|Reviews for When things go wrong|
| Bryn T. Wedge chapter 13 . 12/26/2012
Omg that aas amazing. I loved every bit of it! The storyline was awesome and the way you conveyed it was brilliant! Is that the end? Is there more? :)
| donna2009 chapter 13 . 12/13/2011
I'm eager to read what happen next!
| ElisaD263 chapter 13 . 2/1/2010
YAY! Update! So worried that you had decided to stop updating this story before they got married!
Loved this chapter! Well done! Poor Carson, not able to offer comfort to Rodney because he felt like he would be betraying him in some way...*sigh*
Enjoy seeing Teyla offering Carson a shoulder to cry on..a true friend!
Nice touch of having Carson put eye drops in Rodney's eyes..very nice!
Oh, and the loving...hot! _
Hope to see another chapter! Soon! _
| ElisaD263 chapter 12 . 11/7/2009
YAY for update! So glad your muse decided to come back! _
Another excellent chapter! Poor Carson, feeling so guilty at Rodney having a reaction...so glad that John was there to let him know it wasn't his fault.
But...what! 4 days before the marriage and John and Rodney have switched consciousness! eek! So looking forward to seeing what happens next! Hope to see it soon! _
| ElisaD263 chapter 11 . 10/10/2009
Hope you are feeling better! Your pain was our gain! _
Not enough Rodney having to deal with migraines, so hope you have Rodney whumped with them in future chapters! Enjoyed how you described Rodney when he first work up as small and childlike...nice and so cute!
Loved how John referred to Radek and Rodney as the twin-ship..that was good!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| ElisaD263 chapter 10 . 10/10/2009
Wow...Rodney was MAD! I mean to call Carson, Dr. Beckett..yep, mad!
And poor Carson having to deal with Rodney being so mad so soon after his bout with the flu and not feeling himself..poor thing!
But...who is responsible for the explosion? Evil cliffhanger! _
Good thing I didn't have a chance to read this chapter yesterday, so today I don't have to wait!
On to the next chapter!
| ElisaD263 chapter 9 . 10/6/2009
Oh wow, enjoyed seeing Rodney being the caring one! Well done!
The shower scene...whoa...hot, very hot! Love the fact that Carson checked his pulse.."Just checking love. I've got plans for tonight and don't fancy having to explain how my lovers heart gave out in the throws of hot sex"...LOL! Yes, don't want to have to explain that!:D
"Oh yeah Carson, that sounded really healthy. Now would you like me to go and find the lung you just coughed up or will you make do with just one for the time being." - Did I say something about Rodney being the caring one! LOL! So very Rodney! _
Thanks for another great chapter! Looking forward to the next one!
| ElisaD263 chapter 8 . 10/4/2009
Oh wow...torture by lemon! Brillant idea! Well done!
Poor Rodney, tortured again by Koyla! Enjoyed reading how John and the rest of the team were reacting to Rodney being taken away and how they tried to comfort him when he was returned to the cell.
Yay for Lorne and the rescue! And just in time! And the ending...aw..so sweet! They do make a cute couple! _
Another excellent chapter! Your writting and descriptions are really getting quit good! Keep up the good work! Looking forward to the next chapter!
| x Varda x chapter 7 . 10/2/2009
Rodney smut is good! :)
| ElisaD263 chapter 7 . 10/1/2009
Poor Rodney...nightmares about the plane crash and Carson dying...poor thing! And Carson knew just what Rodney needed to help him get pass that nightmares and realize that Carson was alive and still with him :-)
Yay! For the loving! So hot! *fans self*
Love how Rodney placed his ear over Carson's heart...he needed to hear Carson's heart beating..so sweet!
Looking forward to the next chapter!
| ElisaD263 chapter 6 . 10/1/2009
*blushes* That was sweet of you! Thank you!
On to read the next chapter! YAY!
| Earth Magician chapter 5 . 9/28/2009
There's a major plot-hole in here: when exactly did Teyla and John come to earth and why? The SGC could just as well have sent other people to pick them up.
Which season is this set in? Is the Midway Station set up yet? In that case, wouldn't the characters have gone through the Stargate in both directions instead of just returning that way? If they returned on the Daedalus, it would give them 18 more days to rest and recuperate from their little accident. That would be medically sound. Letting them go through the Stargate so shortly after getting injured is not. They'd probably be on medical leave for a while still regardless, so there would be no hurry in getting back to Atlantis, unless there was an emergency that needed their assistance. In that case it would be more likely Rodney that would be needed and not Carson.
Oh, and you might want to correct the spelling of Colonel in the previous chapter.
In general, it's improved somewhat, but you still need to bind things together better. It still reads more like a summary than a story. You jump around too much without hardly any transitioning. I, for one, would have enjoyed you flushing out the scenes on earth more and not just jump to the next whump scene. Develop their relationship a bit. Currently it's sorta there, but I can't really connect to it. The same is true for the characters. They're like people on a classical stage acting out a role. (For the info, during the classical period everything was a bit stand-offish with little or no connection to the audience. This is seen especially well in the art of that period where there were a lot of spot-light effects, but none of the characters on the paintings made any connection to the onlooker. Their eyes were turned toward the others in the painting and hardly ever outwards.) You need to build up the characters more. It doesn't have to be like the Romantic characters, where emotions, dreams and wishes were emphasized on, almost to the exclusion of anything else. You should try to find a balance that fits with your writing style.
| Earth Magician chapter 2 . 9/27/2009
Well, there's a few things I'd like to suggest to you as a new author:
1. Get a beta-reader. They will correct any spelling or other types of mistakes you make, will help you with plot-holes and how to bind the story together better so that it reads like a story and not a series of one-shots that happen in the same universe.
2. Do lots of research. Anything you're not certain about: research it. For instance, in this chapter you have them court martial Kavanagh. This is not possible. The only people one can court martial are the ones in the military. Kavanagh is a civilian and thus would have to stand trial, but he would not be court martialed. This is a mistake a good beta reader would have spotted.
3. You're giving us a lot of information very quickly and not flushing it out. You have to work on showing the reader the scenes instead of telling them. It's the difference between 'He woke up' and 'He slowly opened his eyes, blearily rubbing the sleep out of them as he yawned and stretched.'
4. In dialog you need to split what different people say by paragraphs. If one person says something and is answered or interrupted by another, the second person's comment is in the next paragraph. A beta-reader would correct this. Another grammar thing is that the beginning of a sentence is always written big.
Once you've worked on those items, your story would be much easier and enjoyable to read (and wouldn't drive the beta-reader in me nuts.) It's fairly good for your first attempt at fanfiction though. My first was much much worse. I can barely even stand to look at them now. Of course, that could be because I was sorta writing with German grammar and spelling in the English language.
| ElisaD263 chapter 5 . 9/27/2009
Yay! They're going home! _
Another excellent chapter...boy, I'm saying that alot aren't I! But it's true! _
Thanks for breaking up the paragraphs...helped me enjoy the story just that much more! You really have all the voices down and it is just a joy to 'hear' them!
Looking forward to the next chapter and seeing you have in store for our boys! Thanks again for this fantistic story!
| ElisaD263 chapter 4 . 9/27/2009
Aww...little sweet story...at the beginning! :D
Enjoyed seeing Carson and Rodney enjoying their vacation and being with family...nice! And yay for wedding!
But, now..EEK!...you end the chapter with a cliffhanger! _
You just couldn't let the poor dears enjoy the vacation, no you had to put the plane into a tailspin...sweet!
Looking forward to seeing how they come out this one! _