|Reviews for Reassigned Identity|
| SarahLynn chapter 18 . 10/14
I don't know if you're still writing or not, I've not checked your profile, but here's some food for thought.
It bugs me, though I know it has some to do with inexperience as a writer, but the repetition of moment is annoying and redundant. I find that more often than not, FF writers do it to give there story more chapters and garner more reviews. The problem with this is changing the POV to get the other characters thoughts rarely offer much insight beyond what was originally wrtiten.
I've come across a few stories that a decent enough plots, but out of a forty something long story it was really only half as long. two weeks between updates and the next chapter was just a complete repeat from Edwards point of view. So instead of updates being one to two weeks it was nearly a month, between new material being posted.
I stopped reading. The writing and plot was not compelling enough to keep me interested with essentially duplicate chapters. Even posting it as double chapters with Edward's POV as a bonus was unnecessary, because again, no new insight.
I said all that to say this, I like your story, though I think flushing out the ides and finding less fantastical ways to get your ending would do wonders for the story. This is fiction, but that doesn't mean you should make CIA operate domestically, in charge of federal cases when that's the FBI and in control of WITSEC when it's the US Marshals that control it. Writers have creative license,yes, but I feel it can be taken out of context on FF and CL doesn't mean taking real federal agencies and redirecting their duties because of how important it makes the character look. Example: I love stories that give an alternate after NM. Creating a story line where Edward doesn't come back and Bella is a vampire years later. They are hard to find my friend. Good ones anyway. I cam across one a couple weeks ago and and in the first chapter not only did the writer rush through like five decades trying to rack up characters for Bella's new coven and make her look fulfilled and not left behind, but gave her like ten abilities. The ridiculousness. I won't bore you with anything else that was off, but I stopped reading a few chapters in and skimmed the ones I did read.
Try your hand at writing in third person unlimited. It's a more open and diverse way of writing because it doesn't have as many restrictions, plus writers also tend to switch between first and second because they dont yet know how to get the story across in one POV which mostly comes from not fleshing out the idea enough and figuring out what you want to say. And many write that way because Twilight is in first but it's a hard point to write because of the restrictions. (become your own. Find your voice!)
This may not matter to you. Younger readers like drama and most don't care about what makes sense. Like Edward working as a doctor at twenty-four. In no world would a twenty-four year old be on his own to treat patients. He's barley out of med school. Or a witness' name being revealed to the press when they have to be in WITSEC for someone to discover. It's part of the story yes, to get to what your end game is, but that's the pint of flushing out the point of the story and the events leading to the climax without harming your writers integrity. Not a lot f that on here these days. lol
I hope you doing take this as a flame. It's not intended to be. I just hate seeing stories with writers with so much potential and no one saying anything or crazy people tossing flames left and write (see what I did there? Lame joke, I know) without offering some advice to help writers grow. Part of the point of FF, right?
FYI, If I though it was truly bad, I wouldn't have reviewed or read this far.
| SarahLynn chapter 5 . 10/12
What is it with everyone's obssesion With getting Edward and Bella to be so young? 23 year old CIA Agent off on his own with a witness?
Another pet peeve.
Medical Atending at 27. Single father at 22 making big. Story timelines kill me. 20 year old Bella with a 40 year old Edward.
| SarahLynn chapter 3 . 10/12
Loving the story so far.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but the CIA operates only on foreign soil? FBI would be the the ones on the case and US Marshall in charge of WITSEC?
Just a thought. If you're going to try and place real agencies in the story, they should at least be represented correctly. Quick Google searches can help with that.
Ps, I'm not trying to sound pretentious or condesending, but it's a pet peeve of mine. Unless a story is fantasy, fiction doesn't mean the impossible happens. Like CIA operation domestically. Or an incurable disease getting cured. Or stage four cancer patient surviving and sid months pregnant a year later.
Sorry. I digress. A little.
| Nikki1219 chapter 33 . 10/4
Thanks for sharing. I loved Edward's sweet words throughout this story.
| TrickeyTricky chapter 7 . 9/26
Ah I needed so much more in Edwards POV! And yes, I would have cried with that proposal too.
| TrickeyTricky chapter 6 . 9/26
Oh, I can't wait to see what's in store for the not so private private conversations Bella has with the sisters. Also, love this Edward, so sweet.
| TrickeyTricky chapter 5 . 9/26
Well at least the painful part is over, and a think it went as best as expected. Thanks for not making Rose a total b about the situation.
| TrickeyTricky chapter 4 . 9/25
Ah, Alice is crazy - I like it
So far I am loving Edward's charm.
| TrickeyTricky chapter 3 . 9/25
Oh, I'm going to like this Eddie. ;-P
| TrickeyTricky chapter 2 . 9/25
Wonderful start, so excited to see where these two go!
| TrickeyTricky chapter 1 . 9/25
Looking forward to this read!
| Dracenxamethyst chapter 32 . 9/3
Grt story. Loved it.
| kathrynphoebeperci chapter 32 . 9/2
i really loved your fanfic, i think you're a really good writer... keep it up :)
| Tee dree chapter 7 . 7/11
The listening was a nice touch!
| Tee dree chapter 6 . 7/11
This fic has been so fun! Thank you!
Abby is sooo cute!