|Reviews for Romantic Love|
| Slash chapter 1 . 7/23/2014
Hi , thats not bad for a first attemp, you followed the 5 senses i see. touch , feel, hear, smell and see. You have you character's and the love scene which is also good i can follow what's going on with the pair .
But when aeris and sephiroth broke up , it only took just a few days for them to get together again. They sound like a pair of teenagers in that part, you had them a bit desperate to get back together so quickly.
Now think on how relationships work in RW (Real World) Would it take that short a time to get back together? How are your characters feeling at this point? Sephiroth once had a dilema of being a tad crazy, areis was helping him with forgivness and getting through all the wrong that he had done.
When they split how did sephiroth take that and what of his mental state? Did he just cry for 3 days? What else?
What did aeris do / and how did she feel in those 3 days?
Ok the most important rule in any story, keep your audience in mind, who are you targeting this story at.
Since you hint several times about them sleeping together in the past this is not a story for 10 or under, So i would suggest losing Happily Ever After, instead create a scene where Aeris possibly turns up and appologises for her rash wrong assumption. Create a cliff hanger to get the viewers intreaged so they are left thinking" oh, is there going to be a second chapter?"
All in all i like what you did and think if you improve this a little it could be better than it is now.
Let me know if this has helped and keep writing, the more you do it the better at it you get.
Tip, writers usually go off of there experiances in life, think back on what you have gone through, could you use those scenes? , instead of you place your characters in the situation, would your characters react differently? and how? Use the 5 senses more, and make a clear picture so that your target audience (The Readers) can get that picture in their mind, (You did it well with the bonfire scene.)
| Jason Tandro chapter 1 . 4/1/2010
It was at this sentence that I stopped reading this fic and burst out laughing:
"At first Aeris hadn't wanted to trust Sephiroth, especially after he rammed a masamune through her stomach and left her for dead."
How often do you get to read something like that in a fiction? Also, I liked the "canon-shaped monster that would have killed us."
Sadly I don't think some of the people who read this fic will understand the subtle inflections. Very nice work! :)
| Katseester chapter 1 . 1/26/2010
I think the only thing that stopped me from crying was the fact that I was laughing so hard.
I mean...Aeris...she broke up with Seph, and it was just so...heartbreaking...and...
I'm sorry. I can't hold it in any longer. :snort:
Best line, I do believe, was:
"He’d cried solidly for the past three days."
I MEAN LYKE POOR SEPH OMG INORITE?
Ok, I really am sorry this time. This was pretty hilarious. I enjoyed reading it.
| Licoriceallsorts chapter 1 . 12/7/2009
You are wickedly funny.
| Whut chapter 1 . 10/31/2009
You're joking, right?
| Renovate chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
It was so sad when Aerith started crying. I almost cried. :( PLEASE UPDATE SOON!
| MysticSpiritus chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
OMG, liek, i luv how u describe their clothes. that is so the cutest! Aeris/Sephy for EVA!