|Reviews for Claudia's First Art Shop|
| AcrossTheWater chapter 3 . 6/24/2012
I'd just like to point out a few things:
-I don't really think that Janine would go to a community college to become a tutor. She probably could have easily gotten a scholarship to an Ivy League school.
-Claudia, as an advanced art student, would probably be past the crayons stage. Colored pencils maybe, but not crayons. Colored pencils are much better for shading and things like that..
Other than that, this story is pretty good!
| Queen of Spiritual chapter 6 . 7/21/2010
Great last chapter. Maybe you could do another Claudia story.
| Queen of Spiritual chapter 5 . 7/21/2010
Great story line in this chapter. I like the art shop idea, but I caught a couple errors again as usual. In the sentence I was by six, add ready to the sentence. Another error I caught you said the art show started at six - thirty. You don't need two periods in the same sentence. The sentence said: At six - thirty. the art show started. It really should be: At six - thirty, the art show started. Those were the only errors I caught in this chapter, but good story line. I hope you fix the errors I told you in previous reviews on this story.
| Queen of Spiritual chapter 3 . 7/21/2010
Another good story line, but a couple mistakes. In the sentence Kristy who don't get to see Mary Anne often, I think you should take the don't out and put the word doesn't to make it sound better. In the I including sentence you should add I am between the words I and including to make it look better. Hope it helps, but everything else in this story has a good story line.
| Queen of Spiritual chapter 2 . 7/21/2010
Great chapter, enjoyed it.
| Queen of Spiritual chapter 1 . 7/20/2010
Good story so far. When you used the word softball coach, you used the word couch instead. I'd say go correct couch and put the word coach instead. Readers don't know what you're saying if you use the word couch and not coach. You left out the word name in the sentence when the teacher said to call her by her first and put a comma, so you can take the comma out and put name. I'm pointing out a few mistakes here. Hope it helps. Another one is form. Add the "ed", please!
| Bittersweet x chapter 6 . 10/28/2009
You write remarkably write Anne M. Martin.
| Witchytara25 chapter 6 . 10/7/2009
Would you please listen to the advice that we give you? We don't waste our time leaving reviews for you to ignore it. Like the previous reviewer said, I admire your determination, but you've gotta listen to what we're saying.
1. The characters have no personality. No college student talks like you have them portrayed. They need personality.
2. Your writing style is very choppy. It is good in some parts, but in other parts, the translation lacks something.
3. You really need to check your facts when writing about people and certain things, like the art shop. Who would give someone an art shop in their basement? That makes no sense. Also, having taken some business classes, they do not teach you how to check id's, its something that is explained, but not a whole class period spent on and play acting. Where I go to college, there is no play acting in my classes.
I think that you have the potentional to be a good writer, but you need to listen to what we're saying. We're trying to help. And you need to quit deleting your stories when you get a comment you don't like. That is just childish and against fanfiction rules.
| Insert facepalm here chapter 4 . 10/6/2009
Don't reply to me or e-mail me.
What is with the stupid quiz at the start of the fanfic? It isn't needed. You don't need to tell everyone that BSC belongs to Ann M. Martian in every chapter. Just on Chapter 1 is just fine. Repeating it over and over gets old.
Your stories are still boring and dull. People don't talk like that. Everyone sounds so monotone, as if they fell from the sky on a grey day.
You need to take concrit and learn to write better.
| Witchytara25 chapter 3 . 10/2/2009
Okay, I've read through all three chapters of this story and personally, I find it quite boring. Your characters speak in monotone, and being a college student myself, no college student speaks like you have the characters speak in the story. The characters in the books had their own personalities, something Ann M. Martin managed to portray quite well. I don't know what happened to your beta reader, but you really need to invest in another one.
The plot is good, but I honestly cannot see Claudia majoring in accounting, but something art related. However, the basis for the story is quite good with a little work.
| Insert facepalm here chapter 3 . 10/1/2009
Don't reply to me. Don't message me.
Liz... You need a plot. Your story has no plot. It's boring. It's vapid. Everyone has no personailty. Everythings eems rushed.
| Insert facepalm here chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
Checking IDS? At her age? 13 year olds and minors don't check IDS.
Be realistic here.