|Reviews for Something Was Missing|
| Kala Elric chapter 1 . 4/26/2015
| Mrs Hatake Itachi chapter 1 . 10/30/2010
| HARPG0 chapter 1 . 9/29/2009
This story has an interesting plot and a lot of potential. Probably, should you decide to do another draft, you'll want to add in some more details and vivid descriptions.
I think your beta missed this paragraph (which is a vital one):
"I glanced back up at him not having realized that I had glanced at the ground my fingers now brushing my lips. My smiled broadened as I moved to take his hand in mine intertwining our fingers. I new I felt something for the blond before me. I new my heart beat faster around him, I new I could not sleep with out him (no matter what world I am in), I new he had become closer to me then any friend before and with out him I would be lost. Though I was not sure if it was love in the same way he loved me."
1. Sentence one has a repeated word "glanced"
2. "Knew" means to understand; not "new"
3. Sentence #4 should be broken into separate sentences or add "and" to make it comound complex
4. In the last sentence, add a comma after "though"
Good luck with the next chapter!
| Anisa Emeline chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
It's a nice sweet one. But, yea, I also wonder that part, Wolfie-chan has green eyes. :3
| Az chapter 1 . 9/28/2009
Sweetie, that was so lovely to read, thank u _.. just one thing dearie, Wolf has green eyes not blue ;-)