Reviews for Stay or Go?
Adelled chapter 1 . 8/30/2013
Bobby D was fine. Perfectly in character to me. Marshall and Mary too. So swept along by the willing suspension of disbelief that the whole story seems perfect.
Yabbit chapter 1 . 12/10/2011
alas, as with all great stories it ends far, far too soon...

angel313 chapter 1 . 8/22/2011
I think you should write a closing for it. It is good.
Johonna Marie chapter 1 . 5/15/2011
I thought it was very well written! I wonder how it ended though, did Marshall really leave Witsec? Or was there a way for him to stay?

Good job, I loved reading both Mary and Marshalls inner turmoil.
R J Lupin's Kat chapter 1 . 10/24/2010
The storyline is good, interesting. The situation distinguishing itself somewhat from other stories, and that's a definite plus.

You have such potential as a writer; you need only to find a good mentor, a beta to work with to help you out by giving you direction in terms of grammar and punctuation, someone to give you suggestions of this or that in your wording, tweaking the phrasing and overuse of certain sentence structures or words. Someone to proof your work.

An invaluable resource to improve your own writing: Read. Read quality fan fic, read published fiction. The more good stuff you read, the better you'll be when you write. A lot of those rules, by that point they'll become second nature.

Please, take this as a compliment; your talent is there, hidden beneath a fine layer of dusty 'Elements of Grammar/Elements of Style' texts. You have SUCH potential!

I do like where you went with this, how you established the emotional war within Mary when she was dealing with Raph, and how Raph had his own private battle going with Marshall. Especially that it was one Marshall was not even aware existed. Yes, there was some Oout-of-characterness going on, but again, with a beta well-versed in the show, you could learn a lot.

Over all, a good first go. Keep writing!
Violet chapter 1 . 5/11/2010
Good story. :)

The only thing I would have changed is the ending:

Instead of Marshall having to leave the Marshal Service (I mean, come on he is 5th generation!) Mary should have quit her job (she wasn't in WITSEC to begin with) and go with him to Cleveland.

Why does Marshall always have to make ALL the sacrifices?
RomanCandles chapter 1 . 4/27/2010
Great story. Very cute!
bk-1205 chapter 1 . 10/4/2009
Great first story. I think the characters were right. I just hate that Marshall had to give up WITSEC and Mary had to make no sacrifices other than losing her partner. The only way it could have been better would have been if she'd gone home and packed and gone with him to Cleveland. I just think it's a lost opportunity for Mary to finally make a sacrifice for Marshall, instead of him always sacrificing for her. I hope to see more stories from you. Again, great one.
yankee306 chapter 1 . 10/3/2009
Nice us of the Buffy lyric. :-)

I like this piece a lot. It would be even better with better formatting. Separating out the dialogue into new paragraphs, for instance, makes things a lot clearer and also slows down the reader (in a good way). The way you switch back and forth between Marshall's and Mary's point of view is great story-wise, but it's hard to follow here without separators.

It would also be great if you could get a strong edit from a beta. There's some redundancy and stray things like this:

"'Then don’t go.'

"Marshall smiled, it was the two words he’d been waiting for since that morning."

Mary's actually just spoken three words, so I had to think about this for a moment to realize you were referring to "don't go," which took me out of the story.

I hope this is helpful feedback - I like this story.
superwoman1015 chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
I think this fic works very well as it is. The characters all seemed right on to me. I really enjoyed this. I haven't seen any fics that deal with the aftermath of Mary being shot quite like this one does, and I like that. Thanks for writing.
QueenOfHyperbole chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
I liked it. I wouldn't mind reading more. His name isn't Ralph, though. It's Raph.

I liked that Marshall was the voice in Mary's head, and I found it amusing that he was also the voice in Raph's head when it came to thoughts about Mary.

And seriously...I can't imagine Mary and Raph ever being friends, regardless of what their dating/engagement status was. He has the right personality to be friends with Brandi, but not with Mary.

Nice story.
Josie chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
Loved it. And I for one would love to read a prologue... an epilogue... a yule log. Whatever else you want to write for this story


But one small note, it's Raph, not Ralph.

I really enjoyed this.
Jdragonfire29 chapter 1 . 10/2/2009
LOVE IT! Gotta do a follow up!