|Reviews for Burn|
| WhenWorldsCollide2 chapter 10 . 6/10
Flawed but brilliant.
| andhewillneverknow chapter 10 . 10/13/2011
this story was really good...just thought i would let you know that i enjoyed reading it.
| willam and jack and jake chapter 10 . 10/1/2011
| tablekorner chapter 10 . 7/28/2011
Oh I loved this story, wish it was longer. You did a really good job with this, everything was perfect.
| Jerimia Smith chapter 1 . 3/15/2011
| Alexxx22 chapter 10 . 12/22/2010
Okay, I finished your story. I will rate it as a whole.
overall grade: D or C-
Overall, it was an interesting- well, enjoyable read. Worth my time. It was too the point, a good length, and simple.
But I have a question...
Donnie. Has. Schizophrenia. Why was he completely fine throughout the story?
The story was focused on Alyssa too much. I like OCs, but when I read a Donnie Darko story, well I'd like to read about Donnie Darko.
And I could tell you didn't understand the plot of the movie by reading your story. I get that it is confusing movie, but get your facts. Frank the bunny (your fairy princess) was sent as a messenger of God. God planned out Donnie's fate, and it was his choice to follow his own Destiny, and save the world. The Holy Spirit (Frank/Fairy Princess/ WHO EVER!) was their to provoke Donnie and push him towards his destiny. Or at least that is what I believe.
Now here is what your story was lacking. REASON. Why was Alyssa seeing a holy ghost? Was it a sign of God, or only an image she would convince herself to see? Was she a schizophrenic, because she is one calm schizophrenic!
Most Donnie Darko fanfictions are one shots. No depth, usually just a scene from the movie, lengthened. I think it is great you tried your own, but without a common Understanding it is impossible. But good try.
Oh, I almost forgot. Elizabeth's death. Random. A random cause, doesn't really help the plot. Everyone got over it pretty quick.
And I think your characters are OOC. Statements like "how come?" just stood out to me. Their educated people. But you made them all seem dumb compared to Alyssa. All of the characters were one dimensional and static. They didn't change at all. They were boring, and very plain.
And Alyssa continuously angered me. She leaves, she comes back. Everyone loves her. Stupid pointless fight with Donnie. Runs away, but can't because of her amazing powerful love for Donnie. Then the world ends.
Don't worry. I've been where you are. Stealing plots and exact quotes and trying to make it your own, but it won't get you very far, believe me, I know firsthand. JUST BREAK THE HABIT BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!
Again, all in all it was an enjoyable story, it just had some fatal errors.
| Alexxx22 chapter 4 . 12/21/2010
Okay, okay. First off I REALLY hope you read this. I got a message like this on fanfiction, and it helped me. I think you need one too.
I liked your plot. It was a good idea. I love stories with original characters as well. But Alyssa was such a mary sue it was hard to believe. I mean:
-she did drugs/acid
-was a runaway
-was randomly "adopted" by a "perfect" family
-was forced to take medication
-was loved and adored by the Darkos
-Fell in with Donnie love in 2 days
-Donnie loved her too- even though they never had a conversation
-she was beautiful and troubled- but still beautiful
-had sex with Donnie after knowing him for 3 days
-Elizabeth was the perfect "sister", making her all sexy for dinner and going shopping with her
-elizabeth didn't care about her cuts on her arm
Everyone wants to sleep with the guy of their dreams! but I'm sorry, this is so unbelievable! If she was an abused/runaway/drug addict she wouldn't be pretty. And honey, guys don't confess their love to girls and passionately kiss them except in the Notebook!
And you pretty much took the entire Donnie Darko plot but added a fairy princess. You obviously wanted to write a story where Alyssa (most likely modeled after yourself) fell in love with Donnie. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. It is a good way to start. I still do it, too, but I don't post it. Although you may love it, it's painful for others to read. Seriously.
I liked the story! I really did, but next time, be a little more originally. You have talent, for sure. This isn't meant to be bitchy at all. I know you can write, and I hope you still post. If so, I expect to see more great stories and a reply back! It took a long time for me to write this!
| Trayriffic chapter 10 . 12/23/2009
I think this is a great story, that fits perfectly. It's well written and it so fit's Donnie's character to me.
| Voca chapter 10 . 10/17/2009
Mad World. That's a song on the Donnie Darko soundtrack. Did you mean to reference it?
The ending of this is so vicious and convoluted and sweet - but I could've gone for some more Donnie freak-outs here, in this last chapter. D:
Just sayin, yo. But I love it anyways 3
And I love you, girl 33
| Voca chapter 1 . 9/26/2009
Hm. I'm vaguely confused; I can see the Darkos being slightly hospitable to someone Elizabeth calls her friend, but I can also see Elizabeth not telling her parents that Alyssa was a runaway; usually, people are at least a little wary, even if they do pick people up from the street.
Also, in the beginning, Alyssa seems to just get in the car after Elizabeth asks if she needs a ride; is that supposed to be the invitation? I would be a little worried if I asked some person if they needed a ride, and they just said 'sure' and got into my car. Elizabeth might've been thinking about calling a cab.
To me, also, the ending was a bit cut off. You start some sort of magical love-at-first-sight moment, and then the world is ending. To me, this seems just... /lacking/.
| Fear Cuts Deeper Than Swords chapter 1 . 9/25/2009
Pretty good first chapter. You're an awesome writer. But I already knew that...(: