|Reviews for Super Mafia Brothers: Melee|
| Purestrongpoem chapter 4 . 7/13/2012
| Captain Black Knight chapter 4 . 9/12/2010
Wow, I forgot that you had updated. Damn schoolwork...anyway! Not a bad chapter this time. Sucks to be Toad...and Link. Zelda must be scary. I like the way you did the dialogue. Sounds authentic. Keep up the great work!
| Captain Black Knight chapter 3 . 11/29/2009
Oh nice, this is where things get interesting...
Sucks to be Fox and Falco, though. It makes me want to beat Wolf to a pulp.
Anyway, review time! So what bothered me this time was - again - the spelling and grammar mistakes (I assume many of them were simple typos). Oh, the dialogue seemed to be rather excessive; not enough description balanced the dialogue.
However, the scenes that took place were well written out in the sense that they either a) made me laugh, or b) kept up the suspense - in a way.
On to Chapter 4!
| Captain Black Knight chapter 2 . 11/25/2009
Oh snap! The plumbers are in trouble now...
Well, then...this chapter was rather gruesome and violent, but I think it could be much worse. However, the chapter was full of action and crazy video game references, and I loved it! Oh, and I see you studied the 1920's a lot, since I noticed the weapon names you mentioned. Good job!
I see you took my advice form last chapter with the way you formatted your dialogue. Excellent work! You still need to watch your spelling and grammar, of course, since I saw plenty of mistakes. Also, it seemed to me that you mixed up Mario's lines with Luigi's, based on how I read their dialogue. I could be wrong, though.
Looking forward to Chapter 3!
| emeraldcompass chapter 2 . 11/25/2009
I don't have much to say except this is really good. I wonder if Peach is going to be as complacent and air-headed as she is in most fics, or if she'll even appear at all?
The Torn Top Hat
| Captain Black Knight chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
Review time! I was going to give the very first review, but it seems that someone already beat me to it. Eh, whatever, let's cut to the chase.
Alright, here's the scoop on the good parts and the parts that need improvement in this chapter:
Good: Your descriptions are written out quite well, supported by the fact that not only did the scene make sense, it also set the mood for the story. I felt as if I was in the story (that's usually a good effect on your readers). Adding further details into your descriptions would greatly help your cause as well. I noticed, for example, that you failed to mention where exactly the Mario Bros. went in order to get their job. It just seemed like they suddenly poofed into existence in front of the desk manager from out of nowhere (this issue can easily be remedied if you start a new paragraph and mention that a period of time later they presented resumes to a desk manager at the local employment office). The humor aspect was also just right, and I certainly had some laughs.
Bad: Be sure to thoroughly check your spelling and grammar, for I saw quite a few mistakes throughout the chapter. You should especially remember that any new quotes in dialogue should be written into a new paragraph. Here's an example:
As she approached him, she asked, "What did you do?"
"Nothing illegal," he replied calmly.
"Of course not," she commented.
See what I mean? This sort of thing fixes up your paragraphs and prevents some unnecessary and avoidable information-jumbling. My only other complaint would be that the first chapter and the 'prologue' of sorts were a bit short, although they did a good job of setting up the story.
Other: I like your logic for giving Link his particular role in the story; it's quite clever. But did he have to be one of the bad guys? Or am I jumping to conclusions too soon? Anyway...
Overall, I give this fic (and the chapter) my stamp of approval. The plot is creative, the characters fit right into the scene, and it shows a lot of promise for successful results (i.e. reaching your target audience and receiving lots of good reviews). I enjoyed this chapter, and I look forward to reading more. Also, I'd be more than willing to beta read this fic should you need assistance. Just PM about it. Later!
| golfer chapter 1 . 9/27/2009
Wow. This is a strange story. Are you gonna put alot of different smash bros characters into this? I like this; I'm a huge Mario fan.