|Reviews for The Skylight Diner|
| Solareon chapter 1 . 1/30/2013
This'd make a pretty damn good long story, but as a oneshot it works too. The brother relationship with Sasuke and Naruto was perfect, hell I think I saw some narusaku, which I love. Anyway good story.
| SpazzyLassy105 chapter 1 . 11/19/2012
| MonDainai chapter 1 . 10/19/2011
awwwwwwwws! so did they disappered? ohhh u should continue it! XD
| Nessie-san chapter 1 . 8/9/2011
Wait...this wasn't popular? 0_0 WHY THE HELL NOT? It was really good, and it was a wonderful possible scenario! I thought it was brilliant XD The only problem was that there were a few mistakes ) One of them was...well, I can only conclude that you wrote one thing down, deleted it, then wrote a different thing down that meant the same thing, because you wrote something about Sasuke taking a drink of coke, and the wording didn't quite make sense. The other mistake that I noticed (I only noticed two, which is awesome, because most writers...*shudder*) was that you wrote "dinner" instead of "diner" the first time you mentioned where they were. Other than those two mistakes, this was really well done. I especially liked the woman who looked like Sakura, because it showed that they weren't just missing their former lives, they were missing their friends. It also showed that Sasuke had some emotion, which we barely ever see in him. Again, awesome job on this )
| anticollision chapter 1 . 5/31/2011
i really, really liked this. it was down-to-earth and realistic-in their actions and personalities.
one of my favorite parts is when they mentioned sakura and how naruto said that they would just know if she was unhappy or not.
..but now i'm hungry for a BLT. thanks. xD
| Mokutonton chapter 1 . 5/1/2011
This is a beautiful fic. Wonderfully written, and I love every aspect of it.
| Louise chapter 1 . 10/16/2010
You know, I really liked this. It was simple and rather sad, and that's what made it a very good fic. I enjoyed it a great deal; you're right in feeling proud of this :)
| CU Administration chapter 1 . 9/7/2010
Aww man! I'm going through a similar situation in one of my fics and I had thought of something kind of close to this too. *pouts*. Great minds think a like I suppose lol. First, thank you for taking interest in Critics United and asking for our input on your story. That definitely makes my day and gives me a reason to put off writing my next chapter.
It's funny how the authors that are already good want assistance. Your writing so far is very vivid when it comes to emotion and feeling. I could see how the waitress would be looking angry at Sasuke for taking his time, I felt that kick Naruto gave him, and definitely could picture the glare that Sasuke would have given him in return. That was an amazing job done right there.
Your flow and writing style is really easy to fall into. Mainly I like the fact that you went ahead and started with the actual story instead of a few paragraphs of back-story. Although I like back-story, for here it fits just to fall into what was happening without knowing what has been going on. You also began giving us snippets about why they're spending time together which is good. Sometimes though, your writing gets a bit choppy with short sentences like this:
Sasuke grabbed the Coke and took a large gulp, relishing the burn as it went down his throat. Naruto frowned at him. The waitress arrived with their food again.
The first sentence was great, beautiful even; then the other two are just there and don't really tie in with each other. It feels like something is missing.
Eww! That's so gross but so Naruto lol! I had to keep myself from laughing when he spit on Sasuke. That was a great sense of comedy even if you didn't mean it that way.
I felt that the emo part of Naruto's speech didn't fit. I suppose it's because it's cliché and a lot of people who don't know what emo actually is use it to describe Sasuke because they've seen others do it. I'm not saying that's the case with you or anything, but it did put a damper on the good flow you had with Naruto's dialogue.
I really like Sasuke here. That word you used "brooding" definitely fits his attitude. He's got that "I really don't want to be here with you" attitude and you portrayed it perfectly.
Hmm, now I want to know more about what actually happened on their mission. Look what you've done to me! Addicting me to this story. *Stops to continue reading*. Wait, what pain filled memories about Sakura? You my love are extraordinarily good at making your reader asking themselves questions and pique their curiosity (or nosiness) about what happened. It's a really good talent to have...as long as you do eventually tell us what happened. I have to know! lol. Ignore me I just have to know everything; it’s good to keep your readers using their imaginations.
The woman sounded a wee bit Mary Sue-ish with how pretty she was made. Beautiful was used twice for her; I would suggest using words that aren't so strong and demanding like "shocking emerald green eyes" or something along those lines.
Well, love, this was really good. I mean REALLY good. I would say to work on adding a bit more color to add with the vivid description of expressions and feelings you're so good at already. You did great with the woman who looked like Sakura and a bit on the waitress, but there was none on Naruto or Sasuke. Either way, you really don't have much to work on lol. They are only minor. Other than that, you're good to go.
[Critics United ]
| Ceri Moriarty chapter 1 . 6/12/2010
Awesome story! Very cute.
| Anime Freak456 chapter 1 . 2/25/2010
that was really good. i thought it was very funny, but i would love to know what happened. ever thought of a sequel?
| Gothic Anime Lover chapter 1 . 2/19/2010
INteresting, but I am trying to see a bit of SasuNaru (ah, ever the pining fan girl) but, I don't. Oh well. It was a cute one-shot, especially considering it's time of creation, so good job!
| remy-areyousrs chapter 1 . 1/27/2010
This. Is. Awesome.
I like the way you made their personalities so accurate. And just as a side question - WAS the woman Sakura?
And what had they done on that mission?
| Ekun-Asha chapter 2 . 1/6/2010
Oh! Oh...! You're a sly one... w~ I enjoyed your cryptive tale...
| JadeSyan chapter 2 . 1/2/2010
Well, I definitely have to agree to what the previous reviewer has said. This story is definitely not getting enough attention.
I love reading Naruto fanfictions and I also have some favorite couples but sometimes I just wish to read a story without pairings and as luck would have it I stumbled upon yours. Your a really good writer. You find just the right words to make it perfect.
So, is this story finished or will there be more chapters?
| dmbland chapter 1 . 12/6/2009
Im sad this hasn't gotten more attention. Am I (and the other 3 reviewers, but they could be flamers for all I know [I prefer not to read other people's reviews]) the only person who wants to know what happens next? Despite the shortness, and the repeat (whats up w/ that? are they different? I doubt it) The plot is intriguing and kind of sad. I have a feeling that this story will rot, but I'll alert it just in case.