Reviews for Jewel
spicedarxox chapter 1 . 3/31/2011
Awh, I'm liking this story so far. Are you going to continue it?
Suki-chan36 chapter 1 . 1/9/2010
That... hurt. I can still feel Sabrina's pain.

Excellent job! As you can tell, I'm sure, you are very skilled in evoking emotion with your writing.
Angel Peach Blossom chapter 1 . 9/20/2009
I must say this is an interesting idea. But, a couple things bugged me. Just a little bit.

For starters, you should spell out the numbers, not just stick the number there. It just looks weird. So instead of '2 weeks ago' it would be 'two weeks ago.'

Also, near the end of the story, my self should have been one word, myself.

The pacing felt rushed near the end as well. I mean, we have Mark waking up and calling Sabrina by name, and suddenly she is in the woods and doesn't know how to get back? All you said is she ran, but what about before then? Did she hesitate a little? Trying to find something she could say him? Then turn around and run? I was curious about that.

Now, again, I thought your idea was interesting. I love how you showed Mark and Sabrina together, especially when they were little. I also thought the rock thing was a nice touch as well.

Now as for whether Sabrina was OOC. I think she is, but only a little, and that isn't too bad. Also, I'm not so sure about Regis near the end. As far as we know he didn't react when Sabrina suddenly rushed out of the house like she did, and I'm sure he would call after her at least. Sabrina would hear her father call after her until she was so far that she couldn't anymore.

And don't worry about Mark being able to marry Natalie before Sabrina showed up. It's your story, so I wouldn't worry about that too much.

Keep at it!
Shimmerleaf chapter 1 . 9/20/2009
This is really good! I feel bad for Sabrina, which never happened to me before. Sabrina seems pretty IC to me but then I've never written her before.