamlessly into the story.
| Kendoka Girl chapter 1 . 10/23/2009
:D Great humor. I loved the part with Zoe. Williams' lines were hilarious!
| Vshard chapter 7 . 10/20/2009
Hm, well first the more review-y part. I had some trouble with this one realizing who was speaking and who's head we were in from time to time - especially on that... disturbing asari line :p
Anyway, it's not too often that you really see the good guys get leveled for nothing more than a bad encounter - kudos to you for the good desc. of it all.
I also think you nailed a good life mantra in "Ask yourself, honey: Do I deserve to be here? Well, DO I?". Of course, I could do without Clint's voice, but hey.. it works.
Also really liked this line - "And that annoying beeping would be the cheerful sound of your heart still beating! Yay us!"
And I have to mention that Hayley's interior voice is... well ... morbid and creepifying, but then again... when surrounded by red sand- who wouldn't be hearing voices. It'd be real interesting now if she briefly became biotic due to exposure or some such. Floating scalpels anyone?